


akaashi's pretty (boy)friends

by clownnix



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji Deserves the World, Akaashi Keiji Is So Done, Akaashi Keiji has a Harem, Akaashi Keiji-centric, Alternate Universe - College/University, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou Are Roommates, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou are Bros, Chaotic Good, Chaotic Group Chats, Flirting, Fluff, Friendship, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Hinata Shouyou is a Little Shit, I Don't Even Know, Jealousy, Kozume Kenma is a Good Friend, M/M, Miya Atsumu is a Little Shit, Multi, Polyamory, Sakusa Kiyoomi is Bad at Feelings, chatfic, college is hard, established relationships - Freeform, group chats, horny boyfriends, i need a beta reader rn, irresponsible adults, sophomore year, they aren't dating each other but they all date akaashi, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:46:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 34,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28266369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clownnix/pseuds/clownnix
Summary: When Akaashi Keiji started college he thought of it as nothing more than a period of time where he was going to study hard and keep up with his friends rather weird antiques. But that wasn't exactly what happened. Instead, he ended up with a bunch of boyfriends and a fucking mess.His sophomore year turned out to be a little more chaotic he would've wanted it to be.(Or a chatfic with Akaashi having a harem.)
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Hinata Shouyou, Akaashi Keiji/Iwaizumi Hajime, Akaashi Keiji/Kita Shinsuke, Akaashi Keiji/Kuroo Tetsurou, Akaashi Keiji/Miya Atsumu, Akaashi Keiji/Oikawa Tooru, Akaashi Keiji/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Akaashi Keiji/Suna Rintarou
Comments: 66
Kudos: 116





	1. the (stupid) prank

**Author's Note:**

> okay, this is a mess i'm warning you. it's mostly a chatfic so yeah.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> akaashi is forced to prank his seven boyfriends. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so chaotic welp.

**we are all single, but akaashi**

_Bokuto-san, Konoha-san, My Onigiri Chef, MY Kozume, Komori_

**Bokuto-san**

so i was thinking

**Konoha-san**

ah shit, here we go again

**You**

Please no.

**Komori**

I love how every time Bokuto says he's thinking about something everyone thinks it's a bad thing

**My Onigiri Chef**

That's because it is

**Bokuto-san**

you are so rude to me!!!

**You**

Bokuto-san, just say it.

**Bokuto-san**

thank u kaashi

how i was saying

we know kaashi has like a lot of bfs

**MY Kozume**

ur point being...?

**Konoha-san**

wowowo kenma is here 

**Komori**

That's surprising

**You**

Let Bokuto-san finish.

**Komori**

Sorry :(

**Konoha-san**

^

**Bokuto-san**

THANK U KAASHI AGAIN

so

i was thinking he could like prank his bfs

**You**

No.

**MY Kozume**

no.

**Konoha-san**

yes

**My Onigiri Chef**

Yes

**Komori**

Does that include Sakusa?

**Bokuto-san**

duh

i said ALL his bfs

**Komori**

Omg then no

**You**

I don't want what happened last time to happen again.

**MY Kozume**

don't remind me.

**My Onigiri Chef**

I just want to see my brother suffer

**Konoha-san**

nice bro

**Komori**

The last time Akaashi did a prank on them I ended up monitoring an angry cleaning Omi soooo...

**You**

Don't.

**MY Kozume**

yes, don't. i had to deal with kuroo crying on my bed.

**Bokuto-san**

HAHAIHDWINHQIDOFHO;F

WHY DIDN'T YOU SEND A PIC KENMA

**You**

I-

**Konoha-san**

i literally can't say shit because i don't have to deal with any of them

so i vote that akaashi should do it

**My Onigiri Chef**

As long as Tsumu suffers I vote positive too

**MY Kozume**

if y'all manage to keep kuroo away from me then ig i vote positive too.

**You**

That's betrayal Kozume.

I do not agree with this.

I'm the bitch who's going to suffer, not any of you.

**Konoha-san**

"the bitch"

**Komori**

I'm curious but I don't want Omi to use all his cleaning supplies again while angry cleaning ;-;

**My Onigiri Chef**

Just say yes

**Komori**

Fine, I vote positive

**You**

I officially lost hope in humanity.

And why is Bokuto-san so quiet?

**Konoha-san**

yeah, that's suspicious

**My Onigiri Chef**

That's weird

**Komori**

And you wanna know what else is funny?

**MY Kozume**

no.

**You**

Thank you, Kozume.

I can't deal with any more Cardi B shit.

**Konoha-san**

that hurts akaashi

**You**

Don't care. <3

**My Onigiri Chef**

Akaashi marry me

**You**

As long as you cook for me.

**Konoha-san**

HAIHDWQHDHAHHAA

AKAASHI REALLY SAID "I DON'T HAVE 7 BOYFRIENDS"

**Komori**

and i oop

**MY Kozume**

no.

_(My Onigiri Chef took a screenshot)_

**You**

Be careful who you send that to.

I still haven't changed the code to open my dorm.

**Konoha-san**

if i were you i would be changing that shit rn

**Komori**

Same

**My Onigiri Chef**

I sent it to Tsumu <3

**You**

Asshole.

**MY Kozume**

i'll protect you akaashi.

i have to finish this round tho.

so survive a little longer.

and ffs change your code.

**You**

Yes, Kozume.

I love you.

**MY Kozume**

i love you too akaashi.

now i'm gonna take my leave.

_(MY Kozume is offline)_

_(My Onigiri Chef took a screenshot)_

**Konoha-san**

he's gonna end ur whole career akaashi

**You**

And I'm ending his.

Just you wait Samu. <3

**Komori**

Damn

When he puts the heart I don't know if to laugh or start preparing Osamu's funeral

**My Onigiri Chef**

Yeah, definitely both

**You**

Whatever.

They are all @ me in the group chat.

AND WHERE IS BOKUTO-SAN.

**Konoha-san**

he's mad and panicking

osamu that's your fault

**Komori**

Akaashi is right

Where is Bokuto?

**My Onigiri Chef**

@ Him

_@Bokuto-san_

**You**

_@Bokuto-san_

**Konoha-san**

_@Bokuto-san_

**Komori**

_@Bokuto-san_

**You**

He's online though.

What the fuck is he doing?

_@Bokuto-san_

**Bokuto-san**

KAASHI

**Konoha-san**

well, he certainly did something

**My Onigiri Chef**

No shit

**Komori**

Was Omi affected by whatever you did Bokuto?

I don't want to deal with his angry cleaning...

**Konoha-san**

you've said that like ten times

is it that bad?

**You**

Yes.

**Komori**

Yes

**My Onigiri Chef**

Yes

**Bokuto-san**

yes

**Konoha-san**

well damn

**You**

Bokuto-san

**Bokuto-san**

AH YES

I WAS PLANNING THE PRANK THINGY

I HAVE IT ALL NOW

**My Onigiri Chef**

Why are you writing in caps tho...?

**Bokuto-san**

forgot to turn them off after writing a HEY HEY HEY

**You**

Figures.

Okay Bokuto-san, if I agree to do this prank of yours will you take your vitamins without complaining?

**Konoha-san**

he's such a mom

**Komori**

Yeah, it's cute

**My Onigiri Chef**

Kita-san wants to know your location

**You**

HAHHAIQHSHD

Okay, that was funny.

Tell Kita-san he can join my little group of (boy)friends.

I like him.

**Konoha-san**

aren't 7 enough?

you want more?

you masochist

_(My Onigiri Chef took a screenshot)_

_(Bokuto-san took a screenshot)_

**You**

I was kidding.

Please don't send that to any of them.

I'm begging you Osamu, Bokuto-san.

I'm already going insane with all their notifications @ me.

**Komori**

Why don't you check what they are saying?

Or what they want

**Konoha-san**

komori, child

that's suicide

akaashi is smarter than that

he knows he has to wait until at least half of them are asleep to talk in there

**You**

Exactly.

It's rule #28 in dating seven people.

**Bokuto-san**

OKAY ARE YOU DONE

I WANT TO DO THE PRANK NOW

**My Onigiri Chef**

Took him long enough

**Konoha-san**

joihfeiha;f9

**Komori**

amc;aodq[fu[0wiwq[k

**Bokuto-san**

everyone keep quiet pls

so

kaashi you are going to go in there and tell them you are breaking up with all of them

like REALLY serious

and they are prolly going to cry and beg bc #simps

what do you think?

**My Onigiri Chef**

Fucking hilarious

Tsumu is SO going to freak out

Bokuto, I never thought I would say this but thank you

**Konoha-san**

OMGOMGOMG

IT'S GONNA BE SO FUNNY

**Komori**

Omi is gonna do a lot of angry cleaning

But yeah

I think it could be fun

_(MY Kozume is online)_

**MY Kozume**

do it akaashi, i'll visit your dorm in a sec.

_(MY Kozume is offline)_

**Konoha-san**

he really just got online to say that and then left

**You**

...

Bokuto-san.

We are going to have a serious talk tomorrow.

Thank the gods it's already late and I can't visit your dorm because Tetsurou is there.

But I swear to God my dear senpai.

:)

**Komori**

Omi is sending very angry stares at me atm

He's asking who I'm talking to

What do I saypfuoiaheifa;ohfpe

_(Komori is offline)_

**My Onigiri Chef**

Well, one down

Pray for his soul

**Bokuto-san**

kuroo is confused and keeps asking me why kaashi is not answering them

_(MY Kozume is online)_

**MY Kozume**

shouyou is worried and has the cutest pout.

but other than that it's fine.

**You**

Omg, send pic.

Shouyou's pouts are the best.

_(MY Kozume sent an attachment)_

_(MY Kozume is offline)_

**You**

I love him.

He's so cute when he's not in his whole "I'm top" shit.

When he's like that he's just straight-up h o t.

**Konoha-san**

akaashi dear, keep that to urself

wait no

share more

hinata tops you???

**Bokuto-san**

my student is the best

i taught him the basics of topping someone

**My Onigiri Chef**

Ok...

Whatever

Tsumu is just being as loud and annoying as ever

Great

Now he's complaining about how Akaashi loves me more

Fix your shit Akaashi

**You**

I'm supposed to break up with him now though...

**My Onigiri Chef**

Ah

_(Komori is online)_

**Komori**

Okay, I calmed him down

Now it's the best time for the prank Akaashi

Go ahead

I'll take pics of his state

**Bokuto-san**

same with kuroo

**My Onigiri Chef**

Same with Tsumu

_(MY Kozume is online)_

**MY Kozume**

same with shouyou.

_(MY Kozume is offline)_

**Komori**

Why doesn't he stay online...?

**You**

Because he's Kozume Kenma, what do you expect?

Anyways.

I'll do the prank now.

**Bokuto-san**

GOOD LUCK KAASHI

**Konoha-san**

good luck akaashi dear

**Komori**

Good luck Akaashi <3

**My Onigiri Chef**

Good luck fellow onigiri worshipper

* * *

**best boyfriends ever**

_Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3, Tooru-san <3, Iwa-san <3, Omi <3, _ _TsumTsum <3, Rin <3, Sho-chan <3_

**You**

Uh, hi?

**Tooru-san <3**

OMG KEIJI FINALLY

**TsumTsum <3**

WE'VE BEEN @ YOU FOR THE PAST TEN HOURS

**Rin <3**

shut up atsumu

keiji, what were you doing?

you were online :)

**Omi <3**

I attacked Komori. 

He was talking with him and Miya Osamu, Konoha Akinori, Kozume Kenma, and Bokuto.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

I KNEW IT

BOKUTO HAD A WEIRD GRIN

HE KNOWS SOMETHING

THEY ALL DO

**Iwa-san <3**

Please calm down, all of you

**Sho-chan <3**

akaashi-san!!!

i missed you :(

**You**

Sho baby. :(

**TsumTsum <3**

why did ya answered shouyou-kun and not us?

**Tooru-san <3**

YEAH

It's almost as Chibi-chan is the favorite

I can't accept that

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

What are you all complaining about?

Chibi-chan is treated differently because he bottoms for Keiji

Right?

**You**

Actually no.

He mostly tops.

But that's not important.

**Rin <3**

well damn

i didn't expect that

**TsumTsum <3**

shouyou-kun...

**Iwa-san <3**

Surprising but not really

**Tooru <3**

Chibi-chan why...

Now we have no excuses for you being the favorite

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

nfwnefwjfonwjfnqajnflnq

**Sho-chan <3**

hehehehe

**Omi <3**

Whatever.

Keiji.

I saw something about I don't know, breaking up, on Komori's phone.

Who is breaking up with who? 

And I hope you don't say you are because I swear to god. :)

**You**

...

**TsumTsum <3**

WAIT WHAT

SAMU IS LAUGHING

NO

KEIJI-KUN YOU ARE NOT BREAKING UP WITH US, RIGHT?

**Iwa-san <3**

I hope the fuck not :)

**Tooru-san <3**

Keiji you broke Iwa-chan

He has a maniac smile on and I think I'm in danger

HOWEVER

YOU CAN'T BREAK UP WITH US

**Sho-chan <3**

YEAH THAT AKAASHI-SAN

KENMA IS NOT ANSWERING MY QUESTIONS

AKBFKJFL/QFIHF;KFK'FKPQF

AKAASHI-SAN PLS

I'LL GO CRY TO YOUR DORM IF YOU DO IT

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Guys

Let's be mature here

Keiji is NOT breaking up with us

He can't

We are never leaving him alone

I thought we agreed

**Rin <3**

dude

i hope he dumps your asses

and stays with me <3

**TsumTsum <3**

that's fuckin heartless rin-kun

**Omi <3**

I, for a change, agree with him.

Keiji should break up with all of you.

And stay with me, duh.

**You**

Let me speak for fuck's sake.

**Iwa-san <3**

Sorry, Keiji

**Sho-chan <3**

sorry, akaashi-san :(

**Tooru-san <3**

Sorry, Keiji-chan

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Sorry, Keiji

**TsumTsum <3**

sorry, keiji-kun

**Omi <3**

Sorry, i guess.

**Rin <3**

srry

**You**

So, I was talking with my best friends.

You know who they are so don't even ask.

And I came to the conclusion these relationships are not the best for me.

Devoting my time to all of you and your fighting is exhausting.

So I think the best option here is to break up with ALL of you.

Besides, I like someone new.

Someone I want to have a relationship with, but just him.

Sorry guys, I love you all.

* * *

**we are all single, but akaashi**

_Bokuto-san, Konoha-san, My Onigiri Chef, MY Kozume, Komori_

**You**

OH MY GOD.

I THINK I WENT TOO FAR.

**My Onigiri Chef**

dUDE

YOU BROKE ATSUMU

HE IS NOT MOVING

WAIT NO THIS WAS TOO MUCH

I FEEL BAD FOR HIM

**Bokuto-san**

KUROO IS NOT MOVING EITHER

HE'S JUST BLINKING AND REREADING WHAT YOU PUT

KAASHI WTF YOU DID SO WELL

**Komori**

AKAASHI HIDE

CHANGE YOUR CODE

SAKUSA IS GOING YOUR WAY

AND HE'S MAD MAD

HE ALMOST STRANGLED ME

OMG

**MY Kozume**

shouyou is crying dude.

come comfort him or smth.

**You**

I CAN'T LEAVE MY DORM.

KIYOOMI IS COMING WTF.

HE'S GOING TO BREAK THE DOOR I JUST KNOW IT.

SHOULD I LIKE RUN FOR IT????

**Konoha-san**

i don't know what's happening

akaashi make a screenshot or smth

**You**

KONOHA-SAN.

FINE.

**My Onigiri Chef**

BITCH RUN FOR IT NOW

TSUMU IS STORMING TO YOUR DORM

I REPEAT

RUN FOR FUCKING IT

**Bokuto-san**

KUROO IS TOO

THE THREE OF THEM ARE GOING TO BREAK YOUR FUCKING DOOR

**My Onigiri Chef**

BITCH THREE?

SUNA CALLED ATSUMU

LAZY ASS SUNA IS GOING TOO

S U N A

**You**

YO WHAT.

LET ME TAKE THE SCREENSHOT SHUT UP.

* * *

**best boyfriends ever**

_Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3, Tooru-san <3, Iwa-san <3, Omi <3, _ _TsumTsum <3, Rin <3, Sho-chan <3_

**TsumTsum <3**

you are joking, right?

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

I think I read that wrong

**Omi <3**

I fucking knew it.

**Tooru-san <3**

Keiji, you are not being serious right now

Right?

**Rin <3**

fuck this

if you think it's that easy you are WRONG

you can't break up with us over text

**Iwa-san <3**

He can't break up with us overall

He's just kidding, I hope

**Sho-chan <3**

iwaizumi-san, that looked pretty serious to me

akaashi-san just broke up with us over text

with all of us

**TsumTsum <3**

and he's online

(You took two screenshots)

**Rin <3**

what the fuck

**Omi <3**

Did he just...?

**Tooru-san <3**

Yo, I'm getting mad here

**Iwa-san <3**

No shit

* * *

**we are all single, but akaashi**

_Bokuto-san, Konoha-san, My Onigiri Chef, MY Kozume, Komori_

_(You sent two attachments)_

**Konoha-san**

BRO

WHAT

THEY ARE DYING

**You**

I KNOW.

I'M ALMOST CRYING.

**My Onigiri Chef**

I HOPE YOU ARE ALREADY OUT OF CAMPUS TAKING AN AIRPLANE TO FUCKING SOUTH AMERICA OR SOMETHING

BECAUSE AKAASHI KEIJI YOU ARE DEAD

**Bokuto-san**

I'M SORRY KAASHI

I DIDN'T THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO TURN OUT SO WELL

WE ALL ARE GETTING CLOSE TO YOUR DORM

DO NOT OPEN THAT DOOR UNTIL WE GET THERE

**You**

HURRY THOUGH.

I HAVE A FEELING SOMEONE IS GOING TO GET THROUGH THE WINDOW.

**Komori**

THAT WOULD BE OMI

IF THEY MANAGE TO OPEN YOUR DOOR FUCKING HIDE AKAASHI

**MY Kozume**

i'm here, open up before one of those guys sees me.

**You**

YES KENMA.

* * *

Akaashi opened the door to his dorm, his hands shaking and sweaty. Ever since Bokuto said he wanted him to prank his boyfriends he knew things were going to go sideways. But he didn't anticipate it to be so bad. When Kenma got in he looked side to side in the hallways and saw his other friends, Komori, Osamu, Konoha, and Bokuto, running towards him. But they were not alone. Close behind them were seven other boys, and Akaashi knew them all way too well.

"Could you like fucking hurry?" Kenma yelled at their friends and pulled Akaashi away from the door. "Get to the back, we'll stop them from coming in."

Akaashi nodded, but he was too nervous. How long was the prank supposed to last? He didn't know, but he wanted to end it right there. When his friends got inside of his dorm panting and closing the door behind them before Akaashi's boyfriends, or ex-boyfriend's for the prank's sake, could get in he felt a little better. Aat least he wasn't in imminent danger anymore.

"Oh my God, that persecution was intense." Komori chuckled.

"I know right! They were yelling at us and all."

Their phones were blowing up, and they knew the boys outside were trying not to make any loud noises. There were other people other than them in the next dorms. Akaashi took a deep breath and got closer to the door, sitting in front of it. The others followed and sat down on the floor making a small circle. They were all nervous, their frantic breathing and sweaty hands proved it way too well. But who could blame them? Only a small door separated them from six angry tall men and a smaller redhead who was equally as mad and scary as the others were.

"We can say the prank was a success," Konoha breathed out. "But how are we going to reason with them? They look like animals right now and you are their prey, Akaashi."

"Oh really? I didn't notice."

They all laughed at Akaashi's words and apparently the boys outside heard them because Akaashi could swear he heard them growling.

"Dude, your ass is dead. And I mean that in all possible ways." Osamu covered his mouth to stop himself from laughing even more.

"That's not important now Miya, we have to do something about _them._ " Akaashi agreed with Kenma on this one.

The raven-haired nodded and stood up. He gestured his friends to sit down on his bed and they did. Akaashi had all eyes on him and he knew they were waiting for him to say or do something but he was shaking. He wasn't afraid of his boyfriends, but rather of what the fuck they've become in like a couple of minutes. Akaashi looked back at his friends and took a deep breath. They all nodded and he opened the door. He was greeted by seven pairs of eyes.

"So, do you want to come in?" Akaashi heard Konoha and Bokuto snickering in the back and he groaned. "Shut up you two, it's all your fault anyways."

"My fault?! It was all Bokuto!"

Akaashi ignored them and moved a bit for his boyfriends to get in. They entered one by one, throwing glances in Akaashi's direction.

"Why are they here?" Sakusa pointed at Akaashi's bed, where his five friends were sitting.

Komori rolled his eyes and smiled at his cousin, "Omi, we are the protection squad. We are here to make sure you all don't destroy Akaashi's ass tonight."

Akaashi was going to protest but Bokuto started screaming incoherent words until he calmed down a bit for people to understand him.

"What I mean is, it was all a prank!"

_Silence._

_Blinks._

_Silence._

_Sighs of reliefs._

"Wait, so no breakup?" Atsumu looked at Akaashi with puppy eyes.

Akaashi nodded with a small smile and ruffled Atsumu's blond hair. "No breakup."


	2. a (jealous) cousin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kageyama wants his cousin back and miwa and akaashi try to reason with him. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah, tobio and miwa are akaashi's cousins because i just love that dynamic

**the gang (?)**

_Tobio-chan, Miwa_

**Tobio-chan**

_@You_

why is it every time i try to get a hold of you you are surrounded by all your boyfriends???

**Miwa**

Oh well, Keiji has boyfriends?

Emphasis on the s

**You**

Tobio, what the hell?

I literally asked you to come by my dorm two days ago and you said you were busy.

**Tobio-chan**

THAT'S BECAUSE I WAS

**Miwa**

I still don't get the whole boyfriends thing

**You**

I have seven boyfriends.

**Tobio-chan**

WAIT WHAT

I THOUGHT THEY WERE LIKE FOUR

**Miwa**

First, Tobio dear do you know how to count? Need help in math like back in high school?

Second, what did you just say Keiji?

Seven boyfriends???

**You**

Long story.

**Tobio-chan**

we want to hear it

or um read it?

**Miwa**

Yeah that

**You**

Weren't we just talking about Tobio's issue?

**Miwa**

That can wait, right?

**Tobio-chan**

ujum

but we ARE talking about it later

i still can't believe i have to fight to see MY cousin

**You**

Right...

So what do you want to know exactly?

**Miwa**

EVERYTHING

**You**

Okay.

I guess I'll start by saying they are not dating each other.

It's weird though, they mostly despise each other.

Some are like best friends but others just straight-up want to kill the rest.

So it's safe to say I am dating seven boys but they are not dating each other, just me.

**Tobio-chan**

oh yeah i totaly knew that

**You**

It's "totally", Tobio.

**Miwa**

Don't even try

And WOW THAT'S COOL

I wished I had a harem too

**You**

Harem? Interesting term.

**Tobio-chan**

so boke is not dating oikawa-san then?

just you?

**You**

Correct.

**Tobio-chan**

that makes me feel better

**Miwa**

Hold on, hold on

You are dating boke as of Sunshine Shouyou?

And Oikawa-san as Tobio's bully Oikawa?

**You**

Yes.

**Miwa**

Keiji what?!

Who are the rest?

**You**

Kuroo Tetsurou, Iwaizumi Hajime, Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Atsumu, and Suna Rintarou.

**Miwa**

I don't know half of them but their names sound hot

I'm so jealous right now

How did my little cousin end up having seven boyfriends?

What happened to the "It's just a nightstand" Keiji?

**Tobio-chan**

that's exactly what i'm asking

and they are all so klcjsalja

keiji can't even breathe without one of them being there

**You**

Well, that's because I pranked them recently.

It was all Bokuto-san's idea, but I ended up almost dead.

**Miwa**

Of course, Bokuto

What was it?

**Tobio-chan**

i heard smth from boke

he said you broke up with all of them as a prank

**You**

Yes.

It was... weird.

They are all just keeping an eye on me.

They still don't understand it was a prank.

**Miwa**

They surely love you then

I'm so happy

Do you have a picture with all of them?

**Tobio-chan**

i do

keiji made me take a picture some weeks ago

**Miwa**

Send it

_(Tobio-chan sent an attachment)_

_(Miwa saved an attachment)_

**Miwa**

So pretty 

Shouyou looks as cute as ever, though, are those tan lines???

Tetsurou still rocks the bedhead I see

Tooru and Hajime are still besties too, how nice

And who is that one with the mask? He's hot

WAIT THE ONE WITH THE YELLOWISH EYES

HE LOOKS LIKE A FOX OMG I WANT HIM TO MARRY ME

**You**

No. Mine.

_(Tobio-chan took a screenshot)_

**Tobio-chan**

i just have to send that to suna-san

he'll be so pleased

**You**

dude no need

**Miwa**

Dude? No caps or period?

**You**

ah that

i'm the yellowish eyed dude

the one you want to marry for some reason (?)

**Tobio-chan**

suna-san?

**Miwa**

Oh

What happened to Keiji?

**You**

um he's... busy

after i read what he said about me being his i had to do smth you know?

i'm texting in his place for the time being

so, what's up?

**Tobio-chan**

wait so like is keiji busy with smth sexual right now?

because i don't consent

**Miwa**

TOBIO WHY

**You**

dude, how did you know?

hinata says you are like dumb but i think otherwise

**Miwa**

He's smart when it comes to Keiji

**Tobio-chan**

im smart overall

what are u talking about

**Miwa**

Yes Tobio, you are

So

I have a question

What are you guys doing exactly?

**You**

oh

keiji's suckiwhilfakjasha

**Tobio-chan**

sucki-?

**Miwa**

Well, he died

**You**

oops sorry

keiji says you don't have to know

smth about "rin baby, sweetheart, beautiful, family doesn't need to know"

i swear he said it like that

**Miwa**

Yeah, no

Pretty sure he didn't even say half of those things

**Tobio-chan**

careful suna-san :)

keiji only calls ME sweetheart :)

**Miwa**

Tobio, please

**You**

you sure buddy?

**Tobio-chan**

:)

what are you doing in keiji's dorm anyways?

are the others there too?

OMG IS KEIJI SAFE

**You**

bro yes, he's safe

and it's only me

i'm kinda the favorite so i get special treatment

they all think is hinata but nah

but i can't tell them that bc then keiji would find another favorite

**Miwa**

Makes sense

You would be my favorite too ngl

**Tobio-chan**

ONEE-CHAN

**You**

omg thank u

i told keiji that and he's jealous

when he's jealous he suckliahfilhanf

**Miwa**

I don't want to know what happened

**Tobio-chan**

i'll ruin the party

i'm going to visit keiji's dorm

**You**

dude no

that's not cool

i'm getting the best head i've had in ages

you are NOT ruining it

oh shit keiji saw-

jakdlihfiahfcndz.vlvj;fufamv zk

**Tobio-chan**

...

**Miwa**

...

**Tobio-chan**

so that's what keiji is doing

i didn't need to know

**Miwa**

Me neither

**You**

Okay, I took my phone back.

I'm sorry for everything Rin said.

And Miwa, don't look at him anymore.

He's not marrying you.

**Miwa**

So are you jelly?

**You**

No.

**Tobio-chan**

suna-san said you were

**You**

Whatever he said doesn't matter.

He's tamed now.

**Miwa**

Other than giving him a blowjob what else did you do?

**You**

:)

That's for me to know and for you to NOT find out.

**Tobio-chan**

that's not how the saying goes tho

**Miwa**

...

I'm actually surprised you know that Tobio

**You**

Same.

**Tobio-chan**

moving on

can you force suna-san out of ur dorm keiji?

**You**

For what?

**Tobio-chan**

i want to see you :)

without any of your boyfriends around

**You**

Sorry, Tobio.

Suna is rather needy and clingy despite popular belief.

If I tell him to go I think I'm not going to be able to walk for the next few weeks.

**Miwa**

So he's also a sex beast?

How much Keiji? How much do you want for us to make an exchange?

You give me the fox boy and I give you my love

**You**

Yeah, no.

I already told you he's mine.

I will not hesitate to track you down Miwa.

One of my other boyfriends would be delighted to commit murder with me.

**Miwa**

;-;

**Tobio-chan**

YOU KNOW WHAT

i can't deal with this anymore

talk to you later onee-chan

**Miwa**

Wait, what?

**You**

Oh, he created a group chat.

He's fast when he's mad.

How endearing.

**Miwa**

HAHAHHAHA

Good luck Keiji

And please give me the fox boy's number

**You**

No. <3

* * *

**give me back keiji**

_Tobio-chan, Rin <3, Tooru-san <3, Sho-chan <3, TsumTsum <3, Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3, Iwa-san <3, Omi <3_

**Tooru-san <3**

Oh, how wonderful

Tobio-chan made a group chat

**Sho-chan <3**

is kageyama-kun jealous hihi?

**Tobio-chan**

shut up boke, this isn't about you

**You**

It is though...

Whatever.

Tobio, just come over.

**Tobio-chan**

no, too late keiji

now i'll have a serious conversation with your boyfriends

**TsumTsum <3**

tobio-kun is jealous of us

wow

i love my life

**Omi <3**

I'm not dealing with this.

I have to clean up.

Keiji, come to my dorm later. I have something for you. Love you.

For the others, bye disgusting germs, I hate you all and I hope you die in your sleep. <3

_(Omi <3 is offline)_

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Well, that was pretty

I'm sure he likes us at least a bit deep down

**Tobio-chan**

i'm just going to pretend i was not part of the hate message

i see what you said about them hating each other, keiji

**Iwa-san <3**

Keiji said that?

**You**

Tobio, sweetheart.

Whatever I said stays between us and Miwa, thank you. <3

**Tobio-chan**

aha

but _@Rin <3 _did you see that? i told you he only calls ME sweetheart

**Rin <3**

whatever

he calls me other things he'll never call you anyways

perks of being the boyfriend and favorkajnhfihoialfhan

_(Rin <3 is offline)_

**Tooru-san <3**

Was he going to say "favorite" before he magically died?

**Sho-chan <3**

that's me tho

i thought we already established that ;)

**TsumTsum <3**

so now you are showing ur true colors shouyou-kun?

i knew ya were a little shit underneath all that cuteness

**Sho-chan <3**

it is what it is, atsumu-san

but i'm still the favorite

**Tobio-chan**

i beg to differ

i know who's the favorite

kinda confirmed by keiji himself

_(Rin <3 is online)_

**You**

Kageyama Tobio shut the fuck up.

I told you to keep that previous conversation to yourself.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Oya oya oya?

Does that mean Chibi-chan is not the favorite anymore?

**Tooru-san <3**

Oh well, then it's me

Thank you Tobio-chan for being useful for once

**Iwa-san <3**

Keep dreaming, Shittykawa

And stop bullying Kageyama, get over it already

**TsumTsum <3**

i am the favorite

and why is rin-kun so quiet?

he came back right before keiji-kun talked again

**Sho-chan <3**

im hurt here

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san**

Atsumu is right

Keiji disappeared when Suna was offline and came back when he got online

**You**

Honestly, I'll go visit Kiyoomi.

Tobio, you say whatever you wanted to say WITHOUT mentioning our previous conversation.

**Rin <3**

wdym you are going to visit sakusa?

i'm literally witlkaifhiajvsjvihg

_(Rin <3 is offline)_

**Iwa-san <3**

He was going to say "with you"

**TsumTsum <3**

he definitely was

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

And Keiji stopped talking

**Sho-chan <3**

so suna-san is the new favorite? </3

**Tobio-chan**

suffer boke

you took keiji away from me

serves you right

**Tooru-san <3**

Wow, Tobio-chan is salty

He really is jealous

**Sho-chan <3**

kageyama :)

**Iwa-san <3**

Hinata, don't fight with Kageyama

You two are at two completely different places in Keiji's life

Kageyama is family, you are his boyfriend

**TsumTsum <3**

ONE of his boyfriends

and not even the favorite anymore

poor shouyou-kun

**Sho-chan <3**

at least i was

what about you atsumu-san?

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

CHIBI-CHAN HAISHAIDHKA

**Tooru-san <3**

CHIBI-CHAN REALLY WENT THERE HUH HAHAHHAKJAHDJKA

**TsumTsum <3**

shouyou-kun i thought we were friends </3

**Sho-chan <3**

we are atsumu-san!

**Iwa-san <3**

Hinata, you can't just say that after hurting his feelings

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

The worst part is that it actually sounds genuine

**Tooru-san <3**

I KNOW RIGHT

**TsumTsum <3**

:(

**Tobio-chan**

you done?

**You**

Just say it.

**TsumTsum <3**

where is rin now?

you are talking but he's still offline

(please comfort me keiji-kun, the others broke my heart)

**You**

Why would I know where he is?

I'm not with him or anything.

(I'll go cuddle with you in a bit and bring ice cream.)

**Sho-chan <3**

we all know you are with suna-san

even i can tell

**Tooru-san <3**

You don't know how to lie, do you Keiji-chan?

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

You know you are a bad liar when you are even busted over text

**You**

Go die Kuroo-san. <3

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Ouch

But I know you love me even if you are mean to me

**Tobio-chan <3**

you done? (2)

_(Rin <3 is online)_

**You**

Will you stop?

**Rin <3**

yes

**You**

Good.

**Iwa-san <3**

Now I'm curious

How is Suna even the favorite?

**Rin <3**

jealous?

**Iwa-san <3**

I don't get jealous

**You**

Rintarou.

**Rin <3**

sorry

**TsumTsum <3**

he's so tamed lol

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

You talk like you aren't

**TsumTsum <3**

...

**Sho-chan <3**

so...

akaashi-san

do you want to explain why in the world is suna-san at the top atm?

**Tooru-san <3**

Yeah, that

It should be me

**You**

He's not though.

**Tobio-chan**

you done? (3)

**You**

Yes, are you done? My cousin has something to say.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Look at him changing the topic

**Tooru-san <3**

This is not over yet

**Rin <3**

stay mad hoes

and i'm not apologizing anymore keiji

now either you come to your own bed right now or i'm going to throw your phone through the window

you've been warned

_(Rin <3 is offline)_

**You**

...

**Sho-chan <3**

:)

kageyama-kun speak

i'll make akaashi-san see me as his favorite again later

**TsumTsum <3**

that sounds weirdly sexual

**Iwa-san <3**

That's because it probably is

**Tooru-san <3**

Who would've thought? Chibi-chan is bold and apparently dominant

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Who would've thought indeed

_(Tobio-chan muted everyone but @You)_

**You**

Thanks, Tobio-chan.

**Tobio-chan**

i missed you calling me tobio-chan :)

however, i came here originaly to make a deal with all of you

**You**

"Originally"

**Tobio-chan**

yes, that

how i was saying

you all stole keiji, and i want him back

so i propose a solution

**You**

Which is?

**Tobio-chan**

well, glad you ask 'ji

i propose you break up with them fr

**You**

dude, i liked you

**Tobio-chan**

okay, everyone but Suna-san and maybe boke

ah and sakusa-san, i'm afraid he'll kill me

**You**

good, now i like you again

Moving on.

How is that a solution?

**Tobio-chan**

because it is (?)

**You**

Nice.

_(Tobio-chan unmuted everyone)_

**Tooru-san <3**

TOBIO-CHAN WHAT THE FUCK

I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE A LITTLE SHIT BUT NOW THIS IS TOO MUCH

**TsumTsum <3**

THAT'S LOW TOBIO-KUN

NOW I'M NOT EVEN SORRY I CALLED YOU A GOODY-TWO-SHOES BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL

I WAS THINKING IN APOLOGIZING BECAUSE KEIJI SAID IT WAS THE NICE THING TO DO

**Sho-chan <3**

not cool kageyama

breaking up is a pretty difficult topic here

bokuto-san's prank messed us up

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Oi, Kageyama

But you did this for what?

**Tobio-chan**

why not?

**Tooru-san <3**

Why?!

**Tobio-chan**

why not?

**TsumTsum <3**

why tho?

**You**

Forget that.

He never said anything.

Tobio, we'll talk later. I'll go to your dorm after I visit Tsumu and then Kiyoomi.

**Sho-chan <3**

and me? are you visiing me akaashi-san?

**You**

Not today Sho-chan, I know your intentions.

**Tooru-san <3**

And Iwa-chan and me?

**Iwa-san <3**

^

**You**

I'll visit you two tomorrow.

Sho-chan on Friday for reasons.

And Tetsurou on Thursday, but you'll have to get rid of Bokuto-san.

**Iwa-san <3**

Sounds good to me

**Tooru-san <3**

YEEEEES

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

But today is Tuesday, Keiji :(

**You**

Is just two days, and we'll see each other around campus anyways

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Yeah but not alone :(

But fine

I'll kick Bokuto out the whole Thursday

**You**

Good.

**Sho-chan <3**

i'm not complaining ;)

**You**

I seriously hate your libido.

**TsumTsum <3**

still curious about that

**Tooru-san <3**

Same

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

^

**Tobio-chan**

not happy but good enough

also

then when is suna-san's time?

they all have a day but he doesn't

**You**

W H Y D I D Y O U A S K E D

_(Rin <3 is online)_

**Rin <3**

just came here to answer the question

dear kageyama, my time is always

keiji has no roommate and i'm unofficially designated as the one now

so i'll be with keiji all the time ;)

stay pressed

you wished you were me, you losers

it's good to be the favorite

(i'm so glad sakusa is not here rn)

_(Rin <3 is offline)_

**You**

Ignoring that.

Are we done here?

**Tobio-chan**

suna-san is so cool

and yes, as long as you come to my dorm today

**You**

Yes.

**TsumTsum <3**

i don't know if to be mad at rin-kun or be proud

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Definitely the former

**Iwa-san <3**

Let him be

He can't be the favorite forever

**Tooru-san <3**

Still, it hurts </3

**You**

Tooru, I love you.

**Tooru-san <3**

...

It doesn't hurt anymore ;)

And I love you too Keiji-chan

**TsumTsum <3**

wow, we really are akaashi deprived

**Sho-chan <3**

yeap

**You**

How cute.

**Tobio-chan**

stop

* * *

**private messages with _TsumTsum <3_**

keiji-kun

when are you coming?

samu is with kita-san somewhere

so it's safe to say i'm alone

and sad :(

You are not sad, Tsumu.

But I'll be there shortly.

Okay, I said I was bringing ice cream but I don't want to get out of campus now so can I bring just my mere self?

that's fine

but you have to make it up to me with kisses and cuddles

like LOTS of cuddles

Yes.

Do you want me to bring your hoodie back? The red one I took last time?

no, wear it

i want to see u in it ;)

I can see through your intentions Tsumu.

You are not taking the hoodie off.

I still have to see Kiyoomi and Tobio after you.

fineeeee

but i can't promise i won't steal you from one of your classes for these next few days

Atsumu, no.

atsumu, yes

Fine.

I love you, idiot.

See you in a bit.

;)

i love you too keiji-kun!

see u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i know, sakusa was not really active in this chapter but there's a reason for that. don't despair, omiomi is the protagonist of the next chapter!


	3. a (nice) surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sakusa bought our dear akaashi a present. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are we ready to see a domestic sakusa? yes or no? ;)

**wash your hands**

_Omi <3, Komori_

**You**

so i was scrolling through keiji-kun's endless group chats and found this one

there was one tho that caught my attention besides this one

the name was "the holy trinity + our baby"

but i was too scared to see what it was about so i just ignored it

moving on

HI OMI-OMI

HOW ARE YA MY BESTIE

AND HI KOMORI

HOW ARE YA MY BESTIE'S CUZ

**Omi <3**

Dirty bitch.

Why are you touching Keiji's phone?

**Komori**

Kiyoomi, what did we said about being nice?

And I'm fine thank you :)

But just for confirmation, who are you and what did you do to Akaashi???

**Omi <3**

It's Atsumu.

**You**

OMI-OMI U KNEW

and as of what i did to keiji-kun...

nothing really

we were cuddling and he fell asleep

he's so cute

wanna see?

**Komori**

Oh

I want to see

**Omi <3**

Fine.

**You**

i'm so generous

i could keep this sleeping keiji all to myself but i decided to share it with ya omi-omi, my competition

_(You sent an attachment)_

**Komori**

jdnxnaliwndl,a=kci0wq[]olxq

**Omi <3**

He looks beautiful.

**You**

i know right???

this pic is our little secret

no one is sharing it with the others

**Omi <3**

I'll go print it and frame it.

We have a new piece of decoration for our dorm, Komori.

**Komori**

I can't even complain

**You**

HAHUHSHKJSJAJHJAHHA

how are ya even alive komori-kun?

**Omi <3**

What is that even supposed to mean, Miya? :)

**Komori**

Well, he cares for me so he can't really kill me

That's the only reason why I'm still alive

If I were some stranger then yeah, I would've been dead since the beginning of college

**You**

HAHAHHAHAKJAAKJDDKHW

hdjkauiewhduxs.

jdowiujmclsa

ksjowudeuksaoi0uq

0qiidjcqw9ud

**Komori**

Atsumu are you okay?

**Omi <3**

haha he died.

That makes me happy.

I'll be the first one at his funeral blasting the music.

:)

**Komori**

Sakusa Kiyoomi...

**You**

Guys, hi.

I'm sorry for whatever Atsumu said.

I fell asleep and he started texting people from my phone.

**Komori**

Oh it's fine

**Omi <3**

But is he dead or not?

**You**

Kiyoomi, he's alive.

**Omi <3**

Tsk.

Whatever.

Are you ditching him already?

I'm waiting for you. <3

**Komori**

...

**You**

...

**Omi <3**

What? Spit it out.

**Komori**

IS

**You**

THAT

**Komori**

A

**You**

HEART???

**Omi <3**

Yes.

**You**

Kiyoomi I love you.

I'll go to your dorm right now.

Komori get out of there. :)

**Komori**

But-

**Omi <3**

Bye, dear cousin.

**Komori**

I didn't wanted to be the third wheel anyways

Hm

_(Komori is offline)_

**You**

He definitely wanted to be the third wheel.

**Omi <3**

He did.

But meh.

Come over already.

**You**

Yes, sir.

* * *

"Don't leave me Keiji-kun! This is not fair," Atsumu pulled Akaashi back to his bed and snuggled closer to him, his face buried in the crook of his neck. "Omi-Omi can see you tomorrow."

Akaashi sighed and turned around, his face at the same level as Atsumu's. He placed a small kiss on his cheek and then a couple more around his whole face. Atsumu smiled lightly at this, a smile full of fondness and love. Akaashi smiled too and cupped Atsumu's face with his hands. They were two boys completely in love with each other and no one could deny that.

"Are ya gonna kiss me? Am I so irresistible?"

"Asshole." Akaashi chuckled and put his lips together in a slow, soft motion.

It was the type of kiss you see in romantic movies where the protagonists are under the rain on a starry night. But instead, they were snuggled against each other in Atsumu's dorm. The blond smiled in between the kiss and put his hand on Akaashi's lower back, drawing imaginary circles with his fingers.

"Yeah, no."

"I'm not doing anything." the shit-eating grin on his face said otherwise.

"Sure, _you are not doing anything_ ," the raven-haired rolled his eyes and kissed Atsumu on the lips once more before standing up from the bed. "I'll see you tomorrow, 'Tsumu. I know you are going to show up in one of my classes anyway."

The blond chuckled and sent him a kiss, "Ya know me so well, Keiji-kun."

"Don't cause a lot of trouble for Osamu."

Akaashi opened the door and got out of the dorm before Atsumu could argue about what he just said. He let a chuckle out once he was out and took his phone out of his pocket, he still had a long way to get to Sakusa's dorm.

* * *

**we are all single, but akaashi**

_Bokuto-san, Konoha-san, My Onigiri Chef, MY Kozume, Komori_

**My Onigiri Chef**

_@You_

Are you done?

Kita-san is already throwing me out

;-;

**Konoha-san**

sucks to be you man HAHAHA

**You**

Yes.

I just got out.

And Kita-san huh...

**My Onigiri Chef**

Bro stop simping for Kita-san, you already have 7 boyfriends

Moving on

FINALLY

But now that I think about it, I don't want to deal with Atsumu's depression

He always gets sad and clingy when you leave

Is like if he were drunk but without alcohol (?)

**Komori**

When Akaashi leaves Kiyoomi sulks too

**Bokuto-san**

THAT'S AKAASHI'S EFFECT

kuroo and i sulk too when he leaves

kuroo keeps telling me i'm not supposed to because i'm not akaashi's bf but i'm pretty sure i am

it's just not official and super secret

right kaashi?

**You**

Yes, Bokuto-san.

_(Bokuto-san took a screenshot)_

**Bokuto-san**

GIVE ME A SEC

I'M GONNA GO FLEX THIS TO KUROO

**Konoha-san**

ffs

aaaaand

we are not going to ignore what osamu said, right?

**MY Kozume**

what.

**Komori**

The Kita-san thing...?

**You**

Istg.

**My Onigiri Chef**

It's true though

Everyone simps for Kita-san, but in your case it's just being greedy

Leave the perfect man to the hungry

That means everyone BUT you 

**Konoha-san**

dude yes

simping for kita is like a requirement at this point

**You**

Want to see me confess to him?

**Komori**

Akaashi no

**You**

Akaashi yes.

**Bokuto-san**

THAT'S MY AGAASHE

GO GET UR MAN

EVEN IF HE'S THE EIGHTH ONE

**My Onigiri Chef**

Yeah, let's ignore that

We'll continue this conversation later

BUT NO CONFESSING TODAY

Maybe tomorrow

**You**

Okay.

**Komori**

If you really are going to do it then please tell your already jealous boyfriends first

**Konoha-san**

bitch don't

just do it and then add him to the group chat if he does say yes

**MY Kozume**

i don't think they'll mind.

we are talking about kita here.

THE kita.

**You**

I can't find a single lie in that statement.

**Bokuto-san**

yeah me neither

**My Onigiri Chef**

^

**Konoha-san**

^

**Komori**

I do see something wrong with that logic

They are going to freak out

Specially Suna because he is the favorite as of now

If Kita joins the party then it's over for all of them

He's too perfect

**Konoha-san**

...

that's also true

**You**

Oh...

I can see the issue now.

Oh well, I guess I'll have to talk it out a bit.

But I do want to be in a relationship with Kita-san.

He's just so good and beautiful and polite and organized and pretty and handsome and sweet.

**Bokuto-san**

kaashi, ur simp is showing

**MY Kozume**

i hate simps.

but there's no such thing as not being a simp for kita.

so akaashi is fine.

**You**

Thank you, Kozume.

I love you.

**MY Kozume**

i love you too akaashi. <3

now bye.

shouyou is calling me.

**Konoha-san**

oh to be hinata or akaashi

kenma literally loves them to the point of spending his riches on them

it's surreal

**My Onigiri Chef**

And that's another reason why Akaashi does NOT need Kita-san too

He has seven capable boyfriends AND a rich best friend

How lucky can someone be?

Oh right, Sakusa is kind of rich too

**You**

Stay mad Samu.

Talking about Kiyoomi, I'm on my way to his dorm.

He said he had something for me.

He even asked me to go with a heart and all.

**Bokuto-san**

TEACH ME UR WAYS KAASHI

HOW IN THE WORLD

**Komori**

It's true, I was there

And the gift though...

**MY Kozume**

i trust sakusa's taste.

but is it worthy?

**Konoha-san**

i can already tell it's gonna be smth really expensive for no reason

**You**

Well, if it is I'm going to kill him.

**My Onigiri Chef**

I suggest you start planning how you are going to do that

I just know it's going to be too much

**Komori**

I can't really spoil the surprise because then I'll be dead before midnight

But I can say it is expensive

LIKE REALLY EXPENSIVE

Kiyoomi went all out with this one

I'm so proud of my cousin :')

**You**

...

**Bokuto-san**

...

**Konoha-san**

...

**My Onigiri Chef**

...

**MY Kozume**

good.

i do not approve of sloppy gifts, not from sakusa at least.

the others... well, i can understand it.

**You**

Kozume...

**MY Kozume**

what?

i'm just being honest.

**Komori**

Yeah, we can see that clearly

**My Onigiri Chef**

He's trying to sympathize with our situation as not rich college students

But he's failing miserably

**Bokuto-san**

um guys

now that we are talking about money and stuff...

**Konoha-san**

i know where this is going

**You**

We all do.

**Bokuto-san**

so, how i was saying

how do taxes work exactly...?

**My Onigiri Chef**

...

**Komori**

...

**Konoha-san**

...

**You**

Bokuto-san, I love you and all, but if the police come looking for you for evading taxes I will not hesitate to say I do not know you.

I'm just warning you so you don't get surprised when it happens.

**MY Kozume**

couldn't be more same.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Sorry Bokuto, is nothing personal.

**Komori**

^

**Konoha-san**

you guys

that's just wrong

**Bokuto-san**

konoha <3

**Konoha-san**

i'll even add to the testimony against him so the cops think i'm totally cooperating

**Bokuto-san**

...

**My Onigiri Chef**

HAHHAHAKJAHHJKAKJHA

THAT'S TOO MUCH

**You**

That's just straight-up mean, Konoha-san.

**MY Kozume**

i don't see anything wrong with it.

it's self-preservation.

**Konoha-san**

kenma gets it

**Komori**

Well, he only cares for Hinata and Akaashi

And for Kuroo sometimes

Just sometimes

**MY Kozume**

i'm not going to deny that.

well bye, shouyou is still calling me.

he wants me to help him with some shopping for akaashi.

i'm happy to comply and share my resources with him.

everything for akaashi.

everything for shouyou.

_(MY Kozume is offline)_

**You**

I have to make a group chat with the rich ones.

They can't just keep buying me stuff.

Not THAT expensive stuff at least.

**Konoha-san**

so that means you accept you like the gifts?

**My Onigiri Chef**

Who doesn't?

**Komori**

True that

**Bokuto-san**

guys...

my problem here is quite real

i'm concerned about taxes

**You**

Everything's fine Bokuto-san

I'll go with you to check taxes out, okay?

**Bokuto-san**

agaashe :(

i wuv u

**You**

I love you too, Bokuto-san.

**My Onigiri Chef**

You are too good, Akaashi

That's going to be your downfall

**Konoha-san**

i agree

**Komori**

I do not

I find Akaashi's goodness endearing

That's why he has that many boys worshipping the ground he walks on

**Konoha-san**

i mean yeah

but that's also because he is a pretty boy

and like, his body is quite nice too

take it from an expert

**You**

Thank you.

I'm not going to ask about the expert part though.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Yeah, me neither

**Komori**

Not interested either

**Bokuto-san**

I AM

what do u mean by expert konoha?

**Konoha-san**

OH

i'm glad you asked bokuto

well, you see...

_(You muted @Konoha-san)_

**You**

Now that that's done, I'm leaving.

I already arrived to Kiyoomi's dorm.

Be good while I'm gone.

And do NOT unmute Konoha-san.

He deserves the timeout.

**Komori**

Thank you Akaashi

And good luck with Kiyoomi

**My Onigiri Chef**

Yeah

Please show us the gift when you're done

**Bokuto-san**

BYE KAASHI

I PROMISE KONOHA WILL STAY IN TIMEOUT WHILE U'RE GONE

**You**

Good.

* * *

To say that Akaashi was nervous was an understatement. It wasn't the first time Sakusa gave him a gift, _God no_ , but the mere thought of it made his chest tighten. Sakusa usually spent so much money on him, but he couldn't do the same. The same happened with Kenma. The raven-haired shook his head, it was not the time to think about that. With a sigh, he knocked on the door. He knew the code, but he felt it was better to let Sakusa know he was there by knocking. Maybe he was doing something private and Akaashi definitely didn't want to interrupt his boyfriend.

The door opened with a click, revealing a Sakusa with a small smile on his face. The taller boy placed a kiss on Akaashi's right cheek and let him in.

"Before you say anything, I know Komori said something about what I have for you," Sakusa closed the door and turned around to look at his slightly smaller boyfriend. Akaashi raised his eyebrows in surprise, Sakusa sometimes amazed him with how much he looked ahead of things. "I want you to know I bought this because I love you."

"I know Kiyoomi, and I love you too," Akaashi offered his hands to Sakusa, waiting for him to feel comfortable enough to take them. When he did, Akaashi intertwined their fingers. "That doesn't mean I'm going to gladly accept it. Instead, I have to shove some sense into your brain so you don't keep buying expensive things. I'm starting to think you have a shopping disorder and that's something _really_ problematic."

Sakusa's grin widened, "Are you implying you would leave me if I indeed had a shopping disorder?"

"Of course not," Sakusa chuckled and kissed the tip of Akaashi's nose. "Now, how come you are so cute with me?"

Sakusa shrugged and let go of Akaashi's hands. He pointed to his bed, letting Akaashi know he could sit down there. The taller man waited for the other to get comfortable and showed him a little bag. It was red and had golden letters imprinted in the center. It read _'Cartier'_. Akaashi immediately raised his gaze from the bag to his boyfriend. His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips pressed together in a thin line.

"If it is what I'm thinking I'm going to strangle you. I'm not kidding."

"Well, open it."

Sakusa gave him the bag, and sat down next to him on the bed. Akaashi looked at him and a smile threatened to appear on his lips. He seriously wanted to kill Sakusa, but seeing the excitement for knowing what he thought of the gift on his black eyes made him forget all about how expensive it actually was. He still didn't know what it was exactly, but it was obviously not cheap. Akaashi opened the little bag, finding two matching red boxes with the same word imprinted in the middle.

"I knew it."

Sakusa deadpanned. "Um no. You still have to see what's inside the boxes."

I mean, he was kind of right. But Akaashi already knew what it was just by the small boxes now laying on his thighs. He opened one, a bracelet and a small screwdriver sat comfortably in the black, velvety material from the inside of the box. The bracelet was white gold and it had ten little diamond incrusted in it.

"I can't believe you right now," Akaashi took the other box and opened it as well, the exact same bracelet was in it. "You not only bought one, but two!"

"That way we are matching, _duh_ ," Sakusa smiled and kissed his boyfriend's lips. "Now, stop killing me with those pretty eyes of yours and let me put the damn thing on your wrist."

Akaashi reluctantly extended his left arm for Sakusa to get a hold of his wrist. Sakusa put on the bracelet and screwed it tightly. Next, Akaashi did the same to him with the other bracelet but on Sakusa's right wrist. He admired the pieces of jewelry for a minute. He _knew_ that model was the most expensive there was, and still Sakusa had the audacity of buying _two_ like it was nothing.

"Just so you know, Keiji, I'm going to hide the screwdrivers. There's no way you are taking that off."

"It's not like I was planning to."

Sakusa nodded and took the two boxes and bag from Akaashi, placing them on his nightstand. The raven-haired took advantage of his boyfriend's distraction and pushed him lightly so he ended up laying on the bed. Akaashi rapidly sat down on Sakusa's hip and the latter took hold of his waist. Akaashi couldn't help but spot the brand new white gold bracelet and chuckled.

"I hate you so much."

"I'm sure you do Keiji," Sakusa's smirk sent a chill down Akaashi's spine and cause him to grind against the other boy. A low groan came from him. "Is that how you want to show me your gratitude?"

Akaashi smiled and jumped a little. Another groan was heard, this time accompanied by a hiss and the grip on his waist tightening. "Unfortunately no, I still have to go see Tobio. He might burn down the whole campus if I don't show up."

"So you are just teasing me, huh?" Sakusa bit his lower lip and caressed Akaashi's waist and hips. "That's fine. I can go see you to your dorm later anyway."

Akaashi shook his head, "I think that's not possible, Omi."

"Damn Suna."

Akaashi laughed and placed a kiss on Sakusa's forehead. He lightly brushed the black curls away and giggled at Sakusa's growl. The boy underneath him was getting impatient, but he couldn't just ditch his little cousin after the fit of jealousy from earlier. Kageyama was going to singlehandedly murder all of his boyfriends somehow, and Akaashi was sure he was going to be able to cover the whole thing up. Like Miwa said earlier, Kageyama was strangely _too_ smart when it came to Keiji.

"I'll make it up to you, I promise," the raven-haired pulled away and stood up from his former position, leaving Sakusa on the bed with a scowl on his face. "I really liked the present, Kiyoomi, even though I want to kill you for it. Thank you," Akaashi bent down a little just to kiss Sakusa on the lips, but the latter took hold of the back of his neck and made the kiss deeper, hotter. It was a battle of tongues at first, but then it became more than that. Akaashi somehow ended up on top of Sakusa again. He pulled away panting, a string of saliva still connecting their mouths. "I think Tobio will have to wait, I want to make it up to you now."

Sakusa smirked and pulled Akaashi for another kiss.

* * *

**we are all single, but akaashi**

_Bokuto-san, Konoha-san, My Onigiri Chef, MY Kozume, Komori_

**Konoha-san**

well

akaashi officially died

he's been gone for four hours now

**Komori**

I know

I'm too scared to go to my dorm though

I have no idea what might be happening in there ;-;

**Bokuto-san**

OH MY GOD

is kaashi doing what i think he's doing with omi-omi?

**My Onigiri Chef**

Probably

HAHHSAJKHADJH

I told Tsumu and he's sulking

He said something about Akaashi cutting him off because he had to see Sakusa

**Konoha-an**

HAHAHAHA

poor guy

akaashi is doing what he wanted to with the other boyfriend

must suck

**Komori**

I want to go back to my dorm ;-;

**You**

Hello.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Look who's back

**Konoha-san**

four hours later huh

**You**

Why are you unmuted?

**Bokuto-san**

WE WERE BORED AND YOU WERE NOT HERE

**You**

:)

**Komori**

Akaashi, my dear friend

Can I go back to my dorm now?

Is it safe to go in there?

**Konoha-san**

akaashi tell us what you were doing for four hours inside of sakusa's and komori's dorm

**You**

It is safe, Komori.

I just got out.

I have to go see Tobio...

**Komori**

Thank god

**My Onigiri Chef**

Answer Konoha though

I'm curious even though I know the answer

**You**

For fuck's sake.

We were f u c k i n g.

Know the meaning of that word?

**Bokuto-san**

kuroo is crying rn

**My Onigiri Chef**

Tsumu is too

**Konoha-san**

i'm crying too, but of laughter

**You**

...

WHY ARE YOU SNITCHING ON ME.

NOW I'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEM BEING UTTERLY HORNY.

THEY'LL SAY SOMETHING ABOUT EQUAL TREATMENT.

I SWEAR TO GOD.

**Komori**

Stay safe Akaashi.

I think you are going to be attacked at any moment

_(Komori is offline)_

**You**

THEY ALREADY SAID IT IN THE GROUP CHAT.

SUNA IS STILL IN MY DORM.

JKJHWIDHIAHCAFOPUF

IF I CAN'T FUCKING MOVE TOMORROW IS ALL ON YOU.

SNITCHES.

**Konoha-san**

how are u moving now tho?

you spent four hours doing sinful things

**You**

Is that important...?

**My Onigiri Chef**

Actually yes

I seriously doubt Sakusa is lacking so something's fishy

_(Bokuto-san sent an attachment)_

**You**

...

**Konoha-san**

DUDE HAHAHAHA

SAKUSA IS GIVING YOU A PIGGYBACK RIDE???

THAT'S AMAZING HAHAHAH

**My Onigiri Chef**

AKAASHI LOOKS SO EXHAUSTED HAHHA

I GUESS I WAS RIGHT

SAKUSA IS NOT LACKING IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM

**Bokuto-san**

I FUCKING RAN AWAY

SAKUSA SENT ME THE WORST OF STARES

I THINK HE KILLED ME INSIDE OF HIS HEAD

**You**

Bokuto-san.

How did you found us anyway?

Weren't you on your dorm with Tetsurou?

**Bokuto-san**

i mean yes

but i went out to look for my backpack

i can't find it

seeing you guys was just a coincidence

**Konoha-san**

best coincidence ever

i can't get over the fact akaashi looks d e s t r o y e d

**My Onigiri Chef**

That's because he is HAHAHAHA

**You**

Go die.

**Konoha-san**

we love you akaashi

**Bokuto-san**

I DO THE MOST THO

**You**

I know, Bokuto-san.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Akaashi is so done lol

Btw

What did Sakusa gave you?

_(You sent an attachment)_

**You**

That.

**Konoha-san**

give him to me

i want sakusa as my boyfriend now

HOW WHEN WHY BECAUSE THE FUCK

**You**

Fuck off Konoha-san.

Kiyoomi is mine.

**My Onigiri Chef**

THAT'S HELLA EXPENSIVE

AND THERE'S TWO

TWOOOOOO

**Bokuto-san**

awww you guys are holding hands in the pic

it looks weird tho, sakusa is still giving you the piggyback ride

but you all should've seen sakusa scowling bc he had no intentions to take that pic

**My Onigiri Chef**

Bokuto dude...

You are just asking for it right now...

**You**

Bokuto-san.

If you keep spying on us I will send Kiyoomi your way.

You don't want that, trust me.

**Konoha-san**

bokuto get out of there

but all jokes aside

the bracelets look so cute on you guys

sakusa sure knows about gifts

if kenma was here he would've been complimenting him

**My Onigiri Chef**

True that

**You**

Thanks.

Now I'm leaving, we just arrived to Tobio's dorm.

**Bokuto-san**

wait

who's gonna give you a ride back?

kageyama?

**You**

I'll call Rin, he's staying in my dorm anyway.

**Konoha-san**

oh to be akaashi

he has rich boyfriends and best friends

his boyfriends are sex beasts

he's the prettiest boy in campus

his grades are awesome

KITA LIKES HIM

THAT'S LITERALLY THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN TO SOMEONE

**My Onigiri Chef**

OH SHIT

THAT'S SO TRUE

**You**

Watch me date him next.

He's my literal obsession.

I love him so much

Oh shit ugugf.

KIYOOMI SAW GAUFFLFIQ;AK.

HIEHWNL;AA

KPPWIJWDWOFIW

HELPNALIJFHF

**Bokuto-san**

oh well

too bad so sad

i already ran away, can't help u now kaashi

**Konoha-san**

HAHAHAHAHAH

oh well

rest in peace akaashi

**My Onigiri Chef**

What a good day to be alive

This has been fun

A day full of surprises and expensive gifts

Tomorrow's all going to be about Kita-san

I can't wait

**Konoha-san**

until tomorrow dear friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, i'm so sorry if sakusa is ooc. i wanted it to be soft and fluffy, okay? :(


	4. a (new) member

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone new joins akaashi's little harem. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry. i strongly believe in kita supremacy and now everyone else in this story does too.

**we are all single, but akaashi**

_Bokuto-san, Konoha-san, My Onigiri Chef, MY Kozume, Komori_

**You**

I want to die.

**Konoha-san**

is that so?

**MY Kozume**

don't be so dramatic akaashi.

it wasn't that embarrassing.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Actually it was

The teacher was judging you so bad

**Komori**

He was

It was quite hard to see

**Bokuto-san**

HEY HEY HEY

WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT

**You**

We are talking about how I had to go to all my classes limping. :)

**Konoha-san**

HAHAHAHAHAHA

WHY THO

WAS SAKUSA THAT HARD?

**You**

It wasn't just Kiyoomi.

**MY Kozume**

oh.

**Komori**

Be grateful you can actually walk

**Bokuto-san**

who was the other?

**My Onigiri Chef**

Pretty sure it was Suna

**You**

Bingo.

And it was all because of YOUR snitching.

I saw it coming from a mile away.

**Konoha-san**

okay but suna can't be that much

have you seen him?

he's the embodiment of laziness

**MY Kozume**

you are wrong

lazy people are the worst

we store all our energy, and then when it's time we release it all

**Komori**

...

Can you please tell me how you are standing, Akaashi?

**You**

That's a mystery for me too.

And Kozume is right, as usual.

Suna is um, special.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Yeah, he is

**Bokuto-san**

how would you know...?

**Konoha-san**

someone's in trouble~

**MY Kozume**

:)

**Komori**

Nice.

**You**

Guys, chill.

Osamu and Suna lost their v-card together in high school.

Something about them being best friends and only trusting each other.

**Bokuto-san**

OH

SO LIKE YOU AND ME KAASHI

**Konoha-san**

wait a damn minute

**MY Kozume**

oh wow.

i'm actually surprised he kept it a secret all of these years.

**Komori**

WHAT DO YOU MEAN

AKAASHI WHAT

**My Onigiri Chef**

TSUMU IS DEPRESSED

HAHAHAHHAHA

AND WHAT THE FUCK

HOW

**You**

...

OSAMU STOP SNITCHING FFS.

NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE A REAL PROBLEM.

And Bokuto-san.

My dear senpai.

I thought we agreed not to mention it to other people.

**Bokuto-san**

but kaashi :(

we had a real connection :(

it wasn't just a one time thing :(

that's why i'm still ur bf even tho i'm not

deal with it <3

**Komori**

Oh wow

_(My Onigiri Chef took a screenshot)_

**You**

Miya Osamu.

Be fucking careful what you do with that.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Yes, sir.

**Konoha-san**

care to explain tho?

i've known both of you since high school and i never heard of this

**MY Kozume**

that's bc you are a dumb bitch.

**You**

For the record we were young and in love.

**Bokuto-san**

we were <3

now we are still young and more in love, right kaashi?

**You**

Yes, Bokuto-san.

Moving on.

**Komori**

Yes, let's move one

**My Onigiri Chef**

We have a scheduled topic for the day

Are you all comfortable in your dorms?

**You**

Yes, I just came back from Tooru's and Hajime's.

Suna is not here hehe.

**MY Kozume**

where is he?

**Konoha-san**

oh dear

if he's with his roommate then shit is going down

**Bokuto-san**

who's his roommate?

**You**

Fuck.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Kita-san.

Kita-san is Suna's roommate

...

**You**

Are we going to do like that's not a thing?

**MY Kozume**

yes.

**Komori**

Yes

**Konoha-san**

yes

**My Onigiri Chef**

Yes

**Bokuto-san**

yes

**You**

Good.

So now let's officially start our Kita-san Committee.

We'll start of saying one thing we love about him at a time.

**MY Kozume**

i'll start.

one day instead of telling me to go to sleep like everyone else in this world he told me i could go to sleep at whatever time i wanted because i'm a grownup but that i should keep in mind sleeping is important.

that day i went to sleep at 9 pm. :)

**Komori**

That's beautiful.

One thing I love about him is that he gets along with Kiyoomi because they are both clean freaks. <3

**Konoha-san**

i love his smirk

it's so hot

**Bokuto-san**

i loooove his hair

i mean, we literally share the same color style

only backwards tho

**My Onigiri Chef**

I love how straightforward he is

**You**

I love his last name.

Perfect for me.

Kita Keiji. <3

**Konoha-san**

it sounds kind of weird

akaashi shinsuke sounds better if you ask me.

**Komori**

Yeah, it does.

**You**

:)

Guys.

Even his name is perfect.

What the fuck.

**MY Kozume**

shinsuke.

wow it is.

it sounds so royalty like.

**Bokuto-san**

OMG IT DOES

HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SO KSHIFHAF

**My Onigiri Chef**

It's a mystery

Have you seen the rare moments when he is frustrated?

He looks so hot I think it's illegal

**Konoha-san**

dude

don't put images in my head

**You**

He once stuttered in front of me.

How many of you can say that happened to you?

He's the cutest when he is flustered.

**MY Kozume**

don't brag in front of the poor.

we all are starved for kita's attention.

and apparently your pretty ass is the only one with it.

**Konoha-san**

lucky bitch

**Komori**

Akaashi take the opportunity

I'm sorry but if I had to choose between 7 boyfriends and Kita I would still choose him alone

**My Onigiri Chef**

^

**You**

...

Let's not get into that, okay?

That's a decision I do not want to make.

**Bokuto-san**

HAHHA

i think the committee is done

you have to go talk to ur bfs

**You**

Yeah. ;-;

**Komori**

STRENGTH AKAASHI

**MY Kozume**

if they do not accept it leave all of them.

even shouyou... </3

kita is worth the sacrifice.

**Konoha-san**

well damn

you know is real when kenma looks past hinata's happiness

**My Onigiri Chef**

Good luck Akaashi

Please God let him have Kita

We need that relationship in our lives

It would be a blessing

**Bokuto-san**

GO KAASHI

* * *

**best boyfriends ever**

_Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3, Tooru-san <3, Iwa-san <3, Omi <3, TsumTsum <3, Rin <3, Sho-chan<3_

**You**

Okay I have something very important to say.

But first.

_@Rin <3_

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

If it's a prank again I'm going to cry

ALSO

WE HAVE TO TALK AKAASHI KEIJI

WHAT'S THAT ABOUT YOU LOSING YOUR V-CARD WITH BOKUTO

**You**

That snitch.

The Miya Twins are no more, Osamu is dead to me.

**TsumTsum <3**

HAHAH FINALLY

but i'm in pain

i feel so betrayed

first you denied me sex yesterday but still had it with omi-omi

oh and with sunarin too apparently

and now i find out bokkun out of all people...

</3

**Sho-chan <3**

it's okay, atsumu-san

not everyone gets the blessing of seeing akaashi-san naked

you know?

**Tooru-san <3**

Oh well, Chibi-chan's bold lately

**Iwa-san <3**

Yeah, don't know how to feel about that

**You**

Whatever.

SUNA RINTAROU FFS.

**Rin <3**

i said i'm sorry jeez

i didn't mean to cause a limping mess out of you

but it's not all my fault

sakusa is guilty too

**Omi <3**

But you made it worse.

**TsumTsum <3**

these lucky pigs :'(

**You**

That's not what I wanted to ask you, Rin.

Just saying.

**Rin <3**

oh

you want me back in ur dorm? ;)

omw

**You**

NO.

STAY WHERE YOU ARE.

DO NOT COME.

**Tooru-san <3**

I think Keiji-chan has PTSD.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

If I was him I would too

According to Bo, he spent four hours in Sakusa's dorm

And according to Kenma, he had Suna in his dorm for the whole night

**Sho-chan <3**

that's um, painful

**Iwa-san <3**

Indeed

**Omi <3**

Are you all jealous of the worthy?

**Rin <3**

haha they sure are

**TsumTsum <3**

OF COURSE WE ARE

**You**

Shut it.

How I was saying.

Rin, is Kita-san with you or not?

**Rin <3**

he is

why?

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

I can feel where this is going

And i do not like it

**Tooru-san <3**

Same

**You**

Oh well.

Then please abstain yourself from telling him whatever I have to say right now.

**Rin <3**

:)

fine

but i don't like where this is going

**Iwa-san <3**

No one does

**Sho-chan <3**

why can't kita-san know?

**You**

Sho-chan, you'll understand soon enough.

Now, keep your asses quiet for a minute.

Thank you.

I like Kita-san.

And I think I want him to be part of this community we have here.

Like for real.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Not again

I remembered when we were like two in here

Now we are seven and one more is joining?

I can't deal with this

**Tooru-san <3**

Ah yes

Those were good times

Things started to go sideways when Atsumu joined

**TsumTsum <3**

excuse me

i made this better

**Rin <3**

no <3

**Iwa-san <3**

Wasn't Sakusa the last one to join?

**Sho-chan <3**

YEAH

omi-san always denied everything that had to do with akaashi-san

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Now look at him

He even bought one of the most expensive thing he could've buy for Keiji

He's so devoted

**Omi <3**

Fuck off.

**You**

Guys.

I'm doing an effort here.

Kenma and Konoha-san told me not to say shit to you and just go with it.

But Komori advised me otherwise.

So, what do we think about it?

**Tooru-san <3**

This truly hurts to say, but we can't compete </3

**TsumTsum <3**

oikawa's right

kita-san is too perfect

he has no gaps

**Iwa-san <3**

It's impossible to win against him

**Sho-chan <3**

oh well suna-san, i guess your time as the favorite has come to an end

oops

**Rin <3**

i think the fuck not you trick ass bitch

**You**

Rin just come over for fuck's sake.

I can see you staring at Kita-san right now.

It's not a pretty image.

**Rin <3**

bye losers

keep wishing you were me

especially you you salty orange thing

see you when i get to keiji's dorm

something none of you will do because guess what hoes?

I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS THE NEW CODE

_(Rin <3 is offline)_

**Omi <3**

Ha, how naïve.

I can torture Komori until he tells me.

Or Keiji would be nice enough to do so, right?

**You**

Only if you promise not to buy any more expensive stuff.

**Omi <3**

...

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

The dilemma of the rich HAHAHHA

**Tooru-san <3**

I wish I were Sakusa...

**Iwa-san <3**

Shut up Shittykawa

**TsumTsum <3**

um guys

we are ignoring the problem here

KITA-SAN AS OF MR. PERFECT IS IN THE EQUATION

THAT MEANS GAME OVER FOR US GENIUSES 

HE IS TOO POWERFUL

**Sho-chan <3**

what if kita-san rejects akaashi-san?

**You**

...

That's just...

Why Shouyou? Why?

**Sho-chan <3**

sorry akaashi-san!!!

**Omi <3**

No one in their right mind would reject Keiji.

Besides, we've all seen how Kita looks at him.

It was just a matter of time.

We've been preparing for this moment for a while now.

**Iwa-san <3**

That's right

We can win if we get together

**You**

Quick question.

What does "win" mean in this situation?

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

It means you stay with us and not leave all of us for Kita

He obviously is going to be part of this, we can't fight that

But we can try for him not to pathetically overpower us

**You**

Pfft.

That's funny.

It's too late for that shit.

**TsumTsum <3**

...

wdym keiji-kun?

**Omi <3**

He doesn't mean that

**You**

no

he doesn't

i have him pin down on his bed and took his phone

he can't confess to kita-san if he can't talk to him

**Sho-chan <3**

suna-san is a genius

**Tooru-san <3**

I just love how we all know is Sunarin

**TsumTsum <3**

GOOD JOB RIN-KUN

KEEP IT UP

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

You see?

If we work together we can overcome this period of crisis

**Iwa-san <3**

Yes, I'm proud

**You**

fuck fuck fuck

WE ARE TOO LATE

keiji already texted kita-san

they are seeing each other in oihoifhvsklhfgig.

kjhahydosyfjf

foifyysyocl

**Omi <3**

...

**TsumTsum <3**

...

keiji-kun killed him

**Sho-chan <3**

rest in peace suna-san

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

One less ;-;

**Iwa-san <3**

He will be missed

**Tooru-san <3**

Bitch what?

Sunarin missed?

No <3

**You**

That's very rude.

But he's not dead.

Just tamed.

**TsumTsum <3**

not going to ask

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Yeah, no

**Sho-chan <3**

are you going to meet kita-san?

**You**

Yes.

If things go right then you'll have another friend.

Hopefully the last.

I still don't know what the fuck my sophomore year turned into.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

It all started with me ;)

**Tooru-san <3**

Then me

**Iwa-san <3**

Me

**Sho-chan <3**

me ^^

**TsumTsum <3**

me

**You**

Rin. :)

**Omi <3**

And finally me.

**Tooru-san <3**

Now it's Kita's turn

* * *

**we are all single, but akaashi**

_Bokuto-san, Konoha-san, My Onigiri Chef, MY Kozume, Komori_

**You**

The first part of the mission is done.

Now to the second.

**My Onigiri Chef**

I can see Tsumu sulking

But other than that, how'd it go?

**Bokuto-san**

yeah kuroo is acting weird

**MY Kozume**

shouyou is excited.

**Komori**

Kiyoomi is being Kiyoomi

There's nothing more to it

**Konoha-san**

nice

i would be crying honestly

no one can compete with kita

**You**

I had to tell Suna to come to my dorm.

He was dangerously glaring at Kita-san.

And when he was here he tried to stop me.

Too bad so sad it didn't work.

**My Onigiri Chef**

HAHAHHA

Poor Sunarin

At least he tried

**Konoha-san**

and for nothing

**MY Kozume**

moving on

what is the second part of the mission?

**You**

Meeting up with Kita-san

**Bokuto-san**

OH GOD

LET THE OWL GODS BE WITH YOU KAASHI

**Komori**

Sop being so dramatic

Kita-san likes Akaashi

**Konoha-san**

yeah but that doesn't mean he wants to share him with seven other boys

**My Onigiri Chef**

Kita-san is not like that

I'm pretty sure he'll accept just to show he's the best at making Akaashi crazy for him

And he'll succeed

**You**

He'll succeed.

**MY Kozume**

he'll succeed.

**Bokuto-san**

he'll succeed

**Komori**

He'll succeed

**Konoha-san**

he'll succeed

**You**

But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

He still needs to say yes.

Now, I'm concerned about one little thing.

**My Onigiri Chef**

What is it?

**You**

I don't know if I'm going to be able to restrain myself from kissing him if he does accept.

**Konoha-san**

who would?

it's impossible

**MY Kozume**

no one expects you to do so.

like konoha said, it's not possible.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Akaashi, you poor thing

You know nothing

Despite everything, Kita-san is pretty bold

So if everything goes ok I think he'll be the one kissing you

And that would be very hot to watch

**Komori**

Indeed

**Bokuto-san**

CAN WE ACCOMPANY YOU KAASHI

I WANT TO SEE THE MAKE OUT SESSION LIVE

THAT WAY WE CAN RECORD IT AND TORMENT THE OTHERS WITH IT

**Konoha-san**

DUDE YES

**My Onigiri Chef**

I approve

**MY Kozume**

^

i'm playing rn but i can pause it if that means seeing akaashi and kita making out.

**Komori**

Guys...

**You**

...

I mean.

If he says no then you can all appear and say sike.

So then I wouldn't be so embarrassed.

But then again, you all recording isn't very appealing either.

**Konoha-san**

it is what it is

**My Onigiri Chef**

Some sacrifices must be made

**Bokuto-san**

COME ON KAASHI

I'LL BE THE ONE RECORDING

**You**

Fine.

As long as you keep your mouth shut.

**Komori**

Hell yeah

Where are we meeting?

**You**

You know that bench right in front of the entrance to the join dorms?

Well, there

**MY Kozume**

how are we supposed to hide there?

behind the bushes?

**Konoha-san**

i know you are being sarcastic but that's actually the only option

or behind the pillars

but recording there is horrible

**My Onigiri Chef**

I don't know if you know this but recording behind the bushes is equally as bad

**Komori**

What about just disguising?

If he thinks we are just random students he won't know the purpose of us being there

**Bokuto-san**

that's so smart komori

but how exactly are we disguising?

**MY Kozume**

just look homeless and that's it

bokuto needs to put a cap on tho

his hair is too extravagant

**My Onigiri Chef**

Everyone's hair is extravagant here 

But mine

**Komori**

You are so lucky you stopped dyeing it

And I'm sure mine's not special

It's just brown

**You**

Guys.

Just cover your hair, eyes and don't be obvious or noisy.

**Bokuto-san**

FINEEEE

* * *

**private messages with _Kita-san <3_**

Kita-san.

I'm almost there.

Keiji, I told you to call me Shinsuke.

But yes, I'm almost there too.

Sorry.

It's just, I'm used to honorifics.

I know, me too.

But I guess we are already past that.

Am I wrong?

No, you're not.

We are past honorifics, Shinsuke.

Good. :)

* * *

"I still don't understand why you are following me," Akaashi blinked. _Once, twice._ Not only were his five best friends tagging along, but also his boyfriend, Suna. "You all look ridiculous, especially you Rin."

They all looked at each other. Akaashi was right. They all had caps and sunglasses on, even if it was already evening. Their clothes weren't much better, some looked homeless while others looked right outside of a fashion contest. It was rather shocking.

"Well, I already said I was recording so me following you was the only right option." Bokuto smiled and shove his phone in front of Akaashi's face, almost trying to make a point.

"I couldn't just wait in your dorm like yesterday, I was so bored not even sleeping made it better."

"He doesn't know what we are expecting, does he?" Konoha laughed and patted Suna's shoulder.

Akaashi shook his head and continued walking. If Kita noticed the insane-looking boys, Akaashi knew he was just going to disappear into thin air right there. He didn't trust his friends with this, most of them couldn't keep quiet even in serious moments. He just knew Bokuto was going to do something stupid, or Konoha was going to annoy Kenma and they were going to start fighting. Nothing turned out how it was supposed to when it came to their friend group.

"Listen to me, if you do something I swear I'm going to kill you all."

They nodded, some more excited than others.

"Oh God, there he is. Look at him, he's straight-up out of a Disney movie." Komori pointed at someone sitting down on the famous bench.

Kita Shinsuke sat there. He was perfect, everything from his light gray hair with black tips, or his beautiful dull yellow eyes caught everyone's attention. It didn't matter if they were girls, boys or aliens, the whole campus had a crush on this man. He had a serene look on his face, but when he spotted Akaashi a friendly smile curled his lips upwards. For Akaashi, suddenly those dull yellow eyes were brighter than the diamonds of his new bracelet.

His friends and boyfriend were kind of hidden but not really. Akaashi hoped Kita ignored them. Osamu signaled Akaashi to go talk to the older boy and Akaashi slap his hand away. Fortunately for him, Kita didn't seem to see Osamu's hand.

"Keiji, hi." Kita gave him a nod and sat down on the bench again, Akaashi doing the same. "Did ya just slapped air right now?"

Akaashi chuckled and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "Oh no, it was just a fly."

"Did he just called me a fly?" Osamu whispered to the others. Bokuto, who was recording the interaction, laughed at this.

"Shut up Miya. I can't listen to what they're saying."

"Kenma, you are really invested in this." Komori giggled.

"Shut it."

Akaashi wanted to cry right there. His friends were not being as quiet as they thought and he could catch a couple of things of what they were saying. He was grateful Kita was not paying attention to the freaky-looking group, but instead paying attention to him. He felt his cheeks flush when Kita slowly removed a leaf that found its way to his black, messy hair. Akaashi could feel the delicacy in Kita's slender fingers.

"S-Shinsuke."

"Yes, Keiji?"

Akaashi took a deep breath and closed his eyes trying to calm down the pink blush on his cheeks. It was impossible not to feel nervous in front of someone as beautiful and kind as Kita Shinsuke. A soft chuckle came from the older man and Keiji opened his eyes. He found himself closer to Kita's face, or was it the other way around? He didn't know. Akaashi could only focus on the little details of Kita's face. Things like his eyelashes being dark gray instead of black or how beautifully plucked his thin, black eyebrows were.

"I like you." Akaashi whispered, it was too low for his taste but Kita still heard it.

"I know," Kita's smile turned soft. "Yer not as discreet as ya think."

Akaashi's eyes widened and a chuckle escaped his lips. "Really?"

Kita hummed. "I also know yer have a bunch of boyfriends. And I find myself wantin' to be one as well."

Akaashi heard a screech coming from his friend group, he could only guess it was Bokuto or Komori but he couldn't care less. He was there, almost _too_ close to Kita and the older just confessed to him. It was a rather odd way of confessing, but Akaashi still accepted it. He was going to accept everything Kita gave him because he wanted it. His green-blue eyes couldn't help but travel from Kita's to his lips. Maybe Kita was right, he wasn't as discreet as he thought. Kita smirked, not mocking or superior, but fond. He mouthed some words, taking advantage of Keiji's persistent stare on his lips.

_'Do you want to be my boyfriend?'_

"You said I was not as discreet as I thought, you should know the answer to that."

Kita laughed. It made Akaashi's heart make a backflip inside of his chest. "Well, I needed to make sure."

Akaashi smiled too and found himself getting closer and closer, but Kita was the one to break all space between them. Their lips crashed together in a delicate, soft motion. It was so slow, but Akaashi could feel the heat travel to his cheeks and the back of his neck. Kita traced the shape of Keiji's lower lip with his tongue and Akaashi let a low moan escape his throat. He could feel Kita smiling in between the kiss, but he didn't care. His hands found their way to the back of Kita's neck while the latter already placed his on his waist. They fit together perfectly, it was almost too good.

"Cut the cameras," Akaashi heard Suna screaming, but his head was full of Kita and how good he was at kissing. "Deadass."

"Grab that bitch! Don't let him interrupt!" this time it was Osamu. "Bokuto keep recordin'. I'll stop Sunarin."

"You ass! You bit me. What the fuck?!"

"Leave me alone, I'm dragging Keiji back to his dorm!"

"You ain't dragging my Akaashi nowhere."

Akaashi reluctantly pulled away from Kita and looked to his side. He found his friends struggling and Bokuto still recording them. Kita blinked a couple of times, he was utterly confused.

"Are those—"

"I told them to keep quiet, I hate them so much."

Kita looked at him. "Oh so ya knew?"

"I had to have a plan b if you rejected me," Kita raised an eyebrow, indicating Akaashi to go on. "We were all going to act like it was a dare or something. It was going to be awkward but not embarrassing."

Kita laugh in disbelief and pulled Akaashi for another kiss.

Akaashi raised his middle finger to his friends as he knew they were watching and smiled at the gasps he received. He forgot about them quickly though, Kita's lips were so intoxicating he felt in cloud 9. He was so sweet. The feeling of having his tongue inside of his mouth and those expert hands caress his waist made his head spin around and around. He was slowly becoming addicted to Kita's kisses.

"Keiji," Kita breathed out when they pulled away. "Can I spend the night in yer dorm?"

Akaashi bit his lower lip. "You'll have to talk with Rin though. He's supposed to stay with me."

"Oh, that's fine. He's my high school junior, he'll listen to me."

* * *

**best boyfriends ever**

_Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3, Tooru-san <3, Iwa-san <3, Omi <3, TsumTsum <3, Rin <3, Sho-chan<3_

_(Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3 sent an attachment)_

**Tooru-san <3**

Oh. My. God

ARE THOSE KEIJI AND KITA???

**TsumTsum <3**

i swear i'm not crying

**Sho-chan <3**

i mean

it's hot

**Omi <3**

...

When did this happen? Now?

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

I guess

Bo sent it to me

**Iwa-san <3**

LISTEN TO SUNA

HE SAID "CUT THE CAMERAS, DEADASS"

**Tooru-san <3**

HAHAHAHAHA

THEY WERE FIGHTING AT THE END

SUNARIN WAS BITING PEOPLE

_(Rin <3 is online)_

**Rin <3**

let's not fucking talk about it

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Bro what happened there?

**TsumTsum <3**

yeah :')

**Rin <3**

we have competition my dudes

kita-san joined the party officially

AND I WAS SOMEHOW FORCED TO SLEEP IN MY OWN DORM BY HIM

HE'S ALONE WITH KEIJI

**Sho-chan <3**

i told you suna-san

kita-san is the new favorite

**Omi <3**

Hinata, shush.

It's just because it's his first night with Keiji.

He can't be the favorite so soon.

**You**

Rin.

Get over it already.

You'll come back tomorrow again.

I think.

**Iwa-san <3**

Keijiiiii

**You**

Yes, Hajime? <3

**Iwa-san <3**

Are you adding our new partner?

**TsumTsum <3**

THAT THAT

**You**

Uh yes.

Wait.

_(You added @Kita-san <3 to the group)_

**You**

He's showering though.

So he's not going to answer now.

**Tooru-san <3**

S H O W E R I N G???

ARE YOU TWO GOING TO...???

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

THAT'S GOING TO BE REAL UNFAIR

**TsumTsum**

WDYM???

HE LITERALLY TOLD ME HE COULDN'T DO IT WITH ME BECAUSE HE HAD TO VISIT OMI-OMI

YA KNOW HOW HURT I WAS?

**Omi <3**

Haha.

I can't really complain.

**Rin <3**

yeah, me neither

**Iwa-san <3**

Me neither

**Tooru-san <3**

IWA-CHAN WHAT?

WHEN?

I WAS WITH YOU TWO THE WHOLE TIME

**You**

That's not important.

**Sho-chan <3**

i can't complain either

my time is on friday

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

THAT'S NOT THE POINT THOUGH

HOW IS KITA GOING TO GET IT IN LIKE LITERALLY THE FIRST DAY?

THAT'S BEYOND COMPREHENSION

**You**

Tetsurou.

We are just going to cuddle.

I think.

Right, Shinsuke?

**Kita-san <3**

Yes.

**Tooru-san <3**

SHINSUKE-

KJHFHIOA';

ARE WE IN FIRST NAME BASIS ALREADY???

**TsumTsum <3**

WE OFFICIALLY CAN'T COMPETE

WE LOST THE FUCKING BATTLE

KITA-SAN WHYYYYY

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

JKSHXFIS.LJIOJHKZJFJV

THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE

WE WERE DEFEATED BY THE NEW ONE THE SAME DAY

**Sho-chan <3**

i mean

the new one IS kita shinsuke-san

what did you expect?

**You**

^

**Omi <3**

What do you mean by "^"?

But I do agree with Hinata.

You dirty bugs can't compete with someone like Kita.

He's clean and has the best personality and manners ever.

Your asses could never.

**Kita-san <3**

Thank you Kiyoomi, Hinata.

This is intense though.

And Atsumu, language.

**TsumTsum <3**

yes mum.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

"mum"

**Tooru-san <3**

I'm going to cry myself to sleep.

Welcome to the Akaashi's Games, Shinsuke-chan.

Let the best simp win.

_(Tooru-san <3 is offline)_

**Iwa-san <3**

He really is crying

He's talking about dyeing his hair like Kita and buying yellow contact lenses

He wants to learn the dialect as well

Oh God

I'll go stop him from becoming a clone of Kita

Btw, welcome Kita. It's really nice to have a responsible one in here

_(Iwa-san <3 is offline)_

**Sho-chan <3**

oh

i have the best of ideas

only three of us have been akaashi's san favorites

by that i mean me, suna-san and now kita-san

so, can the three of us sleep with keiji tonight?

**Rin <3**

yes please

i feel depressed rn being alone in my dorm

**TsumTsum <3**

SHOUYOU-KUN

ya have to add me there

**Omi <3**

Um no.

You are very far from being a favorite.

I would really appreciate it if you Hinata added me to the equation.

Even if I wouldn't sleep with all of you because um, #germs.

I would sleep with Kita and Keiji though, they are both clean and pretty.

**Rin <3**

he just called me dirty and ugly in the same sentence

**Sho-chan <3**

</3

that hurt omi-san

**You**

No <3

I'm spending the night only with Shinsuke.

You bitches find your own perfect boy, he's taken.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

You do realize you are our perfect boy?

**Kita-san <3**

Tough.

**Omi <3**

I like him already.

**TsumTsum <3**

kita-san

please take pity of ur junior

**Rin <3**

^

**Kita-san <3**

No <3

And this is Keiji.

Good night loves.

I do love you all.

Don't sulk too much.

I'll see you all tomorrow.

* * *

**we are all single, but akaashi**

_Bokuto-san, Konoha-san, My Onigiri Chef, MY Kozume, Komori_

**My Onigiri Chef**

This was a success

**Konoha-san**

yes

those kisses were fire tho

**MY Kozume**

damn right.

**Komori**

They look so cute together

**You**

I know right.

I just came here to say good night.

And also you fucked up.

**Bokuto-san**

IT WAS ALL SUNA

HE STARTED BITING PEOPLE

**My Onigiri Chef**

He really looked like a fox

**Komori**

Yeah, he went feral

**MY Kozume**

whatever.

are you with kita rn?

**You**

Yes.

He's staying with me for the night.

Let me share with you all my new boyfriend.

_(You sent an attachment)_

_(Konoha-san saved an attachment)_

_(Bokuto-san_ _saved an attachment)_

 _(My Onigiri Chef_ _saved an attachment)_

 _(Komori_ _saved an attachment)_

 _(MY Kozume_ _saved an attachment)_

**Konoha-san**

LOOK AT HIM USING HIS PHONE WITH HIS HAIR A LITTLE MESSY AND WET

HOW IS HE THAT BEAUTIFUL

**Komori**

Someone please explain how he's that pretty

**My Onigiri Chef**

I already said it

It's a mystery

**Bokuto-san**

:')

**MY Kozume**

best man i've ever seen.

**You**

Well, good night my friends.

Someone is asking for my attention.

You wished you could cuddle and kiss with Kita Shinsuke.

**Konoha-san**

damn

he really called us out

but good night, akaashi

enjoy ur food

**Komori**

Right :')

Good night Akaashi

**MY Kozume**

gn akaashi.

please tell everything what went down tomorrow.

i want a full ass description.

**My Onigiri Chef**

^

And good night

**Bokuto-san**

GOOD NIGHT KAASHI

SLEEP WELL

i mean, of course you will

YOU ARE LITERALLY SLEEPING WITH KITA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do we think of our new member, kita shinsuke? also, i would really appreciate it if you guys told me what you want to see because even though i have endless ideas for upcoming updates i still want to write things you want to see and are curious about. <3


	5. the (holy) trinity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> akaashi loses his mind with one of the group chats he hates the most. <3

**the holy trinity + our baby**

_Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3, Bokuto-san, Tooru-san <3_

**Bokuto-san**

what are u guys doing???

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

The same thing you are doing, Bo

Taking classes

**Tooru-san <3**

Yeah, pretty much

**Bokuto-san**

im so boreeeed

the old man told me he wasn't going to even look at me because i was a lost cause

dunno what that means but sure

**Tooru-san <3**

LKJDIJD;A

I wished

The old man, or actually old lady, I have for a teacher is obsessed with me

She keeps asking me all the possible questions

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

BUAHAHAHHHA

You do have a pretty face Oikawa

Not as pretty as Keiji's though

**Tooru-san <3**

You're trying for him to answer you, right?

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Yes

Is it that obvious?

**Bokuto-san**

it is

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Whatever

So

There's this boy in my class

**You**

Who asked...?

**Tooru-san <3**

You just have to make him jealous

That's the only right way of getting Keiji-chan's attention

Oh and by other methods as well

But we are not getting into those

**You**

Or being Shinsuke, which none of you are.

So shut up and pay attention to your class.

It's the last one anyways.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Why do you hate me Keiji? :'(

I love you so much and this is how you treat me :(

**Bokuto-san**

kuroo bro :(

it's hard not being loved by kaashi

sucks to be u tbh

**Tooru-san <3**

HAHAHAHAHAH

BOKUTO

**You**

How dramatic.

I love you Tetsu-chan.

Ugh.

I hate saying that.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

KEIJI :')

YOU SAID IT EVEN IF YOU HATE IT FOR MY SAKE

YOU ARE SO PRECIOUS

**You**

Yeah, yeah.

**Bokuto-san**

kuroo that's just sad

look at this

kaaaaashi

**You**

Yes, Bokuto-san?

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

...

**Tooru-san <3**

HAHAHAH

**Bokuto-san**

i was thinking abt smth

i escaped my class and i'm outside yours rn

and there's smth different with me...

do you want to see my hair down like back in high school?

**You**

...

I just have to go outside?

**Bokuto-san**

yes ;)

**You**

Okay.

Don't move Bokuto-san, we are spending the day together.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

HOW-

YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SPEND THE DAY WITH ME

IT'S THURSDAY

**Tooru-san <3**

Bokuto stole Keiji from you with just saying his hair's down

Maybe you should try too

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Mine's not styled

It's my bedhead

To get rid of it I would need to take a shower

**Tooru-san <3**

Do that

_(Bokuto-san sent an attachment)_

**Tooru-san <3**

He does look good with his hair down

But why is Keiji red?

AND HE'S BITING HIS LIP

AYO AYO AYO

HE ONLY DOES THAT SHIT WHEN HE SEES SOMETHING THAT ATTRACTS HIM

**Bokuto-san**

i forgot to say smth

now that u guys know about the fact that kaashi and i were a thing in high school

there was only one way of getting him in the mood back then

it was by putting my hair down

by this i'm trying to say that one of u should get here soon

kaashi is going feral

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

FERAL YOU SAY

GET AWAY FROM HIM BO

WHERE ARE YOU???

**Tooru-san <3**

YEAH WHERE ARE YOU

I THINK HE THINKS YOU ARE SHINSUKE-CHAN

THAT'S THE ONLY POSSIBLE REASON FOR HIM TO LOSE HIS MIND AND GO FERAL

**Bokuto-san**

okay forget it

everything is fine

kita was passing by for some reason

he saw kaashi going feral and took him to the bathroom

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

...

**Tooru-san <3**

...

THAT'S WORSE

**Bokuto-san**

how?

kaashi is not going to jump me anymore

that's good, right?

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

I mean

Yes

But no at the same time

**Tooru-san <3**

By that he means Shinsuke-chan is going to fuck Keiji's brains out

Or the other way around...?

And we cannot let that happen

He's perfect but there's no way he's going to see Keiji-chan naked on the second day of their relationship

That's just embarrassing for the rest of us

Who btw had to wait at least a month

**Bokuto-san**

ohhh

i get it

but there's nothing to worry about

they're back

**You**

I am not that shameless, Tooru.

I don't think having sex in the bathroom is wise.

Just saying.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

KEEEEIJI

WHAT HAPPENED

**You**

Shinsuke um, helped me get out of my aroused state.

**Tooru-san <3**

That's cool and all

But how exactly did he do that?

**Bokuto-san**

wow

kita looks better up-close

he's whispering something to kaashi's ear and i can't stop staring

how can he be so beautiful

**Tooru-san <3**

Istg

I am going to do a sleepover with Shinsuke-chan to learn his secret

BUT MOVING ON

What is he whispering?

**Pain in he ass Kuroo-san <3**

I don't even know what's happening anymore

**Bokuto-san**

jxjsaojixaoisjxalsi

KITA IS KISSING KAASHI

LET ME TAKE A PIC

_(Bokuto-san sent an attachment)_

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

He's so hot

It's quite unfair for the rest of humanity

**Tooru-san <3**

I hate to agree

That kiss looks hot too

I want one of those as well

**Bokuto-san**

same bro

but not from kaashi, i respect you all

i want it from kita

**You**

Yeah, no.

Keep dreaming Bokuto-san.

There's no way in hell you are getting close to Shinsuke's lips.

Or him overall.

**Tooru-san <3**

He's so overprotective

I want that too

I've always said jealousy is a disease, but now I think I'm the one who needs to get well soon

WHY AND HOW IS KITA SO LUCKY

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

^

It hurts tbh

**You**

Stop being dramatic.

There's no need to be jealous.

**Bokuto-san**

wrong

if they could see how kita is holding your waist right now i think they would pass out

**You**

Don't.

Osamu is a bad influence for you, Bokuto-san.

You are getting his snitch vibes and I do not like it.

You have too much information in your hands.

**Tooru-san <3**

W h a t

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Keiji, baby

What do you mean?

Is there something you want to tell us?

**You**

No.

**Bokuto-san**

OMG

KITA SAID JAHFUAHFUAAKFAJFIIUF

LXXJIWUFJLAJDHL

JDIAJUEAPJNOQPAKSSSWWEEDVA

POEJNMXKLA

OWIROLLPP;

HELPPPPJNL

_(Bokuto-san is offline)_

**You**

How unfortunate.

Kuroo.

I'm sorry to inform you your roommate suffered a terrible accident.

I'm not sure what happened but Keiji told me to hold on to his phone for a bit.

He took Bokuto to, well, the stairs???

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

...

The stairs?

**Tooru-san <3**

FORGET BOKUTO

SHINSUKE-CHAN

TELL ME YOUR SECRET

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

But-

I'm concerned for Bo's well-being

**Tooru-san <3**

I'M NOT

SPILL IT SHINSUKE-CHAN

**You**

Secret?

What secret?

**Tooru-san <3**

DON'T ACT ALL INNOCENT WITH ME NOW

I KNOW THE DRILL

I'M KNOWN AS A PERFECT GUY TOO

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

You are not at the same level though

But is Bo okay?

**You**

I'm confused, but sure.

And no Kuroo, I heard him scream but I'm too worried for my own welfare to question Keiji.

**Tooru-san <3**

OH PLEASE

KEIJI-CHAN WOULDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT HURTING YOU

YOU HAVE THE SAME LUCK CHIBI-CHAN DOES

YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING WITHOUT ANY CONSEQUENCES

TELL ME HOOOOOOOOW

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Oikawa, please calm your flat ass down

Bokuto is in danger here

**Tooru-san <3**

AND DO YOU THINK I CARE? NO

SHINSUKE-CHAN PLEASE

**You**

Well.

I'm just me, you know?

I don't have a secret for people liking me.

I guess it's my strict daily routine that attracts people.

Dedication is important.

**Tooru-san <3**

...

Shinsuke-chan, we need to have a serious talk

Please come to my dorm as soon as you can

I have to explain to you how the world really works

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

HHAAHHA

Kita, run away as long as you can

You don't want to have that talk with Oikawa

**You**

I'm actually interested, so I'll go.

Oh, Keiji is back.

I can't see Bokuto though.

I hope he's okay.

Well, see you later guys. Take care and pay attention to your remaining class of the day.

Be sure to eat properly and clean after yourselves.

**Tooru-san <3**

Omg

That's his secret

He's naturally nice and caring

He GENUINELY cares for people

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Yeah, good luck with that

**Tooru-san <3**

Oh shut up Mr. I've Always Been This Nice

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Wtf?

It's true

I've always been nice

**Tooru-san <3**

Ujum, sure

I am nice too

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

If nice means bullying Kageyama and trash-talking Ushijima then yes

Oh also trying to voodoo your way into being Keiji's favorite by killing Suna and Chibi-chan

THAT is real nice

**Tooru-san <3**

I thought we agreed not to talk about it

It was a failure, it didn't work how I wanted it to

It's not worth mentioning

**You**

...

You what...?

**Tooru-san <3**

It's now what you think, Keiji-chan

I would NEVER do something as vile as that

My sweet heart wouldn't let me

**You**

Tooru, darling.

I hope you know I can see your messages.

You clearly said you tried to voodoo Rin and Sho-chan.

Apparently it didn't work.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Oops

**Tooru-san <3**

SEE WHAT YOU DID TETSU-CHAN

EVEN IWA-CHAN PROMISED NOT TO TELL KEIJI-CHAN

**You**

Oh.

So Hajime was part of it too?

**Tooru-san <3**

...

No

He walked in on me doing the ritual

He left as soon as he saw what I was doing

I mean...

Not that I was doing anything

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

You are contradicting yourself

**Tooru-san <3**

Shut up before I start telling Keiji-chan what YOU did

**You**

Please tell, Tooru.

I'll get you milk bread and an alien onesie if you do.

**Tooru-san <3**

...

Only if you buy a matching one as well...

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Oikawa no

You promised dude

**You**

:)

I'll get a matching one.

**Tooru-san <3**

I'm sorry, Tetsu-chan

_(Bokuto-san is online)_

**Bokuto-san**

DON'T

HE'LL KILL ME TOO

AGAIN

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Bo...?

BRO YOU GOOD

**Bokuto-san**

BRO

KAASHI THREATENED TO PUSH ME DOWN THE STAIRS

IT WAS THE MOST TERRIFYING MOMENT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE

THANK GOD HE HEARD KITA LAUGHING AND THAT TURNED HIM INTO A SOFT MESS

IF YOU WANT TO GET AWAY FROM KAASHI'S PSYCHO MODE JUST MAKE KITA LAUGH

HE GETS ALL CUTE AND SOFT AND PASSIVE

**You**

...

I thought we agreed on not telling anybody, Bokuto-san.

**Tooru-san <3**

I mean, I think it's not only you Keiji-chan

Shinsuke-chan's laugh is angelical

Almost as cute as mine or yours

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

I believe you think highly of yourself, Oikawa

Your laugh is just straight-up from hell

And when you try to sound cute it's worse

**You**

You shouldn't be talking, Tetsurou.

Your hyena laugh is pretty hellish as well.

**Tooru-san <3**

HAHAHAHHA

OH MY GOD

KEIJI-CHAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

PLEASE LET'S BULLY TOBIO-CHAN AND TRASH-TALK USHIWAKA TOGETHER

**Bokuto-san**

RIP KUROO BRO HAHAHAH

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

I'm really hurt here

**You**

I love you, Tetsurou.

Excuse yourself from your class by saying you don't feel well and go to your dorm.

I'll be waiting for you there.

I'm not going back to my class after all this.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

YES KEIJI

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

SEE YOU SOON <3

_(Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3 is offline)_

**Bokuto-san**

i'm so proud of my bro

he did it

he's finally going to get kaashi's love

**Tooru-san <3**

I want some too

**You**

Darling.

I was with you yesterday.

**Tooru-san <3**

Yeah but Iwa-chan was there

I want alone time too :(

Not that I mind having Iwa-chan around

**You**

Hmm.

I'll see what I can do.

If I'm feeling okay on Saturday we'll go on a date.

Is that okay?

**Tooru-san <3**

Keiji-chan :')

I'm super fine with that

But what do you mean by "If I'm feeling okay"?

**Bokuto-san**

yeah

that's sus

**You**

Well...

I have to visit Sho-chan tomorrow.

I think it's self-explanatory.

**Tooru-san <3**

Oh yeah...

I STILL DON'T GET IT THOUGH

HOW IS IT THAT CHIBI-CHAN TOPS YOU AND APPARENTLY DESTROYS YOUR WILL TO LIVE

I UNDERSTAND SAKUSA, I UNDERSTAND SUNA

BUT CHIBI-CHAN???

**Bokuto-san**

DO NOT DOUBT MY STUDENT

HE HAD THE BEST TEACHER

**You**

I'm still concerned about that.

What exactly did you taught him, Bokuto-san?

**Bokuto-san**

well everything

duh

**Tooru-san <3**

I think not

Everything he might've learned was probably in his short trip to Brazil

He was a total hit there

I saw everything

Girls even ignored me to get to him, it was quite embarrassing to be ignored like that

**You**

...

**Bokuto-san**

i love how easily kaashi gets jealous

it's so cute

**You**

You accidentally falling down the stairs is not going to be too cute, Bokuto-san.

I would take care of my words if I were you.

**Tooru-san <3**

"Accidentally"

**Bokuto-san**

:(

yes kaashi

i'm sorry

**You**

Good.

Now, where the fuck is Tetsurou?

I've been waiting for ten hours here.

**Tooru-san <3**

That sly bastard

I know what he's doing

And you are going to love it, Keiji-chan

**Bokuto-san**

I DON'T KNOW

**You**

I'm worried.

**Tooru-san <3**

Don't be

I'm telling you, it's a nice surprise

I think

**You**

Well, that's interesting.

I'm curious now.

WAIT...

Bokuto-san. :)

**Bokuto-san**

yes, kaashi?

**You**

Why. Is. Your. Vitamin. Bottle. Full.

**Bokuto-san**

because i've been taking another one...?

**You**

Really? Which one?

**Bokuto-san**

um...

**Tooru-san <3**

Just accept your fate

Keiji-chan is going to shove your vitamins down your throat

**You**

:)

**Bokuto-san**

I'M SORRY KAASHI

I PROMISE I'LL TAKE THEM

**You**

Good.

If you don't I'm going to take other measures.

You are not going to like them, Bokuto-san.

**Tooru-san <3**

Keiji-chan :(

Can you monitor my vitamins too?

**You**

You don't take vitamins, Tooru.

**Tooru-san <3**

I can start!

**You**

I'll monitor your milk bread consume instead.

It's getting unhealthy.

I'll take you to eat different things other than milk bread or ramen.

**Tooru-san <3**

The sacrifice must be done </3

This all means I get to spend more time with you

**You**

Yes.

When you say it like that it's cute.

**Tooru-san <3**

I know, right? ;)

**Bokuto-san**

stop flirting in front of the hungry

i don't have kita to flirt with atm

**You**

Bokuto-san.

I have new vitamins for you.

They're called poison, please take them.

**Tooru-san <3**

HAHADHADHAKH

KEIJI-CHAN

PLEASE GIVE THEM TO ME SO I CAN GIVE THEM TO TOBIO-CHAN AND USHIWAKA

**Bokuto-san**

i was kidding kaashi :(

**You**

No, Tooru.

You are not poisoning Ushijima-san or my cousin.

ESPECIALLY my cousin.

**Tooru-san <3**

:(

_(Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3 is online)_

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Hello bros and Keiji <3

I'm back from the dead

And I'm almost there, Keiji

I had to do something first

**You**

And what is that?

**Tooru-san <3**

PLEASE TELL ME IT IS WHAT I THINK IT IS

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

It is

**Bokuto-san**

KUROO

TELL ME

I WANT TO KNOW TOO

**You**

**^**

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

No <3

You'll see it in a minute Keiji

No need to be impatient

**Bokuto-san**

AND ME???

**Tooru-san <3**

You are not included

Sorry not sorry Kou-chan

**Bokuto-san**

now i'm kou-chan?

i thought you forgot about that nickname

**Tooru-san <3**

Never

**Bokuto-san**

bro :')

**Tooru-san <3**

Kou-chan :')

**Pain in the as Kuroo-san <3**

Should I remind you all how Oikawa was totally not worried about Bo's well-being when Keiji and him disappeared?

**Tooru-san <3**

TETSU-CHAN

Everyone needs to keep away from the evil Miya twin

That bitch is getting his snitch vibes attached to all of us

**You**

I agree.

Osamu's snitching is dangerous, and now that everyone is following his steps I think chaos is about to ruin our lives.

**Bokuto-san**

i'm totally going to ignore that

i know oikawa loves me

**Pain in he ass Kuroo-san <3**

Sure, he does

Deep down

**Tooru-san <3**

This is Oikawa slander

Just so you know

**You**

Whatever.

Tetsurou.

If I don't see your rooster head in five minutes I'm going to leave.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Rude

But I'm here ;)

**Tooru-san <3**

UHUUHUHUHHUH

GO GET THAT ASS TETSU-CHAN

I wished I could too :(

Please let me touch you on our date, Keiji-chan :(

**Bokuto-san**

HAHJSJAHHDA

that's sad

**You**

Let's see.

AND WHAT UWIHDUIGAJC.

ROOSTER HEAD IS NO MORE KJAHFKJA.

GUYS BYE.

TETSU-CHAN IS SO HOT OMG.

Ejem.

See you later.

**Tooru-san <3**

HAHAHAJJDA

Tetsu-chan broke him.

**Bokuto-san**

how tho

**Tooru-san <3**

His hair is down

**Bokuto-san**

BRO THAT'S THE HOTTEST VERSION OF KUROO

HE'S ALREADY HOT BUT WITH HIS HAIR DOWN HE'S A GOD

**Tooru-san <3**

Exactly

* * *

**we are all single, but akaashi**

_Bokuto-san, Konoha-san, My Onigiri Chef, MY Kozume, Komori_

**You**

Well.

I just had the hottest sex ever.

**Konoha-san**

what happened to hello?

how are you?

my name is...?

what happened to that?

**My Onigiri Chef**

Oh shut up

Please tell Akaashi

Was it Kita-san?

**Komori**

We all know it wasn't Kita

He wouldn't be texting us

**MY Kozume**

right.

so who was it?

**Bokuto-san**

I KNOW

kaashi's been gone for a while now

he was talking with oikawa, kuroo and me until he disappeared with kuroo bro

something about his hair being down and kaashi going crazy

**You**

Precisely.

Please look at this amazing (but rare) view of Tetsurou with his hair down.

_(You sent an attachment)_

**Konoha-san**

what. the. fuck.

WHY DOES HE LOOK HOT???

**MY Kozume**

ah yes.

kuroo with his hair down hits different.

not that it affects me, he's still as annoying as ever.

**My Onigiri Chef**

WELL EXCUSE ME

If I had someone as hot as him I wouldn't care about how annoying he is

**Komori**

Same

He needs to keep his hair like that forever

**You**

I agree.

It's so beautiful.

**Bokuto-san**

yes

but kaashi

you said it was your best sex ever

**You**

I mean, it was.

It was so hot.

_(My Onigiri Chef took a screenshot)_

**Komori**

There he goes

**You**

OSAMU I SWEAR TO GOD.

KUAHUFHAHFUHAG.

HOW THE FUCK DOES ATSUMU GETS DOES SCREENSHOTS THAT FAST.

HE ALREADY SENT THEM IN THE GROUP CHAT.

IF I WASN'T MESMERIZED BY TETSUROU'S HAIR AND AFTERCARE YOU WOULD BE DEAD OSAMU.

THANK THE FUCKING GODS.

**Konoha-san**

oh well

he went crazy

osamu look out

you might not wake up tomorrow

**My Onigiri Chef**

I do not regret it

**MY Kozume**

oh no.

shouyou is saying how akaashi is going to eat his words.

he said he's going to give him the best sex of his life.

**You**

Fuck my life.

Fuck you Miya.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Mwah

**Komori**

Well this has been interesting

Please abstain yourselves from killing each other

Tomorrow is going to be a wonderful day

I feel it

**Bokuto-san**

oh yes

i have an idea for tomorrow

let's say it's kind of a prank

**You**

No.

Not again.

No.

No.

No.

NO.

**Konoha-san**

yes

**Komori**

Yes

**My Onigiri Chef**

Yes

**MY Kozume**

yes.

**You**

Die.

**Bokuto-san**

;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry it took me so long to update, i promise i'll make it up with the next chapter. bokuto already hinted he wanted to do another prank so look out for that ;)


	6. another (stupid) prank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> akaashi is forced to wear rather nice pieces of clothing and show his boyfriends. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so this idea was suggested by [ProfessorPocky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProfessorPocky/pseuds/ProfessorPocky) so thank you so much for that!

**we all are single, but akaashi**

_Bokuto-san, Konoha-san, My Onigiri Chef, MY Kozume, Komori_

**Bokuto-san**

well hello my amazing friends

how are u all today?

i hope u're doing great ;)

**Komori**

He wants something

Or is about to suggest Akaashi's death

**My Onigiri Chef**

Yeah

Is one of the two

**You**

No.

**Konoha-san**

oh come on guys

have a little faith

**MY Kozume**

why would we?

he always has smth to endanger akaashi's life with.

**You**

^

**Bokuto-san**

oh please

i ALWAYS look after kaashi's security

**Konoha-san**

HAHAHAHA

I'M SORRY BUT I CANNOT DEFEND U ON THAT BOKUTO

**Komori**

Just say it Bokuto

You already mentioned you had a prank planned for today

You might as well say it already

**You**

I disagree.

Abstain yourself from saying it, Bokuto-san.

I'm not doing it.

**My Onigiri Chef**

You'll end up doing it

I have some juicy screenshots I haven't send

**MY Kozume**

...

_(You kicked @My Onigiri Chef out of the group)_

**You**

Oops.

**Konoha-san**

HAHHAHA OH GOD

_(Komori added @My Onigiri Chef to the group)_

**You**

Why did you added him back?

**My Onigiri Chef**

That was mean Akaashi

But it's fine

I already sent one of those screenshots to Tsumu

Have fun

**Bokuto-san**

lemme see

_(My Onigiri Chef sent an attachment)_

**Komori**

NOT THE DAY AKAASHI WAS RANTING ABOUT HOW HE WANTED KITA TO JAHFKJAKNVELH

OH GOD

**MY Kozume**

to be fair we all are thirsty in that screenshot.

**Konoha-san**

yeah but we are single

akaashi isn't

and now kita is part of that group chat too

**You**

Miya, I hate you so much.

If Shinsuke breaks up with me prepare yourself.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Joke's on you

I already have my escape airplane ticket to South America

There's nothing you can do

**Komori**

That's some serious escape plan right there

**Bokuto-san**

UM HELLO???

**MY Kozume**

ah yes.

bokuto, go ahead.

**You**

No, don't.

Do not go ahead.

I don't want to hear it.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Isn't that unfortunate?

**You**

Fuck you. :)

**My Onigiri Chef**

Fuck me ;)

**You**

Okay, come over. ;)

**My Onigiri Chef**

Omw ;)

_(Komori took a screenshot)_

**Konoha-san**

that's surprising

komori???

**Komori**

OMG IT WASN'T ME

KIYOOMI TOOK MY PHONE AND DID IT

HE SENT IT TO HIS OWN PHONE

I'M SO SORRY AKAASHI

**My Onigiri Chef**

Why is Tsumu looking at me like that?

Who does he think he is?

WAIT IAEJFILSHGLSEGN

SJFJSIEFIOSTUPSKG

AKAASHI COME GET YOUR MAN DUUAKHFSIHF

PLEASE IAIHFA,JFF

OEOPIT

_(My Onigiri Chef is offline)_

**You**

You deserve it, bitch.

**MY Kozume**

hahahahah.

he does deserve it.

**Konoha-san**

HAHHAHAHAH

mans died

**Bokuto-san**

we'll do his funeral later

rn we have another matter to discuss

**Komori**

Keiji.

I hope whatever you said was a joke.

One Miya is enough.

**You**

Yes, Kiyoomi.

I was kidding.

I hate Osamu, he's dirty.

**Komori**

Good.

Please take a look to the group chat.

I think Kita is embarrassed after reading what Atsumu sent.

We want an explanation as well.

Love you, and please stay away from dirty people. <3

**Konoha-san**

...

HE CARES

SAKUSA CARES ENOUGH TO PUT "LOVE YOU " AND A HEART IN FRONT OF US

**You**

Isn't he a sweetheart?

**MY Kozume**

um no.

**Konoha-san**

he is

when he's not drilling holes on the back of our heads that is

**Bokuto-san**

u mean never then?

**You**

Fair enough.

**Komori**

Okay I took my phone back

You know

We are eating outside because well, reasons

And Kiyoomi is judging everyone so bad

Take a look

_(Komori sent an attachment)_

_(You saved an attachment)_

**You**

Beautiful.

**Konoha-san**

he looks like he wants to murder everyone there...

**MY Kozume**

that's sakusa everybody.

**Komori**

Kenma, you shouldn't say much

You always look like you want to kill everyone around you as well

**You**

He's working on it, right Kozume?

**MY Kozume**

yes.

i'm trying to be and look nicer.

shouyou and akaashi are teaching me how to do it.

**Bokuto-san**

talking about hinata

my prank involves him and all your other 7 boyfriends

it's weird to say they are 8 now

**You**

I knew it.

**Konoha-san**

we all did

it was obvious

but please continue bokuto

i'm interested

**You**

I'm not.

**Komori**

I am

**MY Kozume**

^

_(My Onigiri Chef is online)_

**My Onigiri Chef**

Me too

**You**

Oh, you're back.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Let's not talk about it

**Komori**

Okay

Bokuto continue

**Bokuto-san**

yes

well

i bought something in preparation for this prank

and it requires you to wear it kaashi

**Konoha-san**

ohohohoho

i like this already

**You**

...

As long as it's not too short or transparent then I guess it's fine.

**Bokuto-san**

well...

it's not transparent

it's black actually

but it is short

**My Onigiri Chef**

It's a skirt, right?

**MY Kozume**

one of those short ones.

like reaaaally short.

**Bokuto-san**

yes

**You**

No.

I like skirts, I don't mind wearing them.

But I know this one is too short.

Your rotted brain is just thinking about me getting railed by my boyfriends.

And sir, I do not think that's appropriate.

**Konoha-san**

HAHAHAH

THAT'S ALL WE THINK OF AKAASHI

**MY Kozume**

speak for yourself, dirty bitch.

i only think about akaashi's necessities.

like money, clothing, food, entertainment, happiness, sexual desires, etc...

**Komori**

Kenma...

**MY Kozume**

i said what i said.

now send a pic of the skirt bokuto.

let's see if it's akaashi worthy.

**You**

...

**My Onigiri Chef**

This Friday can't get better

_(Bokuto-san sent an attachment)_

**Bokuto-san**

it's not only a skirt...

it's a whole outfit

**You**

WHAT THE FUCK

ARE THOSE FISHNETS???

A BELT???

CHAINS???

A CROP TOP IHDHAJFKV

THIGH-LENGTH STOCKINGS???

NO.

**Konoha-san**

wow

i must say that's um too much

akaashi would look hot though

**MY Kozume**

i approve.

but i need to help akaashi put it on.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Wowowoowowwo

Akaashi, I'm buying your ticket to South America

You'll need it

**Komori**

Oh my

Akaashi please wear it

**You**

UM HELLO

Are you forgetting I have to see Shouyou???

That kid is a fucking beast.

If I wear that I'm not going to be able to even move for at least two months.

TWO FUCKING MONTHS.

**My Onigiri Chef**

That's the fun part tho

**Bokuto-san**

exactly

besides

they are going to love it

**You**

Of course they are.

I don't doubt that.

The one who is not going to love it is me.

**Konoha-san**

akaashi

we've said this too many times now but some sacrifices must be made

**MY Kozume**

it can't be that bad.

i'm going to be in your dorm with you.

if anyone that isn't shouyou tries to come in i'll stop them.

**Komori**

Well, I do believe Akaashi needs protection against Hinata specifically

He's the one he's supposed to see after all

**MY Kozume**

komori shut up.

shouyou is the only one i'm letting in.

i don't care.

**You**

Osamu give me that ticket.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Yes sir

You need to wear the outfit and come over to buy it tho

That's the only way I'm buying you a ticket to South America

**You**

That's just stupid.

Half the campus is going to see me.

And Atsumu is with you.

**My Onigiri Chef**

That's the whole point

**Bokuto-san**

COME ON KAASHI

don't you wanna see them lose their mind?

**You**

Yes...

**Konoha-san**

then it's settled

**You**

No it's not.

**Komori**

Akaashi, it's just clothes

**You**

Baby, that's like you saying "Oh, it's just a messy bed" to Kiyoomi.

**Komori**

...

I had a change of heart.

Let's do another prank other than this one.

**Bokuto-san**

NO

**My Onigiri Chef**

Stop being so dramatic

It's just rough sex and a lot of horny boyfriends

What could go wrong?

**You**

Are you stupid?

**MY Kozume**

he is.

but still.

i'll protect you akaashi.

**Konoha-san**

yeah

you can even come to my dorm before putting the clothes on

that way they won't find you

**Bokuto-san**

bro no, he'll stay with me

**My Onigiri Chef**

No, me

**Komori**

Me

**MY Kozume**

me.

**You**

Guys.

The only one I can stay with is Konoha-san.

Bokuto-san is with Tetsurou.

Osamu with Atsumu.

Komori with Kiyoomi.

And worst of all, Kozume with Shouyou.

**Komori**

Right...

I forgot

But Kiyoomi and I are already in campus

He wants to visit you though

Wtf am I supposed to say???

**My Onigiri Chef**

Just don't let him

We are doing something important

**You**

Wait

They are killing me by @ me

I'll be right back

* * *

**best boyfriends ever**

_Kita-san <3, Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3, Tooru-san <3, Iwa-san <3, Omi <3, TsumTsum <3, Rin <3, Sho-chan <3_

**TsumTsum <3**

_@You_

**Sho-chan <3**

_@You_

**Tooru-san <3**

_@You_

**Rin <3**

_@You_

**Omi <3**

_@You_

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

_@You_

**Iwa-san <3**

_@You_

**Tooru-san <3**

Shinsuke-chan, it's your turn

**Kita-san <3**

Right.

_@You_

**You**

Yes, Shinsuke? <3

**TsumTsum <3**

wow

top 10 betrayals

**Iwa-san <3**

Shut up Atsumu

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Kita

Ask him about that screenshot Atsumu sent

**Kita-san <3**

Oh, that.

So Keiji, what was that about?

**You**

Um.

I can't talk right now, I'm doing hot girl shit.

**Sho-chan <3**

I WANNA SEE

* * *

**we all are single, but akaashi**

_Bokuto-san, Konoha-san, My Onigiri Chef, MY Kozume, Komori_

**You**

Okay, I'm back.

Let's do the stupid prank.

Kozume come over and Bokuto-san, bring the mf outfit.

**Konoha-san**

WOOAH

YOU GO AKAASHI

**Bokuto-san**

HEY HEY HEY

I'M OMW

_(Bokuto-san is offline)_

**MY Kozume**

same.

_(MY Kozume is offline)_

**My Onigiri Chef**

I love my life

**You**

Huh, funny.

I don't.

**Komori**

HBDHWADBJAGF

HOW DO YOU STOP A COUSIN THAT'S NATURALLY SCARY AND TALLER THAN YOU FROM BREAKING IN INTO HIS BOYFRIEND'S DORM???

**You**

...

**My Onigiri Chef**

...

**Konoha-san**

...

um

are we supposed to be concerned...?

**Komori**

YES

WHY TF DID YOU SAID YOU WERE DOING HOT GIRL SHIT AKAAAASHI

**Konoha-san**

wait

HAHHAHAHA

YOU SAID THAT?

**You**

Eh, yes.

That's what I'm about to do though.

Putting on that outfit is hot girl shit.

**My Onigiri Chef**

He's not wrong

**Komori**

NO HE'S NOT

BUT IDHUIFGSUIGFS

MAYDAY MAYDAY

SOMEONE COME STOP HIM

I CAN'T BY MYSELF

_(Komori is offline)_

**My Onigiri Chef**

I'll help

Just because I care about Akaashi

**You**

You don't care that much when you are snitching.

**My Onigiri Chef**

;)

_(My Onigiri Chef is offline)_

**Konoha-san**

ok akaashi

let's review the safety measures

**You**

What are you talking about, Konoha-san?

**Konoha-san**

well, you are about to throw yourself into the wolves

you need to be safe

**You**

Right.

So what are the safety measures?

**Konoha-san**

first you have to hide properly

**You**

Obviously.

**Konoha-san**

second, do not trust kenma

he's going to get distracted

**You**

Yes.

**Konoha-san**

third, i don't know anything else

**You**

I figured.

**Konoha-san**

whatever

when are we doing another naked model walk?

**You**

KONOHA-SAN

WE ARE NOT DOING THOSE ANYMORE.

**Konoha-san**

but-

_(My Onigiri Chef is online)_

**My Onigiri Chef**

What did he saaaaay?

_(My Onigiri Chef took a screenshot)_

**Konoha-san**

oops

**You**

JKDUGWUFKF

**My Onigiri Chef**

I want to know all about that when I finish dealing with Sakusa here

_(My Onigiri Chef is offline)_

**You**

:)

_(MY Kozume is online)_

_(Bokuto-san is online)_

**MY Kozume**

open up.

**Bokuto-san**

WE ABOUT TO MAKE KAASHI LOOK LIKE THE BADDEST BLEEP

**You**

Ffs.

* * *

"Don't look at me like that 'Kaashi! Is not thaaat short, is it?" Bokuto raised the skirt while setting the other pieces of clothing on Akaashi's bed.

Kenma rolled his eyes and started to organize everything properly on the bed. There were a couple of things, all of them black. Of course, the short skirt Bokuto was holding was the main attraction of the whole outfit. A long-sleeved crop top, loose skirt, fishnets, thigh-length stockings and a complementary belt with a little chain around it. The outfit of the year. Akaashi grimaced at the sight of it after Kenma spread it and was about to run away from his own dorm, but Bokuto blocking the door and Kenma looking at him held him in place.

"You are paying the hospital."

"I was going to anyway," Kenma smiled. "Now, take that off. Underwear included, I have something for you."

Both Bokuto and Akaashi perked up. They had no idea about what other thing Kenma had, but Akaashi was already crying inside. He knew it was some provocative underwear, it was obvious. Sensing his distress, Kenma giggled and showed the little bag Akaashi failed to notice before. _Of course, Victoria Secret._ Nothing good was coming out of there.

"Uh Kenma~ You were prepared for this moment."

"Well, actually, Shouyou picked it and I bought it."

That made it ten times worse. The raven-haired snatched the bag from Kenma's hands and opened it. His eyes widened as soon as he saw the little black lingerie that was perfectly folded inside. Akaashi started shaking his head.

"Oh no, I'm not putting that shit on," Akaashi took out the soft material of underwear. "If you think this fits me then you are wrong."

Bokuto started laughing, his hands covering his mouth as he gasped for air. "Rest in peace 'Kaashi. There's no way Hinata is going easy on you today."

The only blond in the room gave Akaashi the black skirt and pushed him to the small bathroom inside of the dorm. In times like this Akaashi thanked everything that existed that his parents were nice enough to help him pay for a dorm without a roommate and a bathroom. The two black pieces of clothing were driving him insane. Bokuto's ideas were always bad, but this one was another level. Maybe it was just a skirt and lingerie, but he had horny boyfriends. They were simple men, if they saw Akaashi with something short, tight or provocative their brains started to fail and sadly the outfit Bokuto bought plus Kenma's little gift fulfilled all those categories.

Akaashi sighed and rapidly took his clothes off. He stared at himself for some seconds in the small mirror in front of him. He couldn't see his full body but it was enough for him to understand the lingerie Kenma bought was, in fact, his size. The small piece was soft to the touch and stretchy enough for him to accommodate everything in place. It was uncomfortable at first, but after struggling a bit it felt nice and soft. He then took the skirt and put it on as well. It was a perfect fit too. The skirt went as far as covering his belly button and embracing his waist perfectly. It was short, but not enough for his underwear to show. His creamy thighs were completely exposed though.

"Well, this is different," Akaashi came out of the bathroom and bit his lower lip. He felt the cold air of the dorm freeze his bones. He was shirtless and his legs were as bare as they could be after all. "Give me the fishnets and crop top, please."

Kenma nodded still dumfounded and gave Akaashi what he was asking for. Bokuto stayed there, just blinking and breathing. Akaashi looked absolutely astonishing even if the outfit was not complete yet. His pale skin was the perfect contrast to the black of all the clothing he was putting on. After fighting a bit with the fishnets and messing up his already messy hair with the crop top, Akaashi was ready for the last two pieces.

"Turn around, Akaashi. The belt is quite tight," the pudding head grabbed the belt and started to surround the top of the skirt with it. Akaashi grunted at how tight it was and sent Bokuto a murderous stare. The older smiled and sent a thumbs up. "Done."

Akaashi immediately chuckled as he saw his reflection on the standing mirror of his dorm. He didn't look bad at all. His waist seemed thinner than usual and his skin had a creamier look to it. The raven-haired grabbed the black stockings Bokuto was giving him and put them on. Now it was complete.

"I have to be honest, it doesn't look _that_ bad." 

"What are you talking about, 'Kaashi? You look amazing."

"I agree with Bokuto."

Akaashi waved them off and went to his bathroom to get his black, liquid eyeliner and mascara. He wasn't much of a makeup boy, but he had the essential to compliment his outfit. When he came out with the two small makeup products Kenma laughed and sat down on the bed. Bokuto followed his steps and sat down, his eyes intensely watching Akaashi. The raven-haired winked at them and turned around to see himself again on the large mirror. He started by putting on the eyeliner and then moved on to use mascara.

"He really got in the mood after complaining so much," Akaashi rolled his eyes at Kenma's comment. "I'm curious to see how the idiots, Shouyou, and Kita are going to react."

"Me too, let's take the picture now," Akaashi opened his closet and looked for his black boots. They were only for the pictures as he was going to take them off as soon as they finished their little photoshoot. "Let's post some Instagram stories and posts after we show them."

Bokuto nodded aggressively and took his phone out. "We are going to be famous just because of how pretty 'Kaashi is."

* * *

**we all are single, but akaashi**

_Bokuto-san, Konoha-san, My Onigiri Chef, MY Kozume, Komori_

_(You sent an attachment)_

**Konoha-san**

AKAASHI PLEASE RAIL ME

YOU LOOK SO GOOD

IS THAT EYELINER???

OH MY GOD

**Komori**

WOWOWOWOW

AKAAAASHI

YOU ARE SO PRETTY FFS

**My Onigiri Chef**

THAT'S MY BESTIE

**You**

Bestie who?

You are always snitching on me.

**My Onigiri Chef**

What are you talking about?

I'll never snitch on daddy

I'll hold a brick for you, daddy

Smash on a bitch for you, daddy

**Konoha-san**

HAHAHAHAHA

**Bokuto-san**

and you can't see the best part of the outfit

kenma bought black lingerie

**Komori**

...

L i n g e r i e

**MY Kozume**

send the pic akaashi.

we've all seen each other naked anyway.

**You**

True.

_(You sent an attachment)_

**Konoha-san**

i'm dead

plz someone come pick me up

**My Onigiri Chef**

Akaashi please come visit me.

I'll treat you real good.

**Komori**

Fuck your 8 boyfriends.

I don't know them.

Let's take Akaashi for ourselves.

**MY Kozume**

^

**Bokuto-san**

^

**You**

I'm flattered, really.

**Konoha-san**

okay but wait

imaging having akaashi under you crying and his mascara and eyeliner all ruined and shit

**My Onigiri Chef**

DON'T PUT IMAGES IN MY HEAD

NOW I REALLY WANT TO RAIL AKAASHI

I CAN'T HAVE THESE THOUGHTS ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND

WTF

**Komori**

Let's fuck up the friendship~

Come get in my head~

**MY Kozume**

akaashi is laughing so hard rn.

**Bokuto-san**

yeah

**You**

I love this chat.

When Osamu isn't snitching that is.

**My Onigiri Chef**

I SAID I'LL NEVER SNITCH ON DADDY

**You**

Suuuure.

**Komori**

Moving on because I'm getting all flustered and Kiyoomi is starting to question this...

_@MY Kozume @Bokuto-san_

Are you two going to stay with Akaashi?

**MY Kozume**

yeah, no.

now that i think about it i know for sure shouyou is going to fuck akaashi with us here or not.

i don't want to see that.

**Bokuto-san**

^

**You**

What the fuck???

You are supposed to protect me.

How the fuck am I going to stop eight men from breaking in my poor dorm?

**My Onigiri Chef**

Oof

You think Kita-san is going to get horny as well?

**You**

I mean, I hope so.

**Komori**

Of course he is getting horny

No one is immune to Akaashi

**Konoha-san**

that's true

**Bokuto-san**

well 'kaashi you are all on your own <3

**MY Kozume**

i love you akaashi.

**You**

Fuck.

I love you too Kozume.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Go send them pics to your boyfriends

Tsumu is kinda bored

He needs some spice in his life

**You**

Fine, wish me luck.

* * *

**best boyfriends ever**

_Kita-san <3, Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3, Tooru-san <3, Iwa-san <3, Omi <3, TsumTsum <3, Rin <3, Sho-chan <3_

**You**

Guys.

Hi.

Are you all sitting down comfortable in your dorms?

**Sho-chan <3**

well, i'm omw to your dorm akaashi-san ;)

**You**

Haha that's not good.

Stop where you are and sit your cute ass down.

**Omi <3**

You have something to say or show.

What is it, Keiji?

**Tooru-san <3**

I'm so excited right now

Kou-chan said something about us liking this surprise

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

I even saw he had a bag with clothes

He said I couldn't see them

So now I know they were for Keiji ;)

**TsumuTsum <3**

samu is smirking ;)

this is about to be good

**Rin <3**

i just know is sexy

**Kita-san <3**

I-

Why are you all so horny?

**Iwa-san <3**

You are too Kita

We all are

**Kita-san <3**

I'm not

**Rin <3**

You are Kita-san

**Omi <3**

Shut up and let Keiji talk.

**You**

Thank you Kiyoomi. <3

So...

I did a thing.

**TsumTsum <3**

ohhohhoohoh

please show us keiji-kun

**Tooru-san <3**

Keiji-chan is about to bless our eyes

I know it

**Iwa-san <3**

For once I agree with you Shittykawa

**You**

Okay so like wait.

Before I send it.

Please do not come to my dorm.

Shouyou is the only one who's allowed to do so.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Chibi-chan...

He's so lucky istg

**Rin <3**

can i come? ;)

**You**

...

Rin...

Sweetheart...

Baby...

I don't think that's wise.

**Kita-san <3**

Can I?

**You**

Yes.

But only after Shouyou.

**Rin <3**

keiji...

**TsumTsum <3**

well that hurts HAHAHAHAH

**You**

Oh shut up.

Shinsuke is only allowed if he comes just for cuddles.

I'm afraid Sho-chan is a lot for a day.

**Sho-chan <3**

heheh

**Tooru-san <3**

I hate you Chibi-chan

I hate you so much

**Rin <3**

i hate him more

that little shit

**Omi <3**

Leave Hinata alone.

**Sho-chan <3**

moving on

i'm sorry kita-san but i'm afraid you are not going to be able to come

in fact none of you are

akaashi-san is not going to be able to open the door, and i'm not going to do it for him

today is my day alone

fuck off <3

**TsumTsum <3**

oh well shouyou-kun

you are really being a brat now

**Iwa-san <3**

Wow

**Kita-san <3**

Somehow I feel offended.

**Rin <3**

^

**Tooru-san <3**

It was so aggressive

Jeez Chibi-chan

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

He really came for our asses

**Omi <3**

Fucking brat.

**Sho-chan <3**

...

I'M SORRY OMI-SAN

I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT

PLEASE DON'T POISON ME ON MY SLEEP

**Omi <3**

:)

**You**

This has been fun.

So um here, take it.

_(You sent four attachments)_

**You**

Enjoy. <3

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

HUDHYGFKCSA

I CAN'T FUNCTION

KEIJI, YOU ARE THE HOTTEST PERSON I'VE SEEN

CAN I FUCK YOU AGAIN BUT WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON???

**Tooru-san <3**

ARE THOSE...?

WAIT A DAMN MINUTE

IS THAT LINGERIE???

YOU ARE GOING TO KILL ME AKAASHI KEIJI

**Iwa-san <3**

...

Keiji babe, you look absolutely amazing

**TsumTsum <3**

IS THAT ALL YOUR COLD ASS IS GOING TO SAY???

KEIJI-KUN PLEASE SUCK MY DICK WITH THAT ON

YOU ARE SO HOT GODDAMNIT

I'M HARD

**Sho-chan <3**

AKAASHI-SAN I AM GOING TO MAKE YOU FORGET YOUR MF NAME

I DON'T CARE

YOUR MAKEUP IS GOING TO RUN DOWN YOUR FACE

I WANT TO SEE YOU CRYING

I'M NOT SETTLING FOR NOTHING LESS THAN AT LEAST SIX HOURS OF SEX

PREPARE YOURSELF

**Omi <3**

Ejem.

So, Keiji love.

I know you are going to be busy today.

But now that I know you are into those type of clothes can you wear some I bought for you a while back?

I am scheduling a whole day with you, I hope you are free on Sunday.

Btw, you are too attractive.

**Kita-san <3**

Oh God.

Keiji, how can you be so jncjbwb???

**Rin <3**

omg kita-san is hella flustered

he looks hotter that usual ffs

AND KEIJI

can we roleplay? i want you to wear that type of clothes and cat ears or something

call me master and all that shit

**You**

HAHAH OH WOW.

This has been very entertaining.

 _@Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3 _I'm not sure how exactly you are going to do that but sure, I'm up for it anytime.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

I'm buying you some new outfits just for that

And I don't care about what you say

I AM buying it

**You**

:)

 _@Tooru-san <3 _It is lingerie, courtesy of both Kozume and Shouyou.

**Tooru-san <3**

Chibi-chan, thank you

I do not hate you anymore

I'll thank Kenma personally too

Now I found my new fetish

Keiji-chan, if the date for Saturday is still up we are going lingerie shopping ;)

**You**

Oh God, I'm going to ignore that.

 _@Iwa-san <3 _Thank you, Hajime. You are so pure, I love you so much. <3

**Iwa-san <3**

Oh no, I am going to fuck you in one of the bathrooms around campus one of these days

I just wanted to keep my dirty thoughts for myself

But I do love you too, Keiji

**You**

...

I-

Moving on.

 _@TsumTsum <3 _I'll do it Tsumu, not today though.

But soon, I promise.

**TsumTsum <3**

i'll wait

it's going to be sweeter when you come to me

**You**

Right...

 _@Sho-chan <3 _I have no idea what to tell you more than see you soon.

I'm waiting for you. <3

**Sho-chan <3**

oh i'm almost there ;)

_(Sho-chan <3 is offline)_

**You**

Well, fuck.

 _@Omi <3 _Kiyoomi, I'll wear whatever you want.

And I'm free on Sunday, but I'm not sure how capable I'll be though.

**Omi <3**

Good.

And that's fine, I'll be gentle.

**You**

HAHAH I'VE HEARD THAT TOO MANY TIMES FROM YOU.

IT NEVER ENDS UP BEING GENTLE.

Ejem.

 _@Kita-san <3 _You are so cute.

As soon as I am free you are coming over. There are some things I want to show you Shin-chan. <3

**Kita-san <3**

I'm up for it.

Just tell me the day and hour and I'll be there. ;)

**You**

Heheh yes.

 _@Rin <3 _And you, we can do that.

It's too kinky but I guess we can work it out.

**Rin <3**

oh we will ;)

**You**

Well, my horny loves.

I think it's my time to leave.

It was a pleasure to isjviuhiuvhnd nb eipvvm

ncnaoncncjndc

xijeiwcm osdcs

cijijcjs

**Tooru-san <3**

Keiji-chan...?

**Kita-san <3**

Are you okay, love?

**TsumTsum <3**

he's not okay

KEIJI-KUN

**Rin <3**

i know it was that little beast

that monster

the salty orange thing

**Omi <3**

That brat. :)

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Chibi-chan istg

**Iwa-san <3**

I just hope Keiji is okay

Hinata does seem feral

I think he barks and all

**Tooru-san <3**

IWA-CHAN HAHAHAH

**You**

iwaizumi-san, i do not bark

but whatever

see you later

i have a date with akaashi-san

and i'm going to make him scream only my name

good luck beating me after this

(not you kita-san, you can beat the hell out of everyone just by looking at akaashi-san)

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

At least he knows no one can top Kita

**Kita-san <3**

I genuinely don't know what to say when you start saying those things

**Tooru-san <3**

Just smile and nod Shinsuke-chan

Smile and nod

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew, i don't know how to feel about this one. i like it but not as much as i would like to. anyways, i hope you enjoyed it and thank you so much for your amazing comments! they make me so happy. if you want to come say hi, know something about updates or the story overall or if you want to just talk you can find me on twitter.
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/sunakinnie_)


	7. the (sex) dilemma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> akaashi suffers the aftermath of having hinata aka chibi-chan in his dorm and starts to rant all about how rough his sex life is. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really sorry about this one, but what can i say? akaashi has horny boyfriends who like sex. if you are uncomfortable with that you can skip this chapter.

**we are all single, but akaashi**

_Bokuto-san, Konoha-san, My Onigiri Chef, MY Kozume, Komori_

**You**

Well, good morning.

Today is a wonderful day to die.

Don't we love Saturdays?

They bring that extra negativity out of me lately. :)

**My Onigiri Chef**

Good morning Akaashi

Don't you think it is a little early for having a death wish AND being negative?

**You**

What are you talking about?

It's nine in the morning.

How is that early?

_(Komori is online)_

**Komori**

Good morning Akaashi

How are you feeling?

**You**

Oh, I'm glad you asked.

I don't want to be pessimistic or anything but if I could throw myself out of the window I would.

But guess what? I can't even move my fucking legs. :)

**My Onigiri Chef**

That's... bad

Is Hinata awake?

**You**

AWAKE???

HAHAHHAHA.

WHAT A JOKE.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm stressed and my whole body hurts.

**Komori**

It's okay

Let's calm down

Do you have Advil or something?

**My Onigiri Chef**

Yes, that

**You**

Of course I do.

I think the Advil company could live just with me as their customer.

But the problem here is that I can't stand up to get them.

**Komori**

Oh...

**My Onigiri Chef**

Wake Hinata up

He needs to be responsible for his actions

He caused this

**You**

I don't have the heart to wake him up.

We started at 6 pm, ended at 2 am...

**My Onigiri Chef**

Um Akaashi, honey

That's 9 hours...

Did you spent 9 hours of your day having sex???

**Komori**

Oh God

Kiyoomi is horrified

He is saying he needs to step up his game

Something about Hinata absolutely not out-gaming him

**You**

...

How did my sex life became a competition again?

And yes my dear Osamu, I spent nine hours of my amazing life having sex with a monster.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Are you sure you are okay?

How are you even awake?

**You**

I have no idea.

I think I'm fine, more or less.

The poor clothes can't say the same.

I think I need to pay Bokuto-san back.

**Komori**

What happened?

**My Onigiri Chef**

I think I have an idea...

_(You sent an attachment)_

**You**

You can see by that how destroyed the poor skirt is.

Oh and the fishnets are just strings at this point.

The crop top is in half, how beautiful.

**Komori**

IS HINATA AN ANIMAL???

HOW DID THAT LITTLE HUMAN DID THAT???

YOUR FLOOR IS A MESS

**My Onigiri Chef**

Wow

Should we go help you out?

**You**

That would be nice.

Though, I kind of want Tooru to do that.

**Komori**

Oikawa? Why?

That's kind of cruel if you ask me

You can't make your sex-deprived boyfriend pick up your mess after sex with another guy

That's just a no no

**You**

I know that.

But if he sees what Shouyou did to my clothes and well, body and dorm, then he will understand I just can't.

He wanted to go lingerie shopping...

**My Onigiri Chef**

HAHAHHAHA

Amazing

Lingerie shopping sounds fun

**You**

Yes, it does if you are not the one who's going to end up with all the lingerie turned into pieces at the end.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Oh...

Is Oikawa aggressive too?

**You**

THEY ALL ARE.

Aggressiveness is their personal motto ffs.

I don't know about Shinsuke though.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Sweetie, just cry already

I'm pretty sure Kita-san is NOT vanilla

**Komori**

No

I think he is adaptable

I mean, if you want it rough he'll do it rough and if you want it gentle he'll be gentle

That's how I imagine Kita

**You**

...

That sounds nice.

**Komori**

I know

But we don't know that

**My Onigiri Chef**

You need to find out, Akaashi

**You**

Yeah, no.

I'm not having sex for at least a month.

_(Konoha-san is online)_

**Konoha-san**

good morning peasants

and what a joke akaashi dear

you are probably having sex today again

**You**

No.

**Komori**

Let the man rest

He needs to build up his strength for later today

Oikawa is going to buy lingerie for him

**My Onigiri Chef**

So much for not having sex for a month HAHAHAH

**You**

...

You know what's the worst of all this?

I can't even tell Tooru no.

He's been awfully patient.

**Konoha-san**

there you go HAHHAHA

oikawa is going to have a full show today

**You**

Oh God no.

I just hope he is not that horny.

**Komori**

Keep dreaming Akaashi

There's no way he is normal after seeing you with those clothes

**My Onigiri Chef**

Well, I can't talk for Oikawa but Tsumu had the weirdest smirk yesterday

**You**

...

I know why.

Let's not get into that.

**Konoha-san**

moving on

i saw the mess hinata made off your clothes

but how does your body look?

**Komori**

Konoha ffs

What type of question is that?

**Konoha-san**

what?

i have a thing for akaashi's body, okay?

he has the perfect proportions

**You**

Thank you I guess.

That's really sweet of you, Konoha-san.

And here, just look at my neck and shoulders.

_(You sent an attachment)_

**My Onigiri Chef**

Someone call animal control

**Konoha-san**

HAHAHAH

HINATA SAID "BARK BARK HISS SNARL GRRRRR BRR MEOW"

**Komori**

...

Konoha please stop it

**You**

The best thing out of all this is that I'm internally suffering but he's soundlessly asleep right now.

**Konoha-san**

that's why, dear akaashi, you should've top him

**You**

I dare you to try.

I swear to God, I give you permission.

I'll give you whatever you want, just try.

No one can dominate Shouyou.

I'M TALLER THAN HIM BUT HE SOMEHOW CAN MANHANDLE ME LIKE I'M NOTHING.

**My Onigiri Chef**

I'm very concerned right now

For example, Sakusa

How does that work?

**Komori**

Oh I'll answer that for you

Can I, Akaashi?

**You**

Sure, go ahead.

**Konoha-san**

i'm interested tbh

**My Onigiri Chef**

Komori, please illuminate me with your knowledge

**Komori**

Well, Kiyoomi and I are very close so I practically know everything about his sex life

Of course, that only includes Akaashi as of now

**You**

And I'm proud about that. <3

**Komori**

So, he is very demanding

I mean, if that bitch says "Kneel" your ass needs to kneel right there

Isn't that right, Akaashi?

**You**

Sadly.

One time I said I was not going to suck him off.

It didn't end well.

**My Onigiri Chef**

...

What happened...?

**Konoha-san**

i know what happened

akaashi and i used to do those naked model walks when that little thing took place

let's just say my man had sakusa's hands imprinted on his poor cheeks and his fingers on his hips

it was very brutal but so hot

**You**

Konoha-san. :)

**My Onigiri Chef**

But isn't that abuse?

Akaashi do you need help?

We are here for you

**You**

You hypocrite.

Acting all helpful when you are the main reason I spend most of my days limping.

**My Onigiri Chef**

HAHHAAHHAAH

**Komori**

But Osamu, to answer your question

No, it's not abuse

Akaashi likes it

**You**

Komori, baby. :)

**Komori**

What?

Both you and Kiyoomi say you are into the rougher side of things

You like to scratch his back, I've seen it

**Konoha-san**

THIS IS SPICY

AKAASHI IS INTO PAIN

**You**

Not exactly.

I like being dominated.

But I like to top too, you know?

**My Onigiri Chef**

That's interesting

Who bottoms for you?

**You**

None of them, not at first at least.

But I can make Atsumu beg when he's out of it.

And Oikawa too.

Rin is way harder to dominate than them but once in a hundred years I am able to do so.

**Konoha-san**

wowoowow

atsumu, oikawa AND suna bottom for you?

that's beautiful

**My Onigiri Chef**

My brother...

HE LETS YOU TOP HIM?

HE'S SUPER PICKY ABOUT THAT

I mean, he doesn't like being on the submissive side of things

**Komori**

Akaashi is good at everything

I'm pretty sure Atsumu likes it only when Akaashi is the one bringing him to his knees

**You**

That's pretty flattering.

But like I said, it's only when he's out of it.

I mean, he needs to be REALLY horny for that to happen.

**Konoha-san**

wait now...

i'm curious about something else

akaashi

have you tried sexting?

**You**

Yeah, but not with them.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Konoha, you are a genius but that is a really bad idea considering Akaashi's state.

**Komori**

It is.

**You**

I could do it.

I can tease Tooru...

**Konoha-san**

you see? he likes limping around

**Komori**

Akaashi, are you forgetting you have animal bites all around your body?

**You**

I did forgot.

But hey, I remembered right away when I tried to move.

It doesn't help I have a chibi-chan clinging to me for dear life.

**My Onigiri Chef**

HAHAH "A CHIBI-CHAN"

**Konoha-san**

how is he holding you?

i'm so curious

**Komori**

You are really nosy, aren't you?

**Konoha-san**

and i'm proud about it

**You**

I probably will regret saying all of this later because right now I'm not really conscious of what's happening.

But um Shouyou is literally grinding against me in his sleep.

**My Onigiri Chef**

He's horny and he's not even awake

That's when you know they are beasts

**Konoha-san**

god, hinata is smth else

**You**

Yeah.

Oh, he's waking up.

Great.

**Komori**

I'm not sure if he is being sarcastic or he's genuinely happy Hinata woke up

**My Onigiri Chef**

Probably both

**Konoha-san**

HAHAHHA

now that i think about it

akaashi said he'd tried sexting

but not with his actual boyfriends

_(My Onigiri Chef took a screenshot)_

**My Onigiri Chef**

This is some real tea

**Komori**

You want to end Akaashi's whole career even more?

**My Onigiri Chef**

Yes.

**You**

Let's not act like you know, there hasn't been a calculated push by many people in the industry to end my career in the last year and a half.

**Konoha-san**

HAHAH NOT NICKI MINAJ

**You**

They've done so much.

And every time when they see this little... yeah, this little thing back up and kicking they be like "What the fuck is it gonna take to get rid of this bitch".

YOU CAN'T GET RID OF ME BITCH.

I'M NOT GOING NOWHERE.

I'M NOT GOING FUCKING NOWHERE.

**Komori**

He's trying to change the topic

**My Onigiri Chef**

He is

But it ain't happening

**Konoha-san**

akaashi tell us

who's the mysterious person you did sexting with

**You**

Did you know that bungee gum contains the properties of both rubber and gum?

**Konoha-san**

oooOooOooOOOOhhhhH gOoOOOn

**Komori**

Don't start

**My Onigiri Chef**

^

**You**

Please do not ask me about my life before them.

I do not wish for Osamu to start snitching on me and causing problems.

**Komori**

Hmmm

Something's fishy

**Konoha-san**

yes

**My Onigiri Chef**

It almost sounds like Akaashi is worried about someone from his past  
  


**You**

Um yes.

I am worried.

**Konoha-san**

uhHuhHhuHh

do we know the person?

**You**

Wait.

How did you even came to that conclusion?

I only said I didn't want Osamu to snitch.

It makes no sense.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Akaashi, when does something makes sense in this group chat?

**Komori**

Good point

**Konoha-san**

it's mostly because of bokuto tho

WAIT

is bokuto the one you tried sexting with?

**You**

No.

Why would I do that?

And drop it already.

It doesn't matter anymore.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Interesting

So you won't tell?

**You**

No.

Fuck off.

**Komori**

It's fine

I got you

_(Komori added @Tobio-chan to the group)_

**You**

...

Why?

What do you get from this?

**Konoha-san**

information

**Tobio-chan**

wtf is this

"we are all single, but akaashi"

OH WAIT

keijiiiiiiiiii

**You**

Good morning, Tobio.

**Tobio-chan**

gm to you too

how are you?

**You**

kageyama-kun!

akaashi-san is completely fine you know

he's taking pills now

something about having a headache because of konoha-san, osamu-san and komori-san 

OH and also something about his whole body aching

**Konoha-san**

HAHHAHA

well well

but isn't it our favorite sex beast?

hinata shouyou aka chibi-chan or more known in this group chat as the little monster

**Tobio-chan**

wtf

**Komori**

Akaashi is going to kill you, Konoha

**You**

uhuhu

so akaashi-san talks about me?

am i the favorite then?

**My Onigiri Chef**

Hey there Hinata, let's not get ahead of ourselves

That spot is for Sunarin

Of course, Kita-san is on top for obvious reasons

**You**

:(

that's unfair tbh

i'm pretty sure i should be the favorite after last night

**Tobio-chan**

what did you do to my cousin, boke?

**Konoha-san**

isn't it obvious kageyama?

he broke his back

**Tobio-chan**

broke his back as in...?

or literally...?

**Komori**

I-

Nevermind that, Kageyama

**You**

oh wow

this group chat has way more secrets than i thought

**My Onigiri Chef**

Wait...

Are you scrolling up?

**Konoha-san**

...

that's actually smart

**Komori**

Where is Akaashi?

That's really bad

**You**

akaashi-san is whining in his bed

i got up to find the pills and he gave me his phone for no reason

now that i got back to bed he is trying to sleep while cuddling

i think he is tired guys

**Tobio-chan**

you think, boke???

**Konoha-san**

oh wow

akaashi must really have a death wish then

**You**

i would ask why but there's no need

he really tells you all everything

OH WOW

AKAASHI-SAN WAS INTO SEXTING???

i want him to do it with me :(

**Komori**

Hinata, you should really stop there

There's no need for you to see further conversations, right?

**My Onigiri Chef**

I just sit back and observe

Akaashi can't say I'm snitching

It's his own fault now

**Tobio-chan**

jandwbfubwu

so keiji told you all about his sexting phase?

i thought i was the only one who knew the details :(

**You**

oh really now kageyama?

plz tell

**My Onigiri Chef**

^

Akaashi never said anything about it

He just kept saying it didn't matter

**Konoha-san**

i mean

that's why you are in the group chat in the first place

we need you to tell us all about akaashi's sexting

**Komori**

I strongly believe Hinata being here is real bad

**You**

i'm harmless

i swear

**My Onigiri Chef**

Those hickeys on Akaashi's neck say otherwise, Mr. I'm Harmless

**Tobio-chan**

...

i'm not going to say anything

i told keiji to stay away from all of you but he didn't listen

i gave him the best solution to his problems

**Konoha-san**

to be fair i don't think breaking up with them is going to do much

**Komori**

Yeah, it's just going to make it worse

**My Onigiri Chef**

We are talking here about astronomically worse

**You**

yeap

we are just going to beg until he takes all of us back

and trust me, he will

**Komori**

Well, he's scary...

**Konoha-san**

leave hinata alone, he's not going to keep scrolling

he knows better

**You**

ujum

i don't want akaashi-san to magically wake up and take his phone

so i'm going to behave and only pay attention to the current convo

**My Onigiri Chef**

:(

I wanted some spice but that's fine ig

**Komori**

You devil

**Tobio-chan**

ejem

so

what do we want to know about keiji's backstory?

**Konoha-san**

well everything duuuh

**Tobio-chan**

what do i get in return tho?

i'm not gonna sell my cousin for free

**You**

we'll buy all possible milk from the vending machines around campus

**Komori**

That's expensive

**Konoha-san**

who cares

akaashi has a lot of boyfriends who would die to know all this

we'll ask them to give money to the cause

**You**

yeah

omi-san will be delighted and pay up

**Tobio-chan**

deal then

but i want ALL

**My Onigiri Chef**

I have zero idea where you are putting all of that but sure

Everything for information of Akaashi's life

**Konoha-san**

when akaashi wakes up hell's gonna go loose

**You**

no, i'll handle it

i know how to make akaashi-san soft

he's really cute tbh

**Tobio-chan**

i dunno how

i dunno why

but hearing u boke saying that makes me hate u a little less

maybe keiji dating u isn't so bad

**You**

thanks kageyama-kun ;)

i'm the best bf after all

**Komori**

Sorry to disappoint but that would be Kita

**Konoha-san**

right

kageyama go on

we have limited time here

**My Onigiri Chef**

Actually no

Stop right there

Don't say shit

I'm going to make this better

_(My Onigiri Chef kicked @Tobio-chan out of the group)_

* * *

**Akaashi's past sex life...**

_(My Onigiri Chef, Komori, Konoha-san, Tobio-chan, Omi <3, Kita-san <3, Iwa-san <3, Tooru-san <3)_

**My Onigiri Chef**

Them other hoes are probably sleeping so they get no tea

Sorry not sorry

And Hinata is already in Akaashi's phone so honestly there's no need

**Kita-san <3**

This is unexpected.

It's nine in the morning, Osamu.

It's too early to talk about sex, don't you think?

**Tooru-san <3**

I disagree my dear Shinsuke-chan

I'm curious about this and why exactly is Tobio-chan here

**Iwa-san <3**

Here we go again

**Tobio-chan**

oikawa-san, chill

i'm the one giving the info

for a price of course

**You**

yEEEES

kageyama agreed to tell us about akaashi-san's past if we bought all milk related products from the vending machines around campus.

**Omi <3**

That's ridiculous.

How much money do you need?

Just name the price.

**Konoha-san**

wtf...

he said it was ridiculous and then...

how...?

**Komori**

Leave it alone

He's like that

**My Onigiri Chef**

Oops I forgot about one

_(My Onigiri Chef added TsumTsum <3 to the group)_

**Omi <3**

No.

Hell no.

Get that creature out of here.

**TsumTsum <3**

well hello, omi-kun

how are ya my pretty best friend?

and wassup with the group name?

are we discovering sum deep shit abt keiji-kun???

**You**

yes atsumu-san!

akaashi-san said he tried sexting with someone other than all of us before

and kageyama is about to spill the tea

**Tooru-san <3**

Sexting you said?

Hehehhehehe

**Kita-san <3**

There's no way to convince you all otherwise so...

Kageyama, speak.

**Konoha-san**

OH SHIT

KAGEYAMA THAT'S A FUCKING ORDER

KITA SPOKE

AND YOU PEASANT HAVE TO OBEY

**My Onigiri Chef**

DAMN RIGHT

**Komori**

YEEEES

Wait, Hinata

**You**

yes?

**Komori**

Are you sure Akaashi is completely asleep?

He sees this shit and we all are done for

**You**

well of course

akaashi-san will never know

i'll delete every evidence

we need tojs cvivev jeibv heb veivcheirch

scjoisjvijvkcvcplvkvjv

riinvkscncnvsckwpokdowjfw

**Iwa-san <3**

That doesn't look good

I think someone got caught

**TsumTsum <3**

i mean HAHA

shouyou-kun i love ya but you're a little shit

ya deserve it <3

**My Onigiri Chef**

He's more likable than you

**Omi <3**

^

I agree 100%

**Tobio-chan**

shut up already

i'll start by saying smth realy important

**Tooru-san <3**

"Really", Tobio-chan

That's just embarrassing

**Tobio-chan**

yeah yeah whatever

so

keiji was a very casual guy, you know?

one night stand type of shit

but he had a bf, like a really into deep shit type of bf

**You**

Shut the fuck up.

That's your cue to shut your big ass mouth up.

Shut. It. Kageyama. Tobio.

**TsumTsum <3**

keiji-kun???

**Konoha-san**

AYO AYO

MAYDAY MAYDAY

EMERGENCY EMERGENCY

AKAASHI WOKE UP

**Tooru-san <3**

BABY I'M NOT EVEN HERE

I'M A HALLUCINATION 

**Omi <3**

I do not regret having curiosity.

I'm not apologizing, I'm not explaining.

Deal with it, Keiji.

**You**

It's okay Kiyoomi, I forgive you.

However.

_@My Onigiri Chef @Komori @Konoha-san @Tobio-chan_

:)

**Komori**

OMIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

SAKUSAAAAAA

PLEASE PROTECT ME FROM YOUR BOYFRIEND

I AM YOUR COUSIN

WE ARE FAMILY

**Omi <3**

I don't know you.

**Iwa-san <3**

HABDBJAKFHGUASHHAHAA

**Kita-san <3**

I said it was too early to talk about sex.

But y'all didn't listen.

**TsumTsum <3**

but...

kita-san...

you said...

**You**

He didn't say anything. :)

Shinsuke is an angel. :)

And whoever says otherwise let's meet outside campus. :)

**Kita-san <3**

<3

**Konoha-san**

this is so unfair

but it isn't at the same time

I BLAME OSAMU

**My Onigiri Chef**

WTF???

WHY ME???

**TsumTsum <3**

yeah keiji-kun

it was all samu

**You**

I know.

**My Onigiri Chef**

WDYM "I know"???

YOU DON'T KNOW

**Tooru-san <3**

Looks like one Miya is about to disappear from existence

How sad

**Omi <3**

I wished it was the other one but I guess it's good enough.

**TsumTsum <3**

</3

**Iwa-san <3**

That's rude, Oikawa

Control yourself and your rude ass

**Tooru-san <3**

Yes, Iwa-chan

**Konoha-san**

JBDHADHADADHAHA

AND THAT'S BOTTOM ENERGY RIGHT THERE 

**Komori**

Konoha, what the fuck

Have Akaashi's rants taught you nothing?

Remember what he said

**You**

Oh my God.

I didn't say shit, baby.

Keep. The. Conversation. To. Yourself.

Thank you.

**Iwa-san <3**

Did he just...?

**TsumTsum <3**

baby???

BABY???

OMI-KUN CONTROL UR COUSIN

**Omi <3**

Creature, relax.

Motoya is a harmless being.

**Komori**

Yes, that

I'm harmless

**My Onigiri Chef**

Yeah, I'm harmless too

**You**

I would like to disagree to that statement.

After Tobio, you are the most dangerous person in my life.

**Tobio-chan**

what is that supposed to mean

**Konoha-san**

let's not act all innocent now kageyama

**TsumTsum <3**

yes tobio-kun

**Tooru-san <3**

You are quite the snitch for the right price Tobio-chan

Keep it up

It's the only thing you are useful for anyway

**Iwa-san <3**

Apologize right the fuck now

**Tooru-san <3**

No

**Iwa-san <3**

Oikawa Tooru

**Tooru-san <3**

...

I'm sorry Tobio-chan

**Tobio-chan**

hehe

i dont accept ur apology tho

**Komori**

He's sassy

**TsumTsum <3**

moving on

what happened to shouyou-kun???

even if he's a little shit i'm worried...

he's shouyou-kun after all...

**Omi <3**

I agree with it.

**Konoha-san**

"it" HAHAHAHAHA

**My Onigiri Chef**

I accept this Atsumu slander

HAHAAHAHAH

**You**

He's fine.

I think.

I mean, he's not moving.

But that could mean anything.

**Iwa-san <3**

Keiji, babe...

What did you do?

**Tooru-san <3**

Isn't it obvious, Iwa-chan?

He killed Chibi-chan

The question here is how we are hiding the body

Because I will cover up for Keiji-chan

**Omi <3**

I have some ideas.

**Kita-san <3**

^

**TsumTsum <3**

i forgot how much of a psycho kita-san is

he rivals omi-kun and all

it's scary

**Konoha-san**

i'm sorry but politely shut the fuck up

kita ain't no psycho

he's perfect

**Tobio-chan**

can we focus here?

hinata is dead

DEAD

i hate him but i can't lose boke

he's... well, boke

**You**

Awww.

Tobio-chan.

You care about Sho-chan.

You are so cute. <3

**Tooru-san <3**

What the fuck?

He was hating on Tobio-chan two seconds ago...

**Komori**

That's Akaashi for you

**My Onigiri Chef**

As long as he ain't hating on me I'm fine...

**You**

We are going outside, Osamu. :)

We have to talk.

**Tooru-san <3**

What about meeee?

We are supposed to go lingerie shopping today

**Konoha-san**

about that...

he's not available for sex

**Kita-san <3**

Sweetie, no one's talking about sex

**Konoha-san**

kita talked to me...

for personal reason i will be passing away now

it was a pleasure meeting you all

kita i love you <3

_(Konoha-san is offline)_

**Kita-san <3**

Okay.

That did not happened.

**You**

Good.

It didn't.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Oh to be Konoha...

I wished Kita-san said something to me too...

**Kita-san <3**

Are you okay, Osamu?

We've been talking since high school???

**My Onigiri Chef**

OMGOMGOMG

KITA-SAN KAHFKCHISILEFHSIG

I WILL BE PASSING AWAY TOO

_(My Onigiri Chef is offline)_

**TsumTsum <3**

he's stupid

i've always said it

but i am in fact the smarter twin

**Omi <3**

...

I don't like this.

It is supposed to be the dumb one.

But Osamu is not making it too easy.

**TsumTsum <3**

stop calling me it </3

**Komori**

They are escaping

It's just a way of them getting offline without looking suspicious or scared

Kita just gave them the reason to run away "smoothly"

**You**

For nothing.

When I figure out what exactly happened to Shouyou I'm hunting them down.

**Tobio-chan**

boke...

he's not okay, is he?

not that i care

**Tooru-san <3**

You are not slick Tobio-chan

**TsumTsum <3**

it doesn't matter

shouyou-kun is in danger

**Komori**

Stop being so exaggerated

He's probably fine

**Iwa-san <3**

But what if he's not?

**Komori**

Hence the probably

**Tobio-chan**

djkbaufwhuahfa;fo

**TsumTsum <3**

uwyrahncfpairisfnf

**You**

You are not helping Komori.

Look, he woke up.

Everything's fine.

_(You sent an attachment)_

**Omi <3**

His neck is NOT fine.

**Komori**

Oh wow

So Hinata is not the only one with animal complexes

Akaashi sweetie, you too

**Tooru-san <3**

WDYM ANIMAL COMPLEXES

WHAT DID CHIBI-CHAN DO

Nice hickeys tho ;)

Keiji-chan please do the same to me

**Tobio-chan**

oh so boke is fine

cool

**Komori**

Look at this guys

Akaashi sent it to our group chat when he woke up

_(Komori sent two attachments)_

**You**

...

**Iwa-san <3**

Oh God...

Are those fishnets???

What happened to them...

**TsumTsum**

shouyou-kun

shouyou-kun happened

LOOK AT KEIJI-KUN'S NECK AND SHOULDERS

**Omi <3**

What a mess...

**Kita-san <3**

I-

Love, can you move?

Are you okay?

Do you need help with cleaning your dorm?

Do you need pills?

**You**

Shin-chan. <3

I am okay, I promise.

But you are so oiahfubfh.

I will be passing away for personal reasons as well.

Shinsuke should be illegal.

**Tooru-san <3**

He is precious...

Shinsuke-chan, please date me

**Kita-san <3**

With all due respect and love, no. <3

**Iwa-san <3**

HAHAHAHAHAHA

SHITTYKAWA AHAHAAHAH

STUPID AJFAHGA HAHAHAHA

KITA YOU ARE THE BEST

**TsumTsum <3**

i'm having flashbacks

being rejected by kita-san is horrible but so good at the same time

**Omi <3**

I mean.

Kita would never date a creature like you, Miya. <3

**Komori**

Kiyoomi.

Be nice.

**Omi <3**

I'll be nice to anyone, but not to it.

It deserves it.

**TsumTsum <3**

...

this is too much for me

**You**

I shouldn't be laughing but this is funny.

Tooru being rejected by Shinsuke just brightened my day.

**Tooru-san <3**

You too Keiji-chan...?

I loved you...

**You**

Oh.

So you don't anymore...?

**Tobio-chan**

oh drama

please break up with him

please break up with him

please break up with him

then just seven more to go until keiji is single again

we are doing this one by one

please break up with him

please break up with him

please break up with him

**Tooru-san <3**

Tobio-chan, fuck you :)

BUT KEIJI I LOVE YOU

DO NOT LISTEN TO TOBIO-CHAN

I LOVE YOU A LOT

AND THAT'S WHY I'M OMW TO YOUR DORM TO KICK CHIBI-CHAN OUT AND SPEND THE DAY WITH YOU

Also, Shinsuke-chan ;(

It's okay, you'll fall for me one day

And then Keiji, you and me are going to be in an amazing relationship

Just you wait.

_(Tooru-san <3 is offline)_

**You**

...

**Kita-san <3**

I am scared.

**Omi <3**

Forget Oikawa.

I'm more concerned with what Kageyama said.

That brat.

**Tobio-chan**

who are u calling brat tho?

don't act like u're ten years older than me, sakusa-san

we are just one year apart

**Komori**

Kageyama, just hide at this point

**TsumTsum <3**

oh tobio-kun

it was nice meeting ya

actually no, it wasn't

**Iwa-san <3**

You all are just jealous Kageyama spends more time with Keiji than you do

**Tobio-chan**

that

jealousy is a disease, get well soon

**Komori**

Not Oikawa rubbing off on him...

**You**

Oh God...

Tobio, we are going back to Miwa.

You need a deep cleanse.

_(Konoha-san is online)_

_(My Onigiri Chef is online)_

**Konoha-san**

is everyone calmed now?

**My Onigiri Chef**

^

**You**

Definitely. :)

**My Onigiri Chef**

I guess not then...

It doesn't matter

Konoha, if you may

**Iwa-san <3**

Oh no...

I don't like this

**Omi <3**

These damn baboons.

**TsumTsum <3**

BABOONS-

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

**Omi <3**

I hope you know you are part of the group, creature.

**My Onigiri Chef**

HAHAHAHAH

Oh wait

He called me a baboon too...

**TsumTsum <3**

dumbass

**Kita-san <3**

Shut up you two.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Yes, Kita-san

**TsumTsum <3**

yes kita-san

**Tobio-chan**

KEIJI I HOPE U KNOW THEY THREATENED ME

I DIDN'T WANTED TO

BUT THEY SAID THEY WERE GONNA DO BAD THINGS TO ME

**You**

What...?

What did you two said to my cousin?

**Konoha-san**

well...

we needed information

and now we have it

i never thought you liked those type of guys akaashi

wait for kuroo to know about this

he's gonna go insane

**Omi <3**

So what are you talking about...?

Keiji's ex...?

**TsumTsum <3**

well duuuh

say the name

**You**

Do not say shit.

If any of you says anything your days will be counted.

I mean it, Konoha-san, Osamu, Tobio.

**Konoha-san**

...

i don't know dude but i don't want to die

i'll keep it to myself for now

**My Onigiri Chef**

Tsk

It hurts me but I agree

I still have lots to live for

**Tobio-chan**

same

**Komori**

Wait I want to know

**You**

...

I'll tell you

But later

**Komori**

Yaaay

**TsumTsum <3**

whaaaaaaat

i want to knooooow

keiji-kuuuuun

pleaaaaaase

**Iwa-san <3**

Please

**Omi <3**

...

Please.

**You**

No.

That's a story for another day.

**Kita-san <3**

I respect it if you don't want to say it, but I have to try.

Please tell us, love.

**My Onigiri Chef**

Oh shit...

**Konoha-san**

well...

**You**

...

I CAN'T SAY NO TO YOU.

I'LL TELL ONLY YOU LATER TOO.

**Iwa-san <3**

That lowkey hurts

But I can understand it

**Omi <3**

He'll tell me anyway.

Isn't that right, Keiji?

**You**

KIYOOMI NO.

NO.

NO.

**Omi <3**

Yes.

I'll see you tomorrow Keiji.

I love you.

_(Omi <3 is offline)_

**Komori**

I can't save you Akaashi

He made up his mind

I'm so sorry

**You**

I will be okay.

...

I will not be okay.

**TsumTsum <3**

uhgaubclawfgqlbcqf

WHY IS EVERYONE GETTING A PIECE OF KEIJI-KUN BUT I DON'T

**Tobio-chan**

maybe because u are ugly miya-san

**My Onigiri Chef**

HAHAHAHAHAH I'M SO SORRY BUT JAHDAHHAHAHHAH

KAGEYAMA LET'S GET MARRIED PLEASE

**Tobio-chan**

ew no

i'll marry keiji

i don't care what any of you say

we made a promise when we were kids

**You**

For fuck's sake.

Tobio, stop.

Don't say anything else.

**Konoha-san**

that's fucked up akaashi

marrying your cousin?

**Komori**

It's not that serious guys

Kiyoomi and I did a similar promise when we were little

But now he says he's ditching me to marry Akaashi

I get it, I'm not hurt

I would too tbh

AKBVJSBVSUEFI FUUUCK

HE SAW ISUHFNS

SAFDE MHE KALNFSKL

_(Komori is offline)_

**You**

Oh.

I'm marrying Kiyoomi?

That sounds nice.

**Kita-san <3**

No.

**Iwa-san <3**

No

**Tobio-chan**

no

**TsumTsum <3**

no

**Konoha-san**

i think it would be cute

i mean, it's gonna be the most expensive wedding ever

but that's the whole charm

**My Onigiri Chef**

Sadly I can't say it would be nice because ejemtwinbetrayalejem but yeah

**TsumTsum <3**

good ;)

**You**

Moving on.

I have to go.

Tooru is here and Shouyou and him are fighting about some Brazilian bullshit.

See you later guys.

I love you all a lot.

Take Osamu and Konoha-san out of the picture though, you two deserve no "I love you's" from me.

**Konoha-san**

damn </3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! what group chats do y'all want to see? like i have some here and there but if you guys want to see certain members in a certain group chat with a certain name then just say it, i'll do my best to fulfill every suggestion. with that said, i hope you enjoyed this chapter and i'm sorry it took me so long to upload.


	8. akaashi (likes) snakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after a quiet sunday, monday is back. unfortunately, the topic about akaashi's ex is back too. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do i like how this chapter turned out? no, but i hope you do :(

**the gang (?)**

_Tobio-chan, Miwa_

**You**

Good morning, family.

**Tobio-chan**

hi

**Miwa**

Long time no see, Keiji

Sometimes your cute ass forgets about me

**You**

Miss girl, I've been dealing with some stuff.

Kind of thinking of leaving the country.

**Tobio-chan**

yes, good

but i have to go with u

if im not included then u ain't going nowhere

**You**

...

**Miwa**

Oh wow, how dramatic

What happened now?

**Tobio-chan**

...

i take full responsibility

**You**

You should.

I'm surprised my Sunday was quiet, if we ignore Kiyoomi's visit of course.

**Miwa**

I'm curious

**Tobio-chan**

i might or might not said smth about keiji's ex

**Miwa**

...

THE ex?

Or like a random one?

**You**

Okay, wait.

What's wrong with you?

You are making it sound like I've been with like thirty people.

**Tobio-chan**

hjzsgxjhzsab

no

i wouldn't allow it

**Miwa**

Yeah, yeah

Spill the tea

I'm working you know?

**You**

Yes, and Tobio is supossed to be paying attention to his classes but here we are.

**Miwa**

You are supposed to be paying attention too...

**You**

Sure.

**Tobio-chan**

xjbwqjkdba

so like what happened?

who knows about snake-san?

because i just told miya-san 2 and konoha-san

**You**

Them, Komori, Kozume, and Shinsuke.

But I am suspecting Bokuto-san is going to know soon.

I just feel it.

**Miwa**

What about the fox boy?

He knows too

**You**

He does...?

**Tobio-chan**

he does???

i don't remember saying anything to suna-san

**Miwa**

I told him

He was asking all cute and I had to comply...

**You**

KAGEYAMA MIWA.

DGDAHDHAL.

THAT'S TREASON.

AND HOW DO YOU HAVE HIS NUMBER?

**Tobio-chan**

my bad

she threatened me

i think that's a thing now bc somehow everyone is threatening me everyday to get info about ur life

**You**

Tobio-chan, we are leaving.

Pack your stuff, I'll pay for everything.

**Tobio-chan**

keiji :')

**Miwa**

Hold on

Let's not be dramatic

It's just an ex

How bad could it be?

**You**

...

**Tobio-chan**

...

u don't know them

they are beasts

**You**

You know what? Miwa is right.

He's just my ex, and they can't do shit about it anymore because it's all in the past.

**Miwa**

There you go

The only one I can see freaking out is Tetsurou

**Tobio-chan**

yeah and oikawa-san too bc he likes the drama

maybe miya-san as well for the same reasons

**Miwa**

True

Shouyou is probably going to whine but that's about it

There's not much to worry about

Besides, Snake-kun and you are only friends now

**You**

Ujum.

**Tobio-chan**

"ujum"?

"UJUM"???

**You**

What?

I'm agreeing.

**Miwa**

You are?

Because that ujum is not that convincing...

**Tobio-chan**

^

**You**

You two need to chill.

I already have not only one but eight boyfriends.

**Tobio-chan**

im still waiting for the breakup reveal

**Miwa**

HAHAHAHAHHA

TOBIO WHAT

**You**

Ignore him.

He's never letting it go.

**Tobio-chan**

u bet im not

they dont deserve u

in fact no one does

**You**

That's actually very cute if you take it out of context.

Just for that I'll try to open up a whole day in my busy week for you, Tobio.

**Miwa**

Lucky brat

I want to hang out with you two as well

**Tobio-chan**

no <3

keiji said me, not you

sorry not sorry

**Miwa**

Wow, you really know how to be a gentleman

I'm telling mom

**You**

No one's telling auntie.

I don't want to see that glare of hers.

**Tobio-chan**

^

**Miwa**

Then behave yourselves

I'm the oldest here, I have control

**You**

Of course.

Now bye, I have to deal with my friends' snitching for the day.

They can't keep anything to themselves.

* * *

**best boyfriends ever**

_Kita-san <3, Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3, Tooru-san <3, Iwa-san <3, Omi <3, TsumTsum <3, Rin <3, Sho-chan <3_

_(Rin <3 changed the group's name to **"we hate snakes"** )_

**You**

No.

Stop it.

**Kita-san <3**

I just sit back and observe.

**You**

Shin-chan???

Is this the support I get?

**Kita-san <3**

<3

**Tooru-san <3**

WHAT IS GOING ON

WHY DO WE HATE SNAKES

WHAT'S HAPPENING

IWA-CHAN GET THE FORKS

WE ARE HUNTING SNAKES TODAY

**Iwa-san <3**

???

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

I mean, I've always hated snakes

There's one specifically

I hate that man

**Kita-san <3**

Hehe

**You**

What the fuck?

Who did this to Shinsuke?

Who was it?

**Sho-chan <3**

oikawa-san

**Omi <3**

Oikawa.

**TsumTsum <3**

tooru-kun

**Rin <3**

oikawa

**Iwa-san <3**

Oikawa

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Oikawa

**Kita-san <3**

Oikawa.

**Tooru-san <3**

Me ;)

Wait...

NO

NOT ME

**You**

:)

**Rin <3**

who cares about kita-san change of personality

we have more important things to talk about

snakes and ex's, to be more specific

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Snakes you say?

Keiji, no.

**You**

I'm leaving.

Suna, say whatever you want.

You know what? I'm going with THE snake.

**TsumTsum <3**

wait no

keiji-kun are you mad?

**Omi <3**

Brat.

He's not mad, he's playing the victim so you all forget about the topic.

**Tooru-san <3**

Sneaky, sneaky ;)

**You**

Oh wow.

I don't like this.

Kiyoomi, we need to talk.

**Omi <3**

Cool, your dorm or mine?

**You**

Yeah, maybe not...

You do you, I love you.

**Omi <3**

Thought so.

**Sho-chan <3**

is this what i think it is?

did omi-san just made akaashi-san back down?

IS THIS WHAT TOTAL SUBMISSION MEANS?

**Rin <3**

hey now i want that too

**You**

Sure, keep your pretty mouth shut and you'll get it.

**Rin <3**

suddenly i don't remember what i wanted to talk about

how bizarre

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Oh no Suna

You are going to talk

**You**

No he's not.

And I advise you to forget it as well.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

My hair is down.

**You**

Giving it a second thought, please say whatever you want Tetsu-chan. <3

**Sho-chan <3**

DOUBLE SUBMISSION?

OMI-SAN AND KUROO-SAN???

**TsumTsum <3**

ohgodohgodohgod

**Iwa-san <3**

Wait, you all are acting sus

Didn't Keiji listened to you before?

**Tooru-san <3**

UM NO

YOU ARE SPECIAL IWA-CHAN

I BLAME THOSE DAMN ARMS

**You**

He's right, it's all the arms.

I can't help it.

**Sho-chan <3**

TRIPLE SUBMISSION

IWAIZUMI-SAN, OMI-SAN AND KUROO-SAN

**You**

Shouyou, please.

It's not that big of a deal.

**TsumTsum <3**

actually it is keiji-kun

**You**

No it's not.

**TsumTsum <3**

u promised me smth keiji-kun

if u don't want it to happen sooner rather than later then u should agree to what i say

**You**

...

Yes, 'Tsumu.

**Sho-chan <3**

QUADRUPLE SUBMISSION

ATSUMU-SAN, OMI-SAN, KUROO-SAN AND IWAIZUMI-SAN

**Tooru-san <3**

I want it too

**You**

No. <3

**Tooru-san <3**

Oh so that lingerie shopping we were going to do the other day...

**You**

Tooru, darling, I love you and I, Akaashi Keiji, submit to your every desire.

Please do not make me go lingerie shopping, I'm begging you.

**Tooru-san <3**

Hehe ;)

**Sho-chan <3**

QUINTUPLE SUBMISSION

EVERYONE BUT KITA-SAN, SUNA-SAN AND ME

**Kita-san <3**

You are wrong, Hinata.

Love, do you remember what I was whispering to you the other day?

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

On Thursday...?

**Tooru-san <3**

The day Kou-chan was about to die by being thrown down the stairs...?

**You**

...

Hereby I, Akaashi Keiji, sentence myself as a compliant individual who is willing to answer any questions about his past and do whatever he is capable of.

Please do not abuse this state of his persona sincerely brought to you by Kita Shinsuke and his magic to make his knees weak.

You may start. <3

**TsumTsum <3**

wtf...

this is a free out of jail card...

we can...

**Omi <3**

Shut up, creature.

Let me do the talking.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

I agree

Sakusa or Kita are the best to ask intelligent questions

Oikawa and I can help too

**Iwa-san <3**

Yes

We can get all possible information

**Tooru-san <3**

Oh yeah

**Sho-chan <3**

COMPLETE SUBMISSON

K.O

**Rin <3**

hinata that's enough

**Sho-chan <3**

sorry suna-san <3

**Omi <3**

Moving on.

First question.

Who is/are the favorite/s?

**You**

I'm not including Shinsuke because we all know he is above human comprehension.

But I have to say Rin and Shouyou.

Kiyoomi is getting there though.

Next question.

**Iwa-san <3**

This hurts a bit

**Tooru-san <3**

^

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

We just have to work harder guys

**TsumTsum <3**

just wait till i get alone time with keiji-kun

**Kita-san <3**

Next question.

Who satisfies you the most?

I need to know who I have to top when my turn arrives.

**Rin <3**

...

kita-san...

this is betrayal...

**TsumTsum <3**

^

**Tooru-san <3**

Shinsuke-chan...

You learned so well...

**Sho-chan <3**

oh so kita-san is getting his game on

hehe :)

**You**

That question has no concrete answer.

But if I had to choose I would say either Tooru or Atsumu.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

But why...?

**Iwa-san <3**

I feel offended right now

**TsumTsum <3**

get in ur place losers HAHA

**Omi <3**

YOU get in your place, creature.

**TsumTsum <3**

...

**Tooru-san <3**

HA the praise feels good

**Rin <3**

no one is praising you...?

**Sho-chan <3**

he thinks differently

**Tooru-san <3**

Next question

Who's the best at making your knees weak besides Shinsuke-chan?

**You**

Tetsurou and Hajime.

**Iwa-san <3**

Hehehehe

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Ah the power I hold

**Kita-san <3**

You are second place though.

**TsumTsum <3**

HAHAHHAHHAAHH

KITA-SAN IS NOT PLAYING ANYMORE

**Rin <3**

damn

**Omi <3**

I'm not sure I'm enjoying these confessions.

**Sho-chan <3**

yeah same

i only liked the first question

**Tooru-san <3**

Knjnsadcoa

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Next question

Who's the mysterious ex?

**You**

Daishou Suguru, junior year.

Nohebi grad student.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

NO

NOOOOO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

MY BIGGEST NIGHTMARE BECAME REALITY

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**Tooru-san <3**

WHAT

NOOOOOOOOO

**Sho-chan <3**

kenma hates him so...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**TsumTsum <3**

and he is...?

**Omi <3**

...?

**Iwa-san <3**

...?

**Kita-san <3**

He's Kuroo's eternal enemy.

They've been beefing since high school.

Apparently Daishou actually won their competition.

They both agreed to win Keiji's heart and whoever did it first was the winner.

Up to this day, Kuroo always thought he was the winner but no.

Daishou kept it all to himself just to see the despair on Kuroo's face when he figured it out.

**Rin <3**

also, even though daishou wasn't keiji's first he was one of the most impactful in his life

their breakup was incredibly smooth, as it was a mutual agreement

but before keiji started dating us he had some things here and there with daishou still

like little friendly encounters

**You**

Hold on.

Wait a damn minute.

Hold your damn horses.

How exactly do you two know all this?

**Kita-san <3**

Kageyama Miwa.

**Rin <3**

kageyama miwa

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

I-

No, I refuse to believe this

If you all excuse me, I'm going to go cry to Kenma now

Have a nice day

_(Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3 is offline)_

**Tooru-san <3**

Tetsu-chan...

Keiji-chan, baby, once your teacher lets you go for your break meet me at Kenma's dorm

I'll tell Kou-chan too

Even though Kenma is not there yet because of classes Tetsu-chan is still going to wait for him there

_(Tooru-san <3 is offline)_

**You**

Great.

I knew this was going to happen.

**TsumTsum <3**

ok but they're being a lil dramatic

**Iwa-san <3**

I mean, yes but think of it like this

Imagine Kageyama wasn't Keiji's cousin but instead his ex and you figure it out just like Kuroo did

**TsumTsum <3**

oh

i would've cried in the bathroom

**Rin <3**

you cry in the bathroom anyway

that's your thing

**Sho-chan <3**

really atsumu-san?

that's fucked up

**You**

Enough for today, I think we all have to pay attention to our classes now.

**Omi <3**

Um no.

Not yet.

I still have some questions.

**Kita-san <3**

We should wait for everyone in order to ask more questions.

**Omi <3**

Tsk.  
  


* * *

**we are all single, but akaashi**

_Bokuto-san, Konoha-san, My Onigiri Chef, MY Kozume, Komori_

**MY Kozume**

_@You_

seriously?

i'm busy and i get a call from kuroo ranting about daishou?

hell no.

you deal with your boyfriend.

i don't care if it's in my dorm, but you do it.

**Konoha-san**

OH SO THE BOMB JUST DROPPED

**My Onigiri Chef**

And it wasn't me HAHAHAHHA

**Komori**

Oh no

Is everything ok, Akaashi?

**Bokuto-san**

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU DATED DAISHOU KAASHI

THAT'S BETRAYAL JUST SO YOU KNOW

**You**

Yeah, yeah.

Are you on your way to Kozume's dorm?

**Bokuto-san**

OF COURSE KAASHI

I AM MY BRO'S EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ALONG WITH OIKAWA AND KENMA

AND YOU OBVIOUSLY

SO ESCAPE YOUR CLASS AND COME OVER TOO

**Komori**

There are just 5 minutes left for break to start

DO NOT escape your class Akaashi

**You**

I won't, don't worry.

But I do have to go to Kozume's dorm.

**MY Kozume**

yeah, you do.

i am not going.

i don't want to see kuroo crying again.

**Konoha-san**

i'm still debating whether he means it in a lovely type of way or not...

**My Onigiri Chef**

Who knows

Soooo

What were the reactions?

**You**

Nothing big.

Most didn't know who he was.

But Tetsurou...

**Bokuto-san**

KAASHI YOU NEED TOO CUDDLE HIM A LOT

OKAY?

**You**

Okay, I promise.

**Bokuto-san**

GOOD

THEN SEE YOU IN A BIT

_(Bokuto-san is offline)_

**MY Kozume**

hm.

fine.

i'll go too.

**Komori**

There you go

Supporting your best friend is important

**MY Kozume**

yeah.

he's a crybaby but he's still my best friend.

besides.

i can now give him hell about it.

**You**

That's mean, Kozume.

**MY Kozume**

you are meaner by letting him believe he won your heart before daishou did.

**You**

Right...

**Konoha-san**

yeah this is not juicy

**My Onigiri Chef**

Nor spicy

**Komori**

I KNOW WHAT YOU TWO WANT TO DO AND DON'T

DO NOT DO IT

**You**

Istg.

Konoha-san, Osamu, if you do it...

**My Onigiri Chef**

Oops, too late

* * *

**tea, tea, tea**

_My Onigiri Chef, Konoha-san, Komori, Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3, MY Kozume, Bokuto-san, Tooru-san <3, Daishou-san_

**Konoha-san**

welcome, welcome

**My Onigiri Chef**

This is the official group chat for tea

**Konoha-san**

and today we are premiering "akaashi likes snakes"

**My Onigiri Chef**

Our main characters are Akaashi Keiji, Kuroo Tetsurou, and Daishou Suguru

**Konoha-san**

please enjoy the show

**You**

...

You rehearsed that, right? :)

**Komori**

Of course they did

**MY Kozume**

i hate it here.

**Daishou-san**

I'm confused here

**You**

Welcome to the club.

**Daishou-san**

Keiji <3

**You**

Hello, Daishou-san.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

OH HELL NO

**Tooru-san <3**

EJEM

RESPECT, SNAKE-CHAN

HIS BOYFRIEND IS HERE

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

You mean "boyfriends", right?

**Tooru-san <3**

...

Um, yeah, that

**Komori**

Chill

He just said hi

**Daishou-san**

Yeah...

Oh well

Does that mean he knows?

**You**

Yes.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

NO WAIT SHUSH

I AM THE ONE WHO'S GOING TO TALK NOW

THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE

HOW, WHEN, WHY

IT MAKES NO SENSE

I MEAN WHY DAISHOU?

WHY HIM?

HE'S SO... AGH

**Daishou-san**

Honey, you are the one who's "agh"

Learn how to differentiate ranks

**Tooru-san <3**

WAIT HAHAHAHAHA

I'M SORRY BUT

HHAHAHJDHJADHJADJA

**Bokuto-san**

oikawa not cool

YOU GO KUROO

**MY Kozume**

no, you are not "going".

you are not fighting daishou for such a silly thing.

the man won fair and square.

**You**

Kozume, you are not helping.

**My Onigiri Chef**

This is great

**Konoha-san**

damn right

**Daishou-san**

Anyway, when are we meeting up, Keiji?

**You**

If you're not busy later then we could meet today.

**Daishou-san**

K ;)

**Tooru-san <3**

NOW WAIT A DAMN MINUTE

MEETING UP???

I THINK THE FUCK NOT YOU TRICK ASS BITCH

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

AGUFGDBALJHD

AKAASHI KEIJI

**Konoha-san**

this is way better than i thought

osamu good job

**My Onigiri Chef**

HAHAHAHJAHHAJDHAHJAHDHAD

**Komori**

I'm taking your phones away

**Bokuto-san**

WHAT IS GOING ON

**Daishou-san**

Who knows

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

YOU DO KNOW

STAY AWAY FROM KEIJI

**Tooru-san <3**

YEAH

AWAY

**You**

Guys.

We have a project together.

**Konoha-san**

and the plot keeps getting thicker and thicker...

**MY Kozume**

shut the fuck up.

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

Shut the fuck up

**Komori**

Shut the fuck up

**You**

Shut the fuck up.

**Tooru-san <3**

Shut the fuck up

**My Onigiri Chef**

Oh wow how rude

**Konoha-san**

right???

**Daishou-san**

Well, whatever

See you later, Keiji <3

_(Daishou-san left the group)_

**Pain in the ass Kuroo-san <3**

NOT THE HEART

**Tooru-san <3**

NOT THE HEART

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i'm really sorry for the wait. i am slowly but surely staying out of ideas and i don't want that because i genuinely enjoy writing this. if you guys have any ideas or something you want to see please leave it down in the comments or my twitter. thanks for reading btw and i hope you liked it!  
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/sunakinnie_)


	9. the (struggle) of spying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oikawa and the rest try their luck by spying on akaashi. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ProfessorPocky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProfessorPocky/pseuds/ProfessorPocky) is always spoiling me with great ideas, so why not use them? <3
> 
> also, i decided to have a change of pov for this chapter because you always see everything from akaashi's phone. please tell me if you guys like it and if i should keep changing the pov once in a while.

**keiji's simps <3**

_Tetsu-chan, Bestie <3, MY Shin-chan (future bf), Kiyo-chan, Nuisance :), Foxy-chan, Chibi-chan_

**You**

I'm still surprised Keiji-chan is not aware of this chat

**Kiyo-chan**

That's the whole point.

**Nuisance :)**

no need to be so stiff, omi-kun jeez

**Foxy-chan**

shut up atsumu

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

Be nice, Suna.

And Atsumu, shut up.

**Tetsu-chan**

BUAHAHAHAHAHAH

Wait no

I'm not supposed to be laughing

GENTLEMEN WE HAVE AN ISSUE TO ADDRESS

**Bestie <3**

Just spit it out

**Chibi-chan**

um kuroo-san? are u done in my dorm?

i need to grab smth

**You**

Chibi-chan fuck off

Keiji is giving Tetsu-chan cuddles

So cute to see

**Bestie <3**

Oikawa

You all are risking it

If Keiji sees this chat then we're done for

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

Yes.

Especially the whole skirt day conversation.

He sees that and well...

**Nuisance :)**

kita-san u are safe

it doesn't matter what u do

**Foxy-chan**

i find that extremely unfair

but understandable

**Kiyo-chan**

It's called pretty privileges.

Something none of you have.

**You**

Oh my God

Imagine someone sitting home mumbling and cackling instead of paying ain't mf bills

**Chibi-chan**

BOOM

**Foxy-chan**

y'all mumbling and cackling???

y'all sending group text messages about the mf queen while the queen is in the mf stu???

**Tetsu-chan**

*cocks gun repeatedly*

**Bestie <3**

Put the gun down

Put the gun down

Put the gun down

**Nuisance :)**

while the queen is pulling her fucking empire bigger and better than before???

**You**

Put the gun down

Put the gun down

Put the gun down

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

HAHA.

**Chibi-chan**

*gun shots intensify*

**Foxy-chan**

put the gun down

put the gun down

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

I NEED YOU PEASANTS.

I NEED YOU FUCKING PEASANTS.

**Tetsu-chan**

She's on a roll

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

You fucking peasants.

**Bestie <3**

Pick my fucking food at ho

**Chibi-chan**

BOOM

**Kiyo-chan**

The fuck you laughing at?

BROKE PEOPLE SHOULD NEVER LAUGH.

Now hold on...

**You**

HAHASJDHAHJD

KIYO-CHAN JHAHAA

THAT LINE WAS PERFECT FOR YOU

**Kiyo-chan**

Yes, that's why I waited.

Duh.

**Chibi-chan**

that was fun

let's do another one

**Foxy-chan**

bet

hey hey i'm talking!

**Nuisance :)**

okay my apologies... miss girl

**You**

Miss who???

*owl sounds*

**Tetsu-chan**

I'm sorr-

**Bestie <3**

She not a gurl, it's miss Touluur

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

It's JUDGE Toler

**Kiyo-chan**

Judge Toeleur periodt.

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

Be quiet.

I have a question...

**You**

HAHABJAHSDJAB

I LOVE THIS CHAT SO MUCH

I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH

Not you _@Nuisance :)_ though, I hate your nerves.

**Kiyo-chan**

First time we agree on something.

**Nuisance :)**

they ask u how u are and u just have to say that u're fine when u are not really fine but u just can't get into it because they would never understand...

**Chibi-chan**

*sad piano playing in the background*

**Foxy-chan**

fucking dramatic

accept the truth

**Nuisance :)**

bitch </3

**Foxy-chan**

excuse me but...

if you call me a bitch make sure you put baddest in front of it, wackass hoe

**Tetsu-chan**

YUUUH

Get it I guess

**Bestie <3**

I think that's enough

**Chibi-chan**

:(

kuroo-san

you said we had issues to discuss

**You**

Ah yes

The thing is that Keiij-chan is meeting Snake-chan after classes are over

**Foxy-chan**

oh hell nah-

don't let him go

he ain't meeting that sorry excuse of a salty snake

**Nuisance :)**

^

**Kiyo-chan**

You all do know he is his own person and can meet with his friends, right?

**Tetsu-chan**

Are you forgetting Daishou is his ex?

**Kiyo-chan**

...

Oh hell no.

Grab him, restrain him, keep him in check.

He is NOT meeting no ex.

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

I-

That's extreme.

If you guys are so worried why not spy on them?

**You**

SHINSUKE-CHAN

YOU ARE A MF GENIUS

I KNEW YOU WERE PERFECT BUT DAMN

PLEASE MARRY ME

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

No. <3

My grandma said I had to marry someone nice, you are not it.

**Nuisance :)**

HAHHAHHADJHAJ

I LOVE HOW KITA-SAN HURTS PEOPLE'S FEELINGS WITHOUT EVEN TRYING

he hurt mine once...

**Kiyo-chan**

Literally no one gives a fuck.

**Foxy-chan**

^

**You**

^

**Chibi-chan**

guys

there's no need to be so mean to atsumu-san

keep it up ;)

**Nuisance :)**

shouyou-kun...

i hate it here

_(Nuisance :) left the group)_

**You**

I'm not adding him back

**Bestie <3**

Ffs

I am

_(Bestie <3 added @Nuisance :) to the group)_

**Tetsu-chan**

GUYS ENOUGH

Classes are starting again

Keiji just left for his with Kenma

That means the time is approaching...

**Kiyo-chan**

Dramatic much.

Listen, let's do what Kita said.

**Chibi-chan**

yes

that way we can protect akaashi-san

**You**

OH NAH WE GOTTA GO

KEIJI-CHAN JUST TEXTED ME

**Bestie <3**

I said you all were risking it

Keiji for sure saw the chat

**You**

Shush Iwa-chan

Lemme see what he said

* * *

**private messages with _The Love of My Life <3_**

Tooru, I know we were just together right now but I couldn't say this in front of everyone.

What's wrong?

Um well.

You know how you wanted to go lingerie shopping...?

Ohohoh I'm interested

Keep going

Well, I did the work for you.

I had some free time so I went online shopping.

It's just a matter of time before everything gets here.

Keiji-chan...

You sure know how to turn a man on

Duh, I'm a man too.

Oh and I bought those matching anklets you wanted.

And that best friends t-shirt you and Hajime were fighting about.

Let him know. <3

BABY I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME

HOW ARE YOU SO JBAHJBDJHQJKHDB

BEST BOYFRIEND EVER

I love you too, Tooru.

Are you free tonight?

For you, always ;)

No-

It's not for that.

I thought we could do more online shopping, but together.

I know you like it.

Ok, I'll like that.

But can we end the night with...?

Let's see. :)

If you are good, maybe.

BUT shopping first.

Kozume is bugging me to use his credit card and if I keep refusing he might end up buying all.

I-

Thank the Gods for Kenma

We'll use his credit card for some good things

That's all he wants.

Well, see you later Tooru.

Enjoy your classes, don't stress yourself too much and remember I love you.

:')

I love you too, baby <3

* * *

**private messages with _Bestie <3_**

Iwa-chan

Keiji bought us the best friends t-shirt I wanted

He told me to tell you

I-

Wait what???

I thought we moved on from that

Now I have to wear it because Keiji bought it

Yeah <3

I think that was his intention

He saw how hurt I was when you said we were not buying that

Be grateful for Keiji

He's the only reason why I'll wear matching t-shirts with you

And also because you love me deep down

Yeah

Also because I love you deep down

Now leave me alone, I just entered my class

_(Bestie <3 is offline)_

Yes, Iwa-chan <3

* * *

**keiji's simps <3**

_Tetsu-chan, Bestie <3, MY Shin-chan (future bf), Kiyo-chan, Nuisance :), Foxy-chan, Chibi-chan_

**You**

Ok, guys

There was nothing to worry about

**Tetsu-chan**

What did he say?

**You**

He just wanted to talk about some stuff

Nothing that concerns any of you, that is <3

**Nuisance :)**

that sounds so passive-aggressive

jeez

**Kiyo-chan**

Shut up.

So.

Are we spying on him or not?

**You**

Yes

And I know who to ask to get the details about where exactly they are meeting up without Keiji getting sus

**Foxy-chan**

make yourself useful and ask

**Chibi-chan**

jeez

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

Why is it so difficult for y'all to be nice?

Oikawa, please get the information we need.

**You**

Thank you, Shinsuke-chan

You are an angel

Ok, brb

* * *

**seijoh past third years <3**

_Bestie <3, Makki, Mattsun_

**You**

Hey besties

**Makki**

U want smth

What is it?

**Mattsun**

He only talks here when that's the case

**You**

I-

Um that's not true

Anyways

You guys know Daishou Suguru, right?

**Mattsun**

Yes, we share some classes here and there

**Makki**

I know where this is going

I'm friends with Akaashi, u know?

U want to know where and when exactly Daishou and him are meeting up

**You**

...

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS KNOW EVERYTHING

**Makki**

It's quite obvious

Besides, Iwaizumi was talking about Daishou earlier

**You**

He was?

**Mattsun**

Yeah

He was ranting

He even started scratching his head like a demonic dog

**You**

JAJSHCBHDHAHHA

You should've recorded that

**Makki**

I did

_(Makki sent an attachment)_

**You**

HJABHHAHJJAHHJHJABA

IWA-CHAN

**Makki**

Anyway, here

They are meeting right after classes are over in the back row of the library

**You**

Why the back row...?

That's just used for hookups or if you REALLY value your privacy

**Makki**

Dunno man

I guess they want privacy to catch up

**Mattsun**

You are making it worse...

**You**

PRIVACY YOU SAY

OH HELL NO

ANYWAY THANK U MAKKI, MATTSUN

**Makki**

Poor Akaashi

**Mattsun**

The poor guy is going to have a long day

**You**

Oh shut up

Wait for Iwa-chan to see this

_(You took a screenshot)_

* * *

**keiji's simps <3**

_Tetsu-chan, Bestie <3, MY Shin-chan (future bf), Kiyo-chan, Nuisance :), Foxy-chan, Chibi-chan_

_(You sent an attachment)_

**Tetsu-chan**

AYO WHAT

NOT THE BACK ROW

**Kiyo-chan**

Uh uh, no.

Fuck that.

**Foxy-chan**

what the fuck

privacy-

no

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

I'm sorry but the back row is the dirtiest part of the library...

I can't let Keiji breathe the contaminated air in there.

**Kiyo-chan**

^

Preach.

**Chibi-chan**

jdjcdkykycdkyckyfhv

**Nuisance :)**

what if keiji-kun...?

**You**

...

I never found you funny, I never found you entertaining, I never found you smart, I just found you annoying

Don't put ideas in my head

Keiji-chan would NEVER

**Tetsu-chan**

It's not the time

Are you guys analyzing in how much trouble we are?

Keiji is not leaving Kita, that's for sure, but the rest of us...

**Kiyo-chan**

Stfu.

Hear me out.

Keiji is not leaving us.

Why would he?

He reminds all of us everyday he loves us.

Why would he break up with us just like that?

**Chibi-chan**

because men

**Foxy-chan**

what the fuck

that's not a logical reason

and you are a man too

_(Bestie <3 is online)_

**Bestie <3**

Listen up you dumb fucks

We'll talk about this later, right now focus on your classes

Keiji is NOT cheating NOR leaving us

Chill the fuck out and leave

_(Everyone is offline)_

* * *

**private messages with** _**The Love of My Life <3** _

Baby

Are you doing something now?

Or can we meet up?

I'm sorry Tooru.

I'm meeting up with Daishou-san.

Remember? I said it earlier.

Oh, right

Where are you guys seeing each other?

The library...?

Why?

I hope none of you is planning to spy on me because I swear to God.

What? No auhdagjd

Why would we do that?

That's just stupid

Darling, I know you all.

I know how you think.

And I know you are up to something.

Tetsurou and you were texting like crazy earlier, that only brings problems.

Wait...

You are not going to ask about that?

No, should I?

I don't think you are doing anything wrong and you are adults.

You need your privacy too, I don't have to know who you are texting 24/7.

And what if we were texting some other boyfriend of ours?

...

But you were not, right...?

Um no

:)

I mean, I guess it would be fine.

It's not fair I can have more than one and you can't.

I would like a heads-up though, to prepare myself to share you with someone else.

BABE NO

I JUST LOVE YOU

I DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE

Well, just Shinsuke-chan but that's an universal desire.

Even though is selfish, I'm glad that's the case.

And you are not getting Shinsuke.

He's the only one I'll fight you for.

Rude-

But eventually you'll understand how great a relationship between the three of us would be

Picture this

The three of us in your dorm

You are pinned to the bed and Shinsuke-chan and I are on top of you

...

SHUT UP.

I can't do this right now.

I'm supposed to do a project now, not get horny.

Hheheh

You could always ditch your ex and give me attention instead...

Are you insinuating...?

Are you in the mood for me to...?

Like really...?

Yes

Oikawa Tooru, you are playing dirty.

Hold that thought.

I'll finish this as fast as I can.

Nah, that doesn't work for me

Is now or never

DARLING

No

Hjkhsauhfeoushn.

I'm sorry but I can't just leave this project for later.

It's fine, I'll make you submit.

Olidaihihfjnes

Is that a promise?

What will you do?

It's a promise.

And I can't tell you.

I guess online shopping will go after I have you screaming.

See you in a bit, darling. ;)

WAIT KEIJI

WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

HEY

_(The Love of My Life <3 is offline)_

HEEEEY

WDYM BY THAT

I AM SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE MAKING YOU SCREAM

KUHFUHAHEFIEFU

Fine, I accept my destiny :'(

* * *

**private messages with _MY Shin-chan (future bf)_**

Hey there stranger ;)

I have business to discuss

No you don't.

Um yes I do

Listen beautiful, we have to team up

Why?

Because I might or might not gave some mental images to Keiji about the two of us doing whatever we want to him.

And that concerns me how...?

Hello???

THAT MEANS SEX

I'm pretty sure that's obvious.

But my first time with Keiji is not going to be a threesome.

Come next time. <3

Understandable

But does that mean you'll be up for it one day?

Perhaps.

DOES THAT MEAN YOU LIKE ME ALREADY?

Damn, this was easier than I thought

...?

Honey, no.

I don't like you.

I just like Keiji.

I'm a one man type of guy.

Why are you so difficult Shinsuke-chan? :(

I'm not difficult.

YES YOU ARE.

* * *

**keiji's simps <3**

_Tetsu-chan, Bestie <3, MY Shin-chan (future bf), Kiyo-chan, Nuisance :), Foxy-chan, Chibi-chan_

**You**

Ok, it's time people

I asked Keiji what he was doing to see if he was going to lie to me but it was the opposite

He told me everything

**Nuisance :)**

that's good

but does it mean we are still spying on him?

**Foxy-chan**

well duh

but we have to organize ourselves first

**You**

Can you guys listen to me for a damn second?

I'm not finished

**Kiyo-chan**

Go on.

**You**

He's getting suspicious

He knows we are planning something

He even said that he hoped we were not planning on spying on him

**Tetsu-chan**

Why is he so smart?

He's going to be on the lookout

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

Yes, let's not do what his friends and Suna did when they spied on me.

**Foxy-chan**

let's not talk about it

move on, it never happened

**Chibi-chan**

what are we going to do then?

**Bestie <3**

We can't be all together

Let's divide in teams

**You**

Good idea

**Tetsu-chan**

What are the teams?

**Bestie <3**

Oikawa and me

You and Hinata

Sakusa and Atsumu

Kita and Suna

**Kiyo-chan**

I object.

**Nuisance :)**

omi-kun, we are besties

what's wrong with u

**Besties <3**

Listen, we need someone to control the troublemakers

That's why I divided us like that

You can control Atsumu

Kita can control Suna

Kuroo can control Hinata

And I can control Oikawa

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

Makes sense.

I'm okay with it.

**You**

Me too

**Tetsu-chan**

Same

**Chibi-chan**

^

**Foxy-chan**

yeah

**Nuisance :)**

ujum

**Kiyo-chan**

No.

No.

No.

**You**

Do you want to leave Keiji-chan alone with Snake-chan?

**Kiyo-chan**

Fine.

But Miya, I'm warning you.

**Nuisance :)**

i still don't get why y'all hate me so much

**Tetsu-chan**

I don't

You are pretty decent compared to Daishou

**Foxy-chan**

your standards are pretty low then

**Besties <3**

Guys, focus

Keiji. Library. Daishou

**You**

Yes

Let's get Keiji's friends in a group chat

**Chibi-chan**

smart

they always know everything

* * *

**mission: spy on keiji and daishou**

_MY Shin-chan (future bf), Bestie <3, Nuisance :), Keiji's friend 1, Nuisance 2, Kou-chan, Foxy-chan, Chibi-chan, Tetsu-chan, Kiyo-chan, Walking credit card, Kiyo-chan's cuz_

**Keiji's friend 1**

HAHAHAHA

I TOLD U GUYS

GIVE ME MY MONEY

**Kiyo-chan's cuz**

Fair enough

**Nuisance 2**

I knew they were dumb but damn

**Nuisance :)**

who are u calling dumb, samu?

**Nuisance 2**

You, now leave me alone

**Walking credit card**

i don't have time for this

what are daishou and akaashi gonna do?

kiss? hug? get back together?

**Tetsu-chan**

THAT'S THE THING

WE CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN KENMA

**Walking credit card**

kuroo bye.

if akaashi gets back together with him i might as well kill him.

**Kiyo-chan**

Good thinking.

**Kou-chan**

HEY HEY HEY

ARE WE GOING TO SPY ON KAASHI?

**Bestie <3**

No, you're not

We, as in his boyfriends, are

**Kou-chan**

as kaashi's unofficial bf i should too

**You**

Kou-chan, no

We got this

**Keiji's friend 1**

i'm sorry to burst ur bubble but how many bucks u're going to get caught?

**Foxy-chan**

shut up

we got this

**Kiyo-chan's cuz**

Sunarin, you shouldn't be talking

We got caught last time because of you

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

That's why I'm the one who's his partner.

**Kou-chan**

so lucky

**Nuisance 2**

^

**Kiyo-chan's cuz**

^

**You**

^

**Keiji's friend 1**

^

**Walking credit card**

^

**Kiyo-chan**

Focus.

I'm already suffering here having Atsumu around me.

**Nuisance :)**

don't be a liar omi-kun

u laughed at my joke just now

**You**

...

That's a low Kiyo-chan

**Foxy-chan**

damn

never thought i would see the day sakusa went so low

**Kiyo-chan**

IT WAS ONE JOKE.

**Nuisance 2**

Disgusting

Sakusa, I'm praying for your soul

**Bestie <3**

Shut up already

We have our eyes on Keiji

He's alone as of now and walking

**Tetsu-chan**

Chibi-chan and I are on the library

Hidden ofc

**Chibi-chan**

yeees

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

Well um, I'm trying to get Suna to move.

**You**

What?

**Foxy-chan**

im trying okay?

**Keiji's friend 1**

this is comedy

i love this

**Kou-chan**

kaashi is gonna get mad mad

and im going to clean my hands :)

**Kiyo-chan's cuz**

Nice

I'm not part of this either

It was all them, Konoha and Osamu

**Walking credit card**

that's right.

so bye losers.

good luck i guess.

_(Walking credit card left the group)_

**You**

Oh wow

How supportive

**Kiyo-chan's cuz**

I want to see how this ends but if Akaashi finds out I don't want to be part of this group

Good luck <3

Oh and Kiyoomi, that thing you bought for Akaashi arrived

_(Kiyo-chan's cuz left the group)_

**Tetsu-chan**

Another gift?

Damn

**Kiyo-chan**

Shut up.

Don't say a thing to Keiji.

**Nuisance 2**

Sometimes I want to be Akaashi but then I think things through

**Kou-chan**

that's great

now i'm leaving too

good luck kuroo, oikawa, hinata, kita <3

_(Kou-chan left the group)_

**Foxy-chan**

what about the rest of us...?

**Bestie <3**

Dunno

**Tetsu-chan**

AYO AYO

DAISHOU IS HERE

**You**

KEIJI IS GETTING CLOSE TO THE LIBRARY

Well wait, he looks quite nice from behind here

**Nuisance :)**

send a pic

im curious

**Foxy-chan**

^

_(You sent an attachment)_

**Keiji's friend 1**

AKAASHI IS SO PRETTY ON GOD

HIS BODY LOOKS PERFECT EVEN CLOTHED

**Kiyo-chan**

Excuse me.

Who are you and why are you suggesting you've seen Keiji naked?

**Chibi-chan**

that's konoha-san

and i'm not sure why exactly he's suggesting that  
  


**Nuisance 2**

Really?

I thought y'all knew

Here, I have a screenshot explaining it

_(Nuisance 2 sent an attachment)_

**Tetsu-chan**

Naked model walks?

**Nuisance :)**

wowowow

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

Um what the fuck.

**Keiji's friend 1**

jeez guys no need to be so jealous

i know y'all want to be me

**You**

It hurts me, but yes I do

I want Keiji modeling for me too wtf

**Bestie <3**

AGAIN focus

**Foxy-chan**

yeah, focus guys

what's wrong with y'all

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

Suna, please shut up.

I had to drag you to the library.

**Foxy-chan**

shhhh

**Chibi-chan**

911 911 911 911

AKAASHI-SAN ENTERED THE LIBRARY

HE'S GETTING AWFULLY CLOSE TO DAISHOU-SAN

**You**

CHIBI-CHAN I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY IT

WTF

**Tetsu-chan**

SHUT UP

IT WAS MY MOMENT TO SHINE

**Bestie <3**

Ejem

**Kiyo-chan**

Useless.

I managed to find a perfect spot.

I can see everything from here.

**Nuisance :)**

u mean WE right???

**Kiyo-chan**

Yeah, that.

**Keiji's friend 1**

k so what exactly is happening

describe people, use ur words

**Bestie <3**

Basically Keiji is almost getting to meet Daishou

**You**

ACTUALLY

They already met

THEY ARE TALKING

**Kiyo-chan**

Ew.

Why is he touching him.

OH FUCK NO.

**Nuisance 2**

WHAT HAPPENED

**Nuisance :)**

THEY ARE HUGGING

H U G G I N G

**Foxy-chan**

THE FUCK DID YOU SAY

**Chibi-chan**

SOMEONE COME HELP ME KEEP KUROO-SAN STILL

HE WANTS TO FIGHT DAISHOU-SAN UAGHBDKA

KNVKNSKLFHSAJF'AF HELP

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

Where are you Hinata?

**Chibi-chan**

THIRD ROW, LAST DESKNKALNHFAH

**You**

GO SHINSUKE-CHAN

BEFORE KEIJI NOTICES

**Keiji's friend 1**

this is going great

**Nuisance 2**

Yeah

**Nuisance :)**

WHAT TYPE OF PROJECT IS THIS

WHY ATRE THE SO CLOSE

**Nuisance 2**

Tsumu calm down

Your sentence needs improvement

**Nuisance :)**

sorry

why are they so close

**You**

AHHHHHH

SOMEONE STRONG GO HELP SHINSUKE-CHAN

**Bestie <3**

I'll go

**Chibi-chan**

KSNFLKSFSBGS

EVERYONE COME HERE ASAP

KUROO-SAN IS NOT HAVING IT

**Nuisance :)**

OMW

**Kiyo-chan**

I'll stay to watch Keiji.

Oikawa, Suna, do the same.

**Foxy-chan**

yes

WAIT

WHY IS HIS HAND SO CLOSE TO KEIJI'S ASS

IASHILFHAIOFULAGFUGAUGFGAFGU

**You**

WHAT

ZLHIFILHAHIAG

**Kiyo-chan**

WHY IS KEIJI UNBOTHERED.

**You**

HE'S LAUGHKNG

LAUGHABHDHAU'

**Keiji's friend 1**

oh uh

akaashi sweetie

what are u even doing

**Foxy-chan**

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO KNOW

JLLNHFLJHAIHFAIHGA

KUROO IS SPEEDING THERE

OIKAWA SAKUSA PREPARE YOURSELVES TO GRAB HIM

AHHHHHH ILHFAIFIAFHAFS

_(Foxy-chan is offline)_

**Nuisance 2**

...

Wow

**You**

WDYM HE'S SPEEDING HERE 

I AM NOT IAGHFDOUAGFAOGFA

LAKNFJABGHLQHGPIWG

SGKSOGJSGS

SWSGEE

**Kiyo-chan**

WHAT IS GOING ON.

OIKAWA.

ARE YOU OKAY???

**Nuisance :)**

GRAB HIM

HOW DID HE ESCAPED HAJIME-KUN

**Chibi-chan**

HE'S FERAL

OIKAWA-SAN HANG ON

**Nuisance 2**

Oikawa's funeral is in the works...

**You**

AHHHH

COME HERE GUYSYOIAHFCA

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

STOP SCREAMING.

STOP IT.

KEIJI IS IHFILABF LAHBFAGIHAIHGIAS

SLFLKSGOJGSOJS

**Keiji's friend 1**

kita?

**Kiyo-chan**

Kita?

**Chibi-chan**

kita-san?

**Bestie <3**

Kita?

**Nuisance :)**

kita-san?

**Nuisance 2**

Kita-san?

**You**

TETSU-CHAN KILLED HIM

AND HE'S COMING FOR ME NOW

KJLAHOFIHWFHW

HELP ME IOAHGSW

**Bestie <3**

TOORU HANG ON

DON'T DIE ON ME NOW

**Chibi-chan**

OH NO APIDIAHFIHAFO

I FOUND KITA-SAN

**Keiji's friend 1**

IS HE OKAY

**Nuisance 2**

KITA-SAAAAAAAAAAAN

**Kiyo-chan**

He's ok.

So is Suna.

The one who's definitely not okay is Oikawa.

**You**

THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING

KLAJFHIAHFIHAGIH

I COULDN'T I'M SORRY

HE THREATENED ME

HE KILLED SHINSUKE-CHAN

HE MURDERED SUNARIN

I DON'T WANT TO DIE YOUNG

I PREFER KEIJI SCOLDING THE FUCK OUT OF ME

**Nuisance :)**

GUYS RUN

KEIJI IS MAD

AKLIHFIOHAOIHFIHHOJSO

I- WAIT AUGDUAGFAO;V\

MKIJWEIFNKLB 

Hello my dear boyfriends.

This is Keiji speaking.

Get out of your hiding spots and come here at once.

**Chibi-chan**

...

akaashi-san listen-

**Nuisance :)**

No.

Come. Here.

**You**

Baby-

**Nuisance :)**

No.

**Keiji's friend 1**

pffffft

**Nuisance :)**

Oh.

Konoha-san, Miya.

I'll talk to you two later.

_(Nuisance 2 is offline)_

_(Keiji's friend 1 is offline)_

**Kiyo-chan**

...

**Nuisance :)**

You all either come or I'll go look for you.

Tetsurou here recommends you to come on your own.

So does Atsumu.

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

Love-

**Nuisance :)**

No.

**Bestie <3**

...

**You**

...

**Chibi-chan**

...

**Kiyo-chan**

...

**Nuisance :)**

Bring Rintarou.

He's not online.

**MY Shin-chan (future bf)**

Yes, Keiji...

**You**

We are done for

It was a pleasure meeting you all

Even you Atsumu, I do love you 

I know you can't see this because Keiji already got you but I want your soul to know I love you

Bye world

_(Everyone is offline)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AIJABFAJFIAIO they died, the end.
> 
> OKAY NO. so, what do we think about this one?


End file.
